Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL new GF staying on Boxing Day

141 replies

Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 08:56

Hi all, I don't know if IABU..
BIL has a relatively new GF who neither me, OH or FIL have met. BIL has decided to invite said GF along to our traditional Boxing day gathering; this also includes staying the night.

Now, I'm not over the moon that he has invited a stranger to our home to spend the night, at this time of year, but I have made my peace with it. However, I do not want them sleeping in the DSCs bedroom.
We have one sofa bed which FIL would be using and BIL uses the single blow up bed.. WIBU to ask them to bring something for her to sleep on?

I don't want to seem unaccommodating but I'm not sure what else to suggest or how to word it without coming off cold..?

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 17/12/2018 09:40

Of course the adults should get the children's beds.

Err...why? Adults have choice, they can either bunk up in someones house or pay for a hotel if they want a proper bed. Chucking a child out of their bed, especially when imo kids need proper sleep and routines more than adults do, isnt ok.

winsinbin · 17/12/2018 09:43

You would seriously let adult guests in your home sleep on blow up beds or on the floor while there is an unoccupied bedroom with empty beds in the house? That’s the most inhospitable thing I have heard of since Mary and Joseph wee turned away from the inn.

If you really cannot stomach the idea of a ‘loved up’ couple sullying the bedsheets of the DSC then ask them to bring their own linen to save on laundry.

I hope the GF is lovely, that your BIL has at last found a keeper, that you all have a wonderful time and you look back on this as some sort of temporary insanity brought about by pre-Christmas stress.

Ellisandra · 17/12/2018 09:44

Well the fact that the children’s beds are EMPTY is one hell of a drip feed. Confused

YAB(totally)U.

Put them in the empty children’s bedroom. And seek therapy for your issues that god forbid they might have sex Confused

Kintan · 17/12/2018 09:44

I doubt they will be up to anything much in your children's beds if your house is small with little privacy! If you are worried have a quiet word with your BiL and say no funny business, I'm sure they will cope for one night.

richierichardsaunt · 17/12/2018 09:44

I'm with you op.
It's incredibly rude and entitled to bring extra guests.

Tell him "no ring, no bring"!
It worked pippa Middleton!

Ps I would never put someone in my kids beds. It used to happen to me.
People who offer other people's bed should be made to give up their own.

FiveShelties · 17/12/2018 09:45

But won't your BIL just say they will share the empty bed? How are you going to deal with that?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 17/12/2018 09:46

Nope, I wouldn’t want them having sexy time in my DC’s bed either. Rude.

diddl · 17/12/2018 09:47

How big is the one spare bed?

If single, let the gfriend have it & BIL downstairs on the blow up bed.

XXcstatic · 17/12/2018 09:48

BIL should have asked, but I guess you have no idea how hard it can be to be a single adult at a family Christmas? Poor guy is probably mightily relieved to have a plus one willing to come along and naively thinks you will be happy for him. He clearly doesn't spend enough time on MN, where it's regarded as doing anyone a massive favour to allow them to enter your home.

GF gets the bed and your BIL gets the floor: either in the bedroom (preferable) or somewhere else. You can't possibly make them both sleep on the floor with an empty bed upstairs.

Just as a matter of interest, how long would a couple have to have been together before you would consider them out of the danger zone for potentially having sex? Grin

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 09:50

Okay, just to be clear, I am more than confortable with sex but I don't want/need that in the DSCs bedroom - I don't think that makes me insane or a monster Smile

I agree with PPs that I should offer FIL the bed (if he will accept) and give BIL & GF the blow up/pull out beds.
Considering we haven't even been asked to host her I think it's fair they sleep where is suitable for us or get a hotel Smile

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 17/12/2018 09:50

Hope you have creaking floorboards to warn you if anyone is bedhopping!

Shoxfordian · 17/12/2018 09:50

Yeah yabu and you know you are so what do you want from this thread?

Helmetbymidnight · 17/12/2018 09:51

Blimey. Poor GF. I bet she didn't guess staying over for a night would cause such angst.

diddl · 17/12/2018 09:52

"Considering we haven't even been asked to host her I think it's fair they sleep where is suitable for us or get a hotel "

Then tell them that you can't put the up & they can choose to stay elsewhere, go home after the get together or not come at all.

Trills · 17/12/2018 09:53

You have empty real beds and you're making people sleep on blow up beds?

If this is the case then there is literally nothing else you can do in the way of being hospitable that will make her feel welcome.

You will forever be the ones who are weird and unwelcoming.

("you" being you and your OH, who is presumably also involved in this whole scenario)

haloumi · 17/12/2018 09:53

Give the a proper bed.

And ask them to only have clean sex (and only in the vagine).... not that mop and bucket kind that people do when they are newly sexed up.

Merry Christmas!

paxillin · 17/12/2018 09:54

There are unused beds yet she needs to bring a blow up bed? You are extremely inhospitable. Expect to sleep in her bathtub in return in years to come unless she is more generous than you.

EthelHornsby · 17/12/2018 09:54

I will never get used to the weirdness of people on here - you have perfectly good beds, since the children are not there, and presumably a washing machine, but don’t want to put a family member and his guest in them in case they are ‘loved up’. Do you think it’s infectious? I would be excited to meet her and happy to juggle sleeping arrangements so that everyone was comfortable- it’s one night out of 365!

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 09:56

Okay, okay - Am I being completely U to worry about a coule having sex in the DSCs bed? Blush

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 17/12/2018 09:57

Many people seem to be missing the fact that the GF has not been invited (as the OP didnt know she existed) and the BIL hasnt even had the decency to ask the OP if its ok if his GF comes with him. He has simply announced that she is going to be there. That far far ruder than anything the OP has said so far about the sleeping arrangements.

mrsm43s · 17/12/2018 09:57

Unless they're 17, they most likely will not be planning on having sex whilst staying in your house for just one single night. I think you are overthinking this. Let them share your DSCs bed if it is a double, or if its a single, put the blow up in as well. And don't waste your energy thinking about what they may or may not be doing in there.

Hellozzz · 17/12/2018 09:58

Christmas time & goodwill to all men (& women)
FFS - get over it. Put them in the kid's bedroom & wash the sheets.

Helmetbymidnight · 17/12/2018 09:59

Yeah, I think so.

Your step children's uncle is coming to stay with his GF and you won't let them stay in his neice and nephews empty rooms in case they have sex.

I think you might have issues. Sorry.

Booboostwo · 17/12/2018 09:59

To be fair if they had sex in your DC’s bed while the DC were away it would probably turn your DCs gay so not a risk you would want to take.

😱🤪😖

richierichardsaunt · 17/12/2018 10:01

I agree with you op.

It'd really upset me too but would they have second a child's bed?

I know my ex would've suggested it - probably one of many reasons he is an ex.

If you haven't been asked, how do you know he is bringing her?

Swipe left for the next trending thread