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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - not spending dds first christmas with her?

382 replies

BlondeAmbition44 · 16/12/2018 20:19

DD was born 8 weeks ago and its her first christmas Xmas Grin I am really excited and am really looking forward to it. DP on the other hand keeps saying he doesnt understand why its such a big thing as she wont remember it...

now heres where i might be being unreasonable, both sets of parents have offered to have us on christmas day, my parents can only have everyone on christmas day as db is working boxing day, however dp "dm" is insisting he is at their house christmas eve, christmas day and boxing day...

He has agreed it is best for me and dd to go to my parents on christmas day so he will leave us up to stay on christmas eve and he will lift her in the morninh for boxing day at his parents... am i being unreasonable to think he should want to spend some time with dd on christmas day and not just to drop us off on xmas eve and back to lift her on boxing day, and am i being unreasonable to think his "dm" shouldnt be insisting on all 3 days with him?

OP posts:
Creatureofthenight · 17/12/2018 20:38

I feel like mnetters should all go around and sort this out.

If you’re in the NW of England OP, I’d be more than happy to go and have a word with DP and/or his mother. Several words. Not all of them polite.

Gilld69 · 17/12/2018 20:46

erm how old is he that his mummy needs him home on xmas eve . if my son left his partner and child id be having words . you are a family now . would she leave or have her husband leave to go to his family for 3 days . i suspect not

MsTSwift · 17/12/2018 21:17

Istnis a unanimous yanbu Xmas Grin

DutchSparkle · 17/12/2018 21:39

Personally I think MIL is BVU expecting DP to be there 3 days over Christmas but I also think DP is BU saying he'll stay there that long. I would want my DP and my DC with me all together as a family on Christmas. Visit parents and siblings etc but as a family xx

Gth1234 · 17/12/2018 21:59

I would have thought an 8 week old should be with mum, wherever mum is. Easiest way would be for you to do one day at his, and one day at your parents, and next year do it the other way. Personally, I don't think that your brother's availability is so important.

Awkward, as you can get a lot of pressure from in-laws, and it's hard to stand up to it sometimes.

LovelyIssues · 17/12/2018 22:12

I would stay at home just you 3 as a family

seven201 · 17/12/2018 22:14

No way would I be leaving my new (ish) baby for a whole day unnecessarily, especially on a family day like Boxing Day. Say you're coming too.

Pre dc me and dh spent Christmas apart, but as soon as we had a dc we have taken turns to see our families on the big day, and the other ones family either before or after.

Maemae06 · 17/12/2018 22:30

i Would find it very strange that a grown man who has children himself would want to stay at his mums xmas eve and not in his own house with his own family. This is your turn now to make your own traditions for your family.if you agree to this what about next year? My daughter can’t remember her first xmas but we do and it was lovely to be a parent at xmas for the first time as a family.

Cleo18 · 17/12/2018 22:31

Please don't leave her. DD needs you and you need her. I had a winter baby and that first Christmas we saw no-one. We stayed in the cosy living room, watched tv, ate chocolate and dozed when we could. It was magical. I could nto bear to be apart from my baby.

She grew up and travelled the world but we are still close and she is very secure. As everyone is saying - this is just wrong.

SilverDoe · 17/12/2018 22:44

Please don’t be separate from your baby, I’m feeling sick and stressed on your behalf and I don’t even know you :(

A few hours away is fine for a little one but not fine at all if the mum is not happy with it. I left DD with my sister and mum at 14 weeks to go to an event we had pre booked before I was pregnant and although I enjoyed it I was very anxious and missed DD terribly. If you’re not willing it will be so much worse.

New mothers have to stand up for themselves more and prioritise themselves and their babies, you have every right in the world to be relaxing with your DD.

Teagoanngoanngoann · 17/12/2018 23:21

If it was me.. i think i would be more raging that my partner didnt want to spend xmas with me!! Has he not realised the three of you are a unit now? Have you always spent Christmases apart? I find this really bizarre.
Why does he feel his mothers needs take priority over that of his partner and child?
I know everyones relationships are different but i would definitely not be prepared to play second fiddle to his mum.

Blondebakingmumma · 17/12/2018 23:33

Any update OP?

coconutpie · 17/12/2018 23:41

This thread is quite upsetting. You have a newborn baby. You clearly do not want a "day off" from your newborn! You need to stop trying to please people. Your first priority now is baby and yourself. Your baby needs you. Your baby does not need to be separated from you at 8 weeks old.

Your 'D'P and MIL are both being dicks. You and DD are a package deal.

BenjiB · 18/12/2018 00:02

You have your own family now. We stay home, we gave up dragging the kids out of the house on Xmas day years ago, visit the grandparents but I’d definitely have your own Xmas. I can’t believe his mother is insisting and he’s going along with that!

Weezol · 18/12/2018 00:14

I'd also be wary @BlondeAmbition44 that your MiL doesn't encourage your partner to have 'just one more' to the point he can't drive home safely and they get to keep your baby overnight

Good grief, that hadn't occurred to me but it's a very good point.

lborgia · 18/12/2018 03:31

I hope you're ok OP, and that voicing your opinion didn't start a massive argument. Completely your choice, but hope you can pop in to let us know you're ok.

LittleOwl · 18/12/2018 06:30

@blondeambition - rooting for you. Hope you are ok.
Having a newborn can change family dynamics and it is by having our baby’s best interests at heart that helps pulling us through.
Good luck with finding your voice - and staying safe - your baby needs you. A massive hug!!!
FlowersFlowers

MsTSwift · 18/12/2018 08:04

I don’t think the prison service would separate an 8 week old from its mother but your mil happy to Hmm

haloumi · 18/12/2018 08:34

I'm confused to the point where I cannot understand if you are actually a family.... It reads like you are already divorced and working out how you are going to ferry the child around at Christmas?

Even though 8 week old babies are unforgiving and fairly unrewarding for dads, surely he must know he is expected to be a parent above anything else, and his parents should know that also....

Janecon · 18/12/2018 08:41

Putting the baby issue to the side, I think you should be asking why your DP doesn't want to spend Xmas with YOU?

ittakes2 · 18/12/2018 08:45

I would be mostly worried why he does not care about spending Christmas Day with you! Sorry!

DoinItForTheKids · 18/12/2018 08:48

I don't think it's even about that in my mind. OP sounds like she's bullied and pushed down by these people and she has no voice and I'm worried that she's not responding any more and what that means. I hope she's alright.

FestiveNut · 18/12/2018 09:07

Are you still there, OP?

DollyWilde · 18/12/2018 09:30

It reads like you are already divorced and working out how you are going to ferry the child around at Christmas?

Oh well, at least it will be good practice for when that really is the case, after family life gets too hard for him and goes back to his mother’s cosseting..,

OP this is horrific. Your DH needs to step up to the plate, right now. As has been said many, many times on this thread, you are the primary unit, and he needs to realise he is a father now.

Original poster
BlondeAmbition44 · 18/12/2018 09:59

Sorry to no reply at all yesterday guys me and dd were having one of those days where nothing goes to plan. Have spoke to d.p and have said im really not okay with being away from her on boxing day so it simply isnt happening, and he has said he will speak to his dm. I already feel like i know the responce thats coming, but have left him under no illusions that shes going nowhere without me.

@Sillyshell my parents think its rather odd to say the least, hes been invited to their home for christmas but instead is going to his mums, they cant quite comprehend why he wouldnt want to be with his daughter on christmas morning be she 8 weeks old or 8 years old.

Cant believe something i was so looking forward to has now become so stressful and left me just wishing it was all over.

OP posts:
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