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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL new GF staying on Boxing Day

141 replies

Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 08:56

Hi all, I don't know if IABU..
BIL has a relatively new GF who neither me, OH or FIL have met. BIL has decided to invite said GF along to our traditional Boxing day gathering; this also includes staying the night.

Now, I'm not over the moon that he has invited a stranger to our home to spend the night, at this time of year, but I have made my peace with it. However, I do not want them sleeping in the DSCs bedroom.
We have one sofa bed which FIL would be using and BIL uses the single blow up bed.. WIBU to ask them to bring something for her to sleep on?

I don't want to seem unaccommodating but I'm not sure what else to suggest or how to word it without coming off cold..?

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 17/12/2018 10:37

What about what your DH thinks? It is his brother after all.

AthenaisdeRochechouart · 17/12/2018 10:37

I think FIL on the pull out and BIL & GF on the bed & blow up and I get a grip

Yay - an OP who graciously accepts she's BU Smile

Now be prepared for a dozen people who haven't RTFT piling in to tell you to get a grip Grin

Trinity66 · 17/12/2018 10:40

Oh another RTFT nazi Grin

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 10:41

Trinity66 He feels the same as I do with the 'no funny business' but I can see others point that, if it were me, I wouldn't be messing around in a childs bed.
I think it best we give them the bed/blow up and DH has a quiet word with BIL maybe? Grin

OP posts:
VeggyGravy · 17/12/2018 10:42

YABU and unwelcoming. It's Christmas!

Yes, it is Christmas and Christmas is for family and not your brother's randoms!

RB68 · 17/12/2018 10:43

I wld either invest in a second blow up at around 13 quid not too much. or get them a double one

VeggyGravy · 17/12/2018 10:43

Honestly, OP i don't think yo need a grip I'd just not enjoy it and probably tell brother he'd have lots more fun wink wink nudge fuck off to a hotel if he stayed somewhere else as we don't have space for a couple.

AthenaisdeRochechouart · 17/12/2018 10:45

Nooooo! Your DH can't suggest his DB doesn't have sex!

GreenHillOpposite · 17/12/2018 10:47

What about what your DH thinks? It is his brother after all.

And his child’s bed! I think siblings can be like this, just presuming, taking liberties etc. I think it was really down to your husband to say, “Oy, this is OP’s home too you know! I’ll have to check it out with her first”.

Trinity66 · 17/12/2018 10:47

I think it best we give them the bed/blow up and DH has a quiet word with BIL maybe?

Oh god, how awkward would the conversation be? Grin

FiveShelties · 17/12/2018 10:49

Especially if your husband says that you feel uncomfortable with this!😂

ShatnersWig · 17/12/2018 10:50

@ShalomJackie How "new" a gf were you and had you met any of the family prior to that Christmas?

I think there's a big difference if you're the latest in a long line of gfs and you've only been with the bloke for a a few weeks and you've never met any of the family before and if you've been around for at least six months and have met the family socially prior to staying over at Xmas.

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 10:51

Trinity66 OH has no sense when it comes to awkwardness but I'd make sure not to be around Grin
I think we offer them the bed but say 'you might have more fun in a hotel Wink' as a sort of hint? Oh god I'm over thinking again Grin

OP posts:
strawberrisc · 17/12/2018 10:51

Oh god, how awkward would the conversation be?

Take brother aside (your DH that is), gove him a nudge and say “Oi! And no shagging!”

AthenaisdeRochechouart · 17/12/2018 10:53

OP - this is an anonymous forum so you can be honest with us. Do you secretly fancy BiL and are a bit jealous of him doing the rudey with yet another girl? Come on, fess up to your Aunty Athenais!

NotAnotherUserName5 · 17/12/2018 10:53

How old are they OP? Are we talking late teens or more mature adults?

OftenHangry · 17/12/2018 10:54

Bit out there, but make sure she is never in the middle of photos. Always nicely on a side so it can be cut off if anythingGrin

YNBU to worry about the having sex in DC's bed though.

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 10:58

Athenais I'm very sorry Aunty but I love him like a brother and you have made me giggle Grin! The OH and I are very happy in ourselves, sex would not be an issue unless it is the DSCs room or the kitchen Grin!!

To answer - BIL is mid 30s Smile

OP posts:
VeggyGravy · 17/12/2018 11:03

They'll probably be too drunk to do anything the night before and if you send the children in to their room to play with their brand new drum kit at 6 am you've cut off anything before it starts there too

BerylStreep · 17/12/2018 11:07

Just loosen a couple of slats on the DSC beds so that they squeak wildly if they try to do anything.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2018 11:08

If the kids aren't there, then FIL in a proper bed and thry can have the sofa bed and blow up bed between them. If thry want to have sex. They can use the floor or stand up

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 17/12/2018 11:12

I have no issue with BIL (Uncle) sleeping in the childrens bed. I do however, have an issue with a woman I do not know sleeping in their bed with her new BF.
I know sheets can be washed but I don't want a loved-up couple sleeping together in it.

Have to confess - I would be exactly the same, even though I know it's just my own skin crawling at the thought of hanky-panky in a child's bed.

Could you

a) give HER the bed and tell him he's still sleeping on the blow-up mattress on the floor (and set the dog to guard the bedroom)?

b) give FIL the bed, and let the two of them conduct their sordid sexual shenanigans on the sofa bed/blow up?

c) tell him, as another person suggested, to bring a sleeping bag.

I apologise if all of these have been sequester.

My eyes are hurting so I have just skim-read the first page.

Helpisneeded13 · 17/12/2018 11:14

Sorry haven't read all the thread.
But do they live far? Would it be an option to book a cab or one to drive back? Easier than a hotel.
Tell him you didn't realise he wanted to stay as where would you put him and gf? And if he had asked you would of told him that.
Christmas is a crazy day any without people sleeping over.
And sex? I think bloody not - not in house

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 11:14

All very good ideas Godrest thank you Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 11:15

Helpisneeded13 They live about an hour and a half away so wouldn't feel fair putting them in a cab. BIL always stays the night so he just assumed new GF can too Grin

OP posts: