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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner expecting me to buy Christmas gifts for his entire family as well as our mutual friends.

233 replies

giadak · 17/12/2018 04:35

Hi all. I'm in a dilemma here - if you can call it that. I'm not overly close to my family - largely because I don't have a big family - and the remaining members have either moved/have their own families etc... There's no ill will, but we are just different.

I've been with my partner for 6-7 years. I always spend Christmas with my parents and he goes to spend Christmas with his family in the countryside. His family is larger and he has lots of elderly relatives, so we both think it is important that he spends time with them - and I spend time with my family. We have our own mini Christmas too obviously, but usually on Boxing Day. I have been to his side of the family, but around Christmas time as opposed to the actual day (25th) as I like to be back in the city by then.

Anyway; I like to plan gifts - as in make a list of gift recipients, figure out what I want to get for them, then shop online - or if I can't get it online; I'll go out and buy it. Saves a lot of time and hassle. We did the list together this year - and all was fine. We then started to shop online on both our laptops respectively.

He then blurted out that he's willing to buy the gifts for his Mum and Dad, but I should buy the gifts for his sister, his brother, his brother's wife, his nephew and his grandparents.

He sent me a list of things that they'd like - but I'm unsure as to what exactly he is contributing. He has a LOT of his own money - and I'm good with money on too. However; he feels that because I'm 'better' at gift-buying that he's going to leave it all to me. The total cost of the gifts that I'm 'supposed' to buy round up to around £700 whereas the cost of 'his' gifts came up to £200.

Bear in mind; I'm not even spending upwards of £700 on myself nor my own family members! Also, I'm not overly close to his family. I understand that he wants the gifts to be from both of us, but he's not buying a single thing for my family members - nor has he asked me what I'd like this year - which is frankly nothing at this point.

AIBU to think it's outrageous to spend so much on his family?!

No doubt I'll be left to do all the wrapping, writing the cards etc... whilst his 'job' is done and dusted for the year.

OP posts:
whispertomegently · 17/12/2018 12:51

Lol, I always set a wrapping station up. It takes me a few minutes and stops the endless questions from all 6 people in our house wrapping gifts.

I do it because I like to be organised, I don't like to have to find XYZ for each child (and husband). It's easier, peaceful.

It goes sone way to show my appreciation of the men in the house going up tall ladders to hang external decorations. If that was down to me we wouldn't have any. I'm scared of heights. I'm going to get slated for this one!

GreenHillOpposite · 17/12/2018 12:57

But surely anyone wanting to wrap presents are capable of fetching paper, scissors and sellotape? It’s hardly an onerous or complicated task.

theworldistoosmall · 17/12/2018 13:01

Fuck me. Wrapping station,
Mum where’s the wrapping stuff?
In the box in x cupboard.
Job done because I like to be organized and keep all that stuff together. No need to get anything for anyone. Although they no longer ask cos of soy enough they have retained this info.

theworldistoosmall · 17/12/2018 13:02

Soy? == Oddly enough 😂

CrabbityRabbit · 17/12/2018 13:26

Your comment about shared expenses makes me think he takes the piss the rest of the year too. I assume you live together?

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 17/12/2018 13:26

What in the name of Christmas fuckeduppery am I reading here?

Yearofthemum · 17/12/2018 13:28

This is a non problem. His request is outrageous and easy to refuse.

Just say no.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 17/12/2018 13:34

A "wrapping station"?! Fuck me, that's the funniest thing I've heard today Grin

When my DH wraps the presents he's sourced, bought and paid for himself, he buys his own wrapping paper, then...wraps them.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 17/12/2018 13:42

A wrapping station is genius. I’m having that one.

Bananalanacake · 17/12/2018 13:46

700 pounds is loads. I only spend 10 pounds each on my family. Does he do this every year if you've been together 6 years.

WilburforceRaven · 17/12/2018 13:49

Wrapping station for the ickle twat who tries to sponge off his girlfriend to buy his gifts.

'Where the paper, tape and ribbons?' 'Utility room, on you go!'

buckingfrolicks · 17/12/2018 13:55

He's got an outrageous sense of entitlement and you're a complete mug.

AmericanEskimoDoge · 17/12/2018 14:11

Well, if OP really does enjoy wrapping gifts, but only buys a couple of Christmas gifts because of her family situation, I can see how maybe her partner might talk himself into thinking he's (kind of) doing her a favor by asking if she can do the wrapping-- with the added benefit of excusing himself from the chore and ending up with nicely wrapped gifts. (Some people do love it. It puts me in the Christmas mood better than almost anything else.)

...But expecting you to pay for the lion's share of his family gifts? And they're such expensive gifts, too!

I don't see how he can think this is alright. There's something wrong with him, seriously. Time to get out of this relationship.

TheWiseWomansFear · 17/12/2018 15:19

I buy DPs gifts for his family, but he gives me the money and there are only 3 of them. I am better at it, but I'm not shelling out for his gifts... maybe £15 here or there on a nice chocolate set I see and add to the presents or something but £700 would wipe me out.

Actually, I only have £400 to my name right now so I wouldn't even be able to do it.

Why does he think you should pay? Very very strange behaviour...

Waddsup12 · 17/12/2018 15:45

Ah, so it's ok for you to be upset (but reasonable) and not for his sister to be upset (but stroppy and unreasonable.)

Waddsup12 · 17/12/2018 15:49

Wrong thread, no idea why it posted here. Sorry.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 17/12/2018 16:23

Hi OP

I know this is just a snapshot of your life together but it doesn't sound like he treats you with respect at all

He is 'willing' to do something that every other person does and seems expect thanks

He has asked you to do him MASSIVE favour requiring a load of your time and money

It doesn't sound like this favour would ever be appreciated, thanked or reciprocated

When asking he basically didn't ask nicely he just demanded you do it because he is so great and buys for his own parents

When you refused because he is massively taking advantage, he accuses you of having an attitude about it

None of this sounds great - he sounds demanding, deluded and like he takes advantage of you

M0RVEN · 17/12/2018 16:34

Just wondering where the handmaidens are on this thread. You know, the ones who post

Yes you have an attitude towards his family

No he can’t possibly buy gifts he has a penis, you need a vagina to shop online

You are bad and selfish , it only takes 5 mins and 25p to buy gifts for his family when you are doing yours

If he takes the bins out once a year you should be grateful and do everything for him in return

HugoBearsMummy · 17/12/2018 16:48

This is the most bizarre thread I have ever read! Who in their right mind would need to come on here for advice on this particular subject? A simple- NO, are you fucking crazy?? As a response to his request for you to spend £700 on his family would have sufficed surely?

LeilaDarling · 17/12/2018 16:57

It would just be a NO.
He is trying it on and if you do it this year it will continue.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/12/2018 17:01

Ha what a CF of the highest order, e mail, I don't think so, he gets his family the gifts, if the can't afford, than they don't get. Is he usually this CF, or is this a one off.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/12/2018 17:02

You are not his personal ATM machine, just because you earn more than him.

MrsDrudge · 17/12/2018 17:20

YANBU- if you do it this once you will have to do it for every Christmas and birthday! Just stick to buying for your family and he does his.

Canibuildasnowman · 17/12/2018 17:32

OP have you LTB yet??

Drum2018 · 17/12/2018 17:38

Please say NO. If he wants to buy gifts for his relatives and friends let him off.