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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude? Facebook related

138 replies

ZoeZebra1 · 15/12/2018 14:39

I am not on Facebook and do not really like it for various reasons. I have previously told friend that I don't like it many times and that I would not want pictures of my children on there as I personally feel it's not right to put their pictures online and give them an online presence without their permission, it just seems disrespectful and I may inadvertently post something that embarrasses them in years to come. Also there are people (including mutual friends of this friend) who I avoid and would not want them to have access to pictures of my children purely because I don't want them to know anything about me or my life.

Everyone can do what they want with their own kids pictures, this is just my preference. I don't go on about it, but my feelings are known.

Last week friend came over with her kids for a pre Xmas get together, kids swapped presents, music, food etc. My friend had forgotten her camera so after I emailed her some of the pictures for her own record.

This morning while having coffee with another friend she commented that it looked like we had fun last week, and you've guessed it, she had put all the photos I sent her on Facebook including ones of my children, some just of my children and lots showing inside my house etc.

I'm more annoyed than anything as she knows my feelings and we have discussed it plenty of times. But I don't want to come across as controlling and silly... However having pictures showing my kids and house online makes me feel exposed I suppose and like my privacy has been invaded.

I know in a world where people post everything from their lunch to their toilet habits makes me the oddball here, but surely I have a right to my own choices? Somehow it adds insult to injury that they were pictures I took and sent her...

So AIBU to be annoyed?
Would you say anything? If so what?

OP posts:
redcarbluecar · 15/12/2018 14:45

I think this is a bit out of order. You could decide it's not a huge deal, not say anything and just not pass photos on to her again or, if you do, explicitly ask her not to put them on FB. However I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to contact her and politely ask her to remove them.

MonsterKidz · 15/12/2018 14:48

Agree totally with redcar.

ShadyLady53 · 15/12/2018 14:51

It would annoy me too, I’m not on Facebook for similar reasons.

I’d tell her that you were upset that you found out from a friend that she’d put pictures of your children and your home on FB and ask her to please remove it and never put any pictures of your children and you on FB in future.

taxiforMIL · 15/12/2018 14:54

The problem is that because you’re so upset by it, it’s going to simmer with you unless you tell her why you’re annoyed.

I would be annoyed too

ShadyLady53 · 15/12/2018 14:54

I’ll also add that some people genuinely cannot fathom why someone would choose not to be on Facebook and not want pictures etc in the public domain and so they wouldn’t necessarily see this as an invasion of privacy.

OneMoreNameHiccup · 15/12/2018 15:01

YANBU.

I'd ask her to remove them.

applesisapple5 · 15/12/2018 15:06

YANBU, even if people share everything, they can usually see the POV of people who want to share nothing.
I've put old photos up and been asked to remove them, (drunken old uni photos) I was mortified that I'd put them up without asking even though I have my privacy settings so only friends (actual friends) can see. It's totally reasonable to explain that your friend told you she's a seen them, can you take them down and not put up any in future.

sockunicorn · 15/12/2018 15:13

i use facebook a lot as i have a sister in canada and other family in australia so like them to see what my children are up to and regularly post photos of my children on there. however i would NEVER post photos i took in another persons home. I also have some friends that are not on facebook and I wouldnt dream of putting photos of their children up.

you should definitely say something. its invading your privacy and boundaries and not fair. especially if she knows you dont like social media

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 15/12/2018 15:18

It's not rude, but its bang out of order. She has done something to specifically told her NOT to do. Big breach of boundaries.

Luckingfovely · 15/12/2018 15:20

Yeah, it's totally unacceptable. I am on fb but do not ever have pictures of the kids.

This has happened on occasion to me and I've always just sent an immediate message asking them politely but firmly to remove them straight away.

"I understand you have put the photos of last weekend on Facebook - please take down now as you know I don't like photos of my house or children on there. Many thanks".

eddielizzard · 15/12/2018 15:20

I would call her and ask her to delete them. YANBU at all. I'd be pretty upset.

Lizadork · 15/12/2018 15:22

That is rude, and thoughtless!!

Original poster
ZoeZebra1 · 15/12/2018 15:24

Thanks, I was prepared to be told I was being precious over it all so good to know I'm not unreasonable. However I will offend her if I say to take down so need to word it carefully.b

OP posts:
AnoukSpirit · 15/12/2018 15:25

You will offend her if you ask her to respect you?

Amallamard · 15/12/2018 15:27

YANBU you are entitled to make that choice. Ask for them to be removed.

Raininspaintoday · 15/12/2018 15:28

How old are you dc?

7yo7yo · 15/12/2018 15:29

Erm offend her? She’s obviously not bothered about offending her!
Message and say
Hi can you take the pics of my house and kids down please as I find it very intrusive.
Thanks

Original poster
ZoeZebra1 · 15/12/2018 15:46

@Raininspaintoday why do you ask the ages of the children? Just wondering why it's relevant?

I know what you are all saying about offending her, but she is normally a nice person and I don't want to upset her. She is thoughtless, about this and other things, but she isn't horrible or anything.
Also, the pictures have been on for a week and when I looked at my friend's Facebook today the mutual friends I avoid have already liked them.
But yes, I know I have to say something... However I fully expect her to reply with a "my Facebook page, my choice/rules" and she has said this before when I asked her take down an unflattering and drunken picture of me. (She put it on while we were out together which is how I knew and thought it was hilarious!)

OP posts:
Raininspaintoday · 15/12/2018 15:48

@ZoeZebra1 just curious as if they were babies i wouldn't be to fussed but older children I would.

HidDis · 15/12/2018 15:50

Nope not on, awful.

Apart from the invasion of privacy/boundary breaching, you own the copyright to those photos as you took them.

She shouldn't being publishing them ethically, morally or legally!

Although, just a quick, factual text I think - "Please can you take my photos down? Thanks, all the best"

Original poster
ZoeZebra1 · 15/12/2018 15:50

"Hi -friend-, I saw -mutual friend- today and she mentioned that she had seen some of the photos from last week on Facebook. Would it be to take them down please as it makes me a bit uncomfortable. I know I'm a social media oddball but I'd just rather the kids didn't have an online presence til they decide to do it. Hope that's ok, Zoe X"

Going to send this, sound ok?

OP posts:
Thentherewascake · 15/12/2018 15:50

Why aren't you an adult about it, and just ask her to "please remove the photos" because you don't like your privacy being published online.

It's only a big drama if you make it one.

Original poster
ZoeZebra1 · 15/12/2018 15:51

Ah ok @Raininspaintoday, I do have a baby but also three others who are primary school aged.

OP posts:
HidDis · 15/12/2018 15:53

my Facebook page, my choice/rules" and she has said this before when I asked her take down an unflattering and drunken picture of me

Not the words nor the actions of a nice person tbh.

And not her photos to publish on SM - they are yours, as I said, you own the copyright to the ones you took and only you can give permission for them to be published.

Your photos, your rules.

TornFromTheInside · 15/12/2018 15:54

Also, if you took the photos, you own the copyright, and she's no right to post them on Facebook, but that would sound awfully aggressive if you told her that.

People are just so ignorant about the pitfalls of online presence, and they consider anybody who isn't into Facebook (or similar) as slightly paranoid. More fool them, but you are being entirely reasonable in looking out for the best interests of you and your children.

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