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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Food “allergies” and buffets

161 replies

rose789 · 15/12/2018 10:09

On Boxing Day we’re hosting 18 people for a buffet and I was really looking forward to it.
Sent a message out a few weeks ago to ask if any one had any dietary requirements. One of my friends has Coeliac disease so I was already making as much stuff as possible gluten free, and I’m planning on having a separate table for food that contains gluten to prevent cross contamination. All fine and dandy.
Couple of people have a shellfish allergy- no problem I won’t serve any.

My friends girlfriend messaged today. Backstory; they’ve been dating about 18 months, love my friend she’s a sweetheart but her girlfriend is so high maintenance. Everything has to be about her, there always has to be some drama every time we get together. I don’t like the woman but I always try to make an effort for my friends sake.

So she messaged this morning, to say that she couldn’t have gluten or wheat as she was allergic (crying face emojis galore)
I don’t believe her at all (I know I sound like bitch) but I have seen her eat gluten before (and recently) and she certainly didn’t show any ill effects. Messaged back to say not to worry friend X has ceoliac so there will be gf options.
Obviously didn’t give her the response she was looking for as she responded oh and did I tell you I was vegan?
Fuck off are you!! You decided to be vegan over night- nah mate.
I really want to respond back saying not to bother coming, but that will play right into her hands and give her the drama she wants. I think the only thing I can do is a message saying if she had told me this on X date when I asked I would have catered but it’s too late now. There will be salad on the table but she is welcome to bring her own food.
WWYD? And AIBU to want to punch her in the throat right now

OP posts:
MardyArabella · 15/12/2018 10:14

You just don’t like her

Piggyhoolier · 15/12/2018 10:16

I’d message your friend and say

“So sorry, didn’t realise xx was vegan - can’t believe that detail managed to pass me by! Never to worry, will do my best for the buffet but please be aware it might not be a very luxurious meal for her as I’ve limited time to find suitable food for her; being both vegan and gluten free is a challenge, I won’t be offended if she’d prefer to bring her own food. Can’t wait to see you both, love Rose”

EspressoButler · 15/12/2018 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MacarenaFerreiro · 15/12/2018 10:19

Give her a carrot and tell her to crack on.

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2018 10:20

What were you planning on cooking before she dropped the vegan gf bombshell?

youcanthaveitchyteeth · 15/12/2018 10:21

Being vegan is a choice - allergies are not

chatwoo · 15/12/2018 10:22

I would just respond along the lines of, no I wasn't aware that you're a vegan, sadly I've done all the catering now - there will be xyz that you can eat, but you may wish to bring your own food just to make sure you have things you like.

TeddyIsaHe · 15/12/2018 10:22

I’m very understanding with allergies and dietary requirements, but I too would want to slap her. What a pain!

Just do some boring salads so she learns to stop being such a bloody nuisance for attention.

Chocolate85 · 15/12/2018 10:22

Yep, she’s being awkward. @Piggyhoolier has got it spot on. That way you’re being as nice as you can while letting her know there’s only so much you can do.

TeddyIsaHe · 15/12/2018 10:24

Oh and watch her like a hawk - if she tried to sneak any gluteny non-vegan food, slap it dramatically out of her hand to protect her from her mistake!

Also tell her the booze isn’t vegan 😂

greendale17 · 15/12/2018 10:25

She declared she is gluten free and vegan?

Being vegan is a choice - allergies are not

^I agree

EspressoButler · 15/12/2018 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GCAcademic · 15/12/2018 10:27

Give her a tub of hummus and some celery sticks.

soulrider · 15/12/2018 10:30

Gluten free vegan is incredibly restricted. In think if that was genuinely someone's dietary restrictions they'd be surprised to be catered for.

WhiteDust · 15/12/2018 10:32

DD has two friends who are vegan and at DD's party I inadvertently managed to provide a vegan feast for them.
Lots of fruit, salad, couscous type stuff, bread, tomato dips, potato wedges etc. They're teenagers so I provided a ton of biscuits and crisps too.
DD said that they ate loads.

Real Vegans know what they can and can't eat. Unless your party menu centres around a hog roast. She'll cope.

HidDis · 15/12/2018 10:32

Definitely message your friend back not her- she's essentially a guest of a guest - in fact I'd ignore anymore messages from her (how did she get your number??? )

But message your friend Piggyhoolier's message for sure, also add the non-vegan alcohol.

Be aware there'll be some kind drama at the party - again let your friend deal with it.

Essentially do not engage with her.

TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 15/12/2018 10:33

Most of the booze won't be vegan.

OftenHangry · 15/12/2018 10:34

@TeddyIsaHe you don't know how righ you are though😂
Many, many, many wines and beers are not vegan.

WhiteDust · 15/12/2018 10:34

Just to add, Vegan & gluten free - she'll have to work out for herself what she can have.
You're going over and above as it is.

Raven88 · 15/12/2018 10:34

Get some carrot and celery sticks, grapes and some vegan soft cheese and some gluten/vegan free bread Tesco has a good selection. Then I would make an amazing buffet that she claims she can't have. I'm veggie and I choose to eat gluten free and I don't use dairy but if someone is hosting I will say I'm veggie, I don't mention my gluten and dairy choices.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 15/12/2018 10:34

It may be that she is being a drama queen but with 11 days to go you can rustle up a few potato wedges and some humous without punching her in the throat.

itsalmostfriday · 15/12/2018 10:37

I'd quietly just cater for her and create as little fuss as possible.
Put the vegan food beside the gluten free table.
Tell her you have a few vegans coming so she knows you haven't just done it for her.

Missingstreetlife · 15/12/2018 10:39

Hummus, guacamole, nuts. Sorted

Original poster
rose789 · 15/12/2018 10:40

I’m going to make her her very own plate “because I would hate for her to accidentally eat any animal products or gluten and I was so worried” Give her the saddest salad I can muster and a banana and like TeddyIsaHe says watch her like a hawk!!! Oooh I never even thought about booze- “what a shame you’ve made the decision to be vegan but here’s some tap water I put a lemon slice in for the festive season”
Oh I think I can have lots of fun with this one, and not make myself out to be a bad bugger because I really don’t want to upset my friend.

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 15/12/2018 10:40

Couscous is not gluten free