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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL new GF staying on Boxing Day

141 replies

Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 08:56

Hi all, I don't know if IABU..
BIL has a relatively new GF who neither me, OH or FIL have met. BIL has decided to invite said GF along to our traditional Boxing day gathering; this also includes staying the night.

Now, I'm not over the moon that he has invited a stranger to our home to spend the night, at this time of year, but I have made my peace with it. However, I do not want them sleeping in the DSCs bedroom.
We have one sofa bed which FIL would be using and BIL uses the single blow up bed.. WIBU to ask them to bring something for her to sleep on?

I don't want to seem unaccommodating but I'm not sure what else to suggest or how to word it without coming off cold..?

OP posts:
SassitudeandSparkle · 17/12/2018 08:58

Is the sofa bed a double, because that would seem the best option for the couple tbh. I suspect you are far from making your peace with it!

CrazyOldBagLady · 17/12/2018 08:59

Is it possible for FIL to use the blow up bed and BIL and GF using the sofa bed?

Snowwontbelong · 17/12/2018 09:00

Send him links to local air B&B places.
Yanbu to not want him /her at your home.

Whyareallthegoodnamesgone · 17/12/2018 09:00

I don't understand why you'd have a problem with it. I'd think it was lovely that he had met someone that he felt strongly enough about and was happy enough with that he wanted to introduce her to his family. Of course partners want to be together over the Christmas period. I'd just say "Looking forward to seeing you all on Boxing Day! We don't have another spare bed so was wondering if you could bring something for GF to sleep on, or perhaps she could share with you if you don't mind being a bit squashed together?"

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 09:07

The sofa bed is only a single, there's no way it will fit them both on it..

Whyareallthegoodnamesgone It is lovely he has met soneone but he has also met many others over the years which were considered 'the one', it's more so that he hasn't made any attempt to introduce us to her and then invited her himself to our home for the night.
I'm confident she will be lovely but I'm just not sure where we're going to put them!

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 17/12/2018 09:10

YANBU. Unbelievably rude of him to invite anyone to stay over at your house without discussing it with you first, double so if you've never met this person before and ithey've only been together five minutes. I'd say there's no room at the inn, try Travelodge!

madmum5811 · 17/12/2018 09:12

Be careful she may be the one he marries. Not a good start if you are awkward

SnuggyBuggy · 17/12/2018 09:14

If BIL was going to have his own spare room to sleep in that's one thing. You need to make it clear they will be in the living room and need to provide a bed.

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 09:18

Yes this was my thinking madmum5811 It did cross my mind that if this one sticks, I don't want her first memory of us being a bitter one.
That's why I'm 'okay' with her staying Grin

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 17/12/2018 09:22

Girlfriend gets the blow up bed, BIL is on the floor. Let him know in advance, so if he wants to bring a sleeping bag or something, he can.

BucketLid · 17/12/2018 09:24

YABU and unwelcoming. It's Christmas!

BucketLid · 17/12/2018 09:25

P.S. Of course the adults should get the children's beds. Can you imagine when you were a child, having your uncle and or grandad sleep on the couch while you had a bed 😂

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 17/12/2018 09:27

Say you are really looking forward to meeting her but are really pushed for space and worried they won’t have much privacy or comfort. Can they either bring a bed or would they rather stay the night in a nearby Premier or B&B? If so you won’t be offended.

Burlea · 17/12/2018 09:28

How old is your brother.
It might have been out of order him inviting her. But just welcome her, she is more likely to be very nervous to meet you all.

fuzzyduck1 · 17/12/2018 09:28

Could you put up a tent in the garden for them?

Or if you get some big presents you could build them a little house out of the boxes.

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 09:29

BucketLid The kids are not with us for Christmas, I have no issue with BIL (Uncle) sleeping in the childrens bed. I do however, have an issue with a woman I do not know sleeping in their bed with her new BF.
I know sheets can be washed but I don't want a loved-up couple sleeping together in it.
However, I don't see it as fair if I offered BIL a bed and not his new GF. Smile

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 17/12/2018 09:29

What ages are the DC? Could they not bunch up together or have one in with you? (Clearly not going to work if 17 yo Grin)

ButteryParsnips · 17/12/2018 09:30

I'd say that you are looking forward to having them stay but you only have a single blow up bed - however if they have a double air bed (or want to get/borrow one)) to bring then they're welcome to do that.

Kahlua4me · 17/12/2018 09:30

I would put fil in the dc bedroom, dbil on blow up bed and new gf on sofa bed.

Our dc always give up their rooms if we have adult guests staying. It’s out of respect and dc can sleep anywhere! When my aunt and uncle stay we give up our room for them.

BerylStreep · 17/12/2018 09:31

X post

GetOffTheTableMabel · 17/12/2018 09:31

I always think that this is where the phrase “you’ll need to” comes in very handy ....
It’s not a question like “could you bring?” or “where will she..?” which leaves the ultimate responsibility for a solution with you. It just moves responsibility for her arrangements onto him - which is where it belongs.
So “she’s very welcome of course. Don’t forget our sofa bed is a single and so is our blow up mattress so you’ll just need a to bring something to sleep on”

oohyoudevilyou · 17/12/2018 09:32

What do you mean by not wanting visitors to sleep in the DSC's room. Are the DSC's using it themselves that night? Personally (assuming DSC's aren't using their room) I'd put FIL in DSC's room, and leave the BiL and his GF in the living room, one on the sofabed, one on the airbed. It's not unreasonable to ask them to bring a sleeping bag or their own duvet.

Or the nearest Travelodge, but ask them up to yours for breakfast in the morning.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 17/12/2018 09:33

X post with your update. Are you actually saying that you expect your guests to be on blow up beds and sofa beds while there are empty beds upstairs?

diddl · 17/12/2018 09:37

So you have enough beds-you just don't want BIL & his gfriend having sex in one??

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 09:37

GetOffTheTableMabel We will have one spare bed which I don't want a stranger staying in the DCs bed. And it wouldn't be fair letting BIL sleep in a bed and not our new guest. FIL is funny sbout sleeping in the DCs bed and will only sleep downstairs (OCD related)
I know IABU with that but it's how I feel Smile

OP posts:
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