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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL new GF staying on Boxing Day

141 replies

Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 08:56

Hi all, I don't know if IABU..
BIL has a relatively new GF who neither me, OH or FIL have met. BIL has decided to invite said GF along to our traditional Boxing day gathering; this also includes staying the night.

Now, I'm not over the moon that he has invited a stranger to our home to spend the night, at this time of year, but I have made my peace with it. However, I do not want them sleeping in the DSCs bedroom.
We have one sofa bed which FIL would be using and BIL uses the single blow up bed.. WIBU to ask them to bring something for her to sleep on?

I don't want to seem unaccommodating but I'm not sure what else to suggest or how to word it without coming off cold..?

OP posts:
Trills · 17/12/2018 10:01

BIL should have asked before telling his girlfriend she should come, absolutely.

But the OP has said that she intends to be hospitable. Leaving beds empty while people sleep on the floor is not doing that.

diddl · 17/12/2018 10:02

"Am I being completely U to worry about a coule having sex in the DSCs bed? "

I think so, yes.

He was rude to invite her but why didn't you say no or OK but there's no room for you both to stay over if it's such a problem?

Holidayshopping · 17/12/2018 10:02

Okay, okay - Am I being completely U to worry about a coule having sex in the DSCs bed?

I think you are, yes!

If they’ve been together a while, chances are they won’t anyway and I’m presuming you will change the sheets afterwards anyway!

You do know that when you stay in a hotel or holiday house, chances are someone has had sex in the beds you all sleep in, don’t you!?

As long as the kids aren’t in the beds at the time, I really don’t see the issue!

wheneverythinggoestitsup · 17/12/2018 10:02

Yeah, I think you're being unreasonable.
Personally I wouldn't have the kids in their own beds with guests on the sofa - but the kids are not even there!

richierichardsaunt · 17/12/2018 10:02

Sex not second obviously.

Whereartthouname · 17/12/2018 10:03

Im with you i dont want anyone having sex in my kids bed sorry. Yuk.

Dragon3 · 17/12/2018 10:04

You're not being unreasonable Olive. Really, not. You're showing respect for your DSC. If you were my DC's SM I'd be happy and reassured that you questioned this.

winsinbin · 17/12/2018 10:05

It does seem ridiculous to worry about them having sex in any bed. Its not as it it will corrupt the absent DCS or contaminate the bed in any way. It’s also odd to just assume they will be having sex. I wouldn’t feel relaxed enough if I was staying a a strangers house. My husbands Aunty Biddy is convinced our DS was conceived when we stayed at her house one NYE but there was no way I was having sex when Aunty Biddy might have heard.

MinecraftHolmes · 17/12/2018 10:08

If the new girlfriend must stay over (which is a liberty take of your BIL IMO. You can't just invite people along to someone else's house!), put your FIL in the DSC's bedroom and BIL and the girlfriend in the living room.

And I wouldn't want DH's brother shagging his flavour of the month in my children's bed either. Sheets clean or not.

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 10:09

Thank you Dragon3 I appreciate you can see where I'm coming from along with other PPs Grin

I think in honestly, the real issue is that I'm still a little hung up about the fact he stated she was coming, didn't ask if we were okay with it.
I will 100% be kind and welcoming to her as non of this is her fault!

I think FIL on the pull out and BIL & GF on the bed & blow up and I get a grip Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 10:13

MinecraftHolmes I would rather DFIL stay in the kids bed but he doesn't ever agree to take a bed - he's funny about any but his own.. so he will only sleep on the pull out! Smile

OP posts:
Childrenofthesun · 17/12/2018 10:15

I think you are overreacting. Put them in the empty beds. Get them to bring their own bedding if you prefer.

Personally, I have never wanted to have sex while staying at my in-laws and certainly wouldn't have done it the first time I was there so you may well be worrying about nothing.

HolesinTheSoles · 17/12/2018 10:16

Unless BiL is 17 years old I think it's very unlikely he's going to have sex in your children's bed!

I do think it's rude the way he didn't ask if she could stay the night or not. I do think you should make your peace with it though.

Original poster
Olivetree615 · 17/12/2018 10:17

Childrenofthesun Yes I think you're right.. I'm worrying about nothing.. it must be Christmas nerves Blush

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 17/12/2018 10:19

fgs let him bring his g/f and give them a bed, what's the actual issue? I mean really because I don't buy it

missperegrinespeculiar · 17/12/2018 10:20

Well, you can't help how you feel, but you do realise if this one sticks this will become the story of "that time crazy SIL made me sleep on the blow-up bed in the living room when there was a perfectly functional EMPTY bedroom there" don't you?

DeepanKrispanEven · 17/12/2018 10:22

Just tell them you don't have a bed for two and suggest that, unless one of them wants to sleep on the floor, they find a B&B.

Helmetbymidnight · 17/12/2018 10:22

It'll be fine and lovely. Brew Wine

AthenaisdeRochechouart · 17/12/2018 10:23

I doubt they'd want to have sex in a child's bed.
I also think it's nice that your BiL feels so comfortable in your home that he assumes his girlfriend will be welcome so doesn't feel the need to ask.

Why not let them have your double bed?

MawkishTwaddle · 17/12/2018 10:26

Bless you OP. I like the way you’ve taken this on the chin.

Christmas can do your head in, can’t it?

I hope she’s really nice and you all have a great time.

coconutpie · 17/12/2018 10:26

OP YANBU. I would not be happy about this either. BIL is a cheeky fucker to not even ask if it was ok. I would give him the details of a local B&B or whatever and say they can check in there. I wouldn't be happy with some random new gf sleeping in my child's bedroom either. You do not have to just suck this up. Just because other people on here like to bend over backwards and accommodate people, doesn't mean you have to also. If you are not happy about it, stand up for yourself.

strawberrisc · 17/12/2018 10:26

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable if the thought of someone having sex in your child’s bed makes you feel uncomfortable. It’s YOUR house and she’s been foisted onto you.

ShalomJackie · 17/12/2018 10:30

I was once the new gf who wasn't allowed to stay at the ILs the first Christmas I was with my now DH. My own family live abroad. I was allowed there in the day but not Christmas Eve/morning. Apparently family only! So as I became wife and mother to gc of that family I refused to ever stay at Christmas stating "i know you only want family" as they had made me feel so unwelcome .

This girl may or may not become a member of your family but I would never wish that feeling I had back then on anyone.

However there is nothing wrong with bringing up tight sleeping arrangements and asking that bedding/sleeping bags be provided but do it of everyone not just her please.

Ethel36 · 17/12/2018 10:31

It's clear that you don't want them for the sleep over part. Can you ask them to stay at a hotel nearby? Because of lack of space. If you ask them nicely and in advance it won't seem rude. You and this lady may not get on...if so....it's going to be the longest time together! I think your brother should have asked you first before inviting his girlfriend so maybe remind him of that for next time!

Helmetbymidnight · 17/12/2018 10:32

Bless you OP. I like the way you’ve taken this on the chin.

I do too. Op, I've decided I'm going to come and stay with you as well. Grin