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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Food “allergies” and buffets

161 replies

rose789 · 15/12/2018 10:09

On Boxing Day we’re hosting 18 people for a buffet and I was really looking forward to it.
Sent a message out a few weeks ago to ask if any one had any dietary requirements. One of my friends has Coeliac disease so I was already making as much stuff as possible gluten free, and I’m planning on having a separate table for food that contains gluten to prevent cross contamination. All fine and dandy.
Couple of people have a shellfish allergy- no problem I won’t serve any.

My friends girlfriend messaged today. Backstory; they’ve been dating about 18 months, love my friend she’s a sweetheart but her girlfriend is so high maintenance. Everything has to be about her, there always has to be some drama every time we get together. I don’t like the woman but I always try to make an effort for my friends sake.

So she messaged this morning, to say that she couldn’t have gluten or wheat as she was allergic (crying face emojis galore)
I don’t believe her at all (I know I sound like bitch) but I have seen her eat gluten before (and recently) and she certainly didn’t show any ill effects. Messaged back to say not to worry friend X has ceoliac so there will be gf options.
Obviously didn’t give her the response she was looking for as she responded oh and did I tell you I was vegan?
Fuck off are you!! You decided to be vegan over night- nah mate.
I really want to respond back saying not to bother coming, but that will play right into her hands and give her the drama she wants. I think the only thing I can do is a message saying if she had told me this on X date when I asked I would have catered but it’s too late now. There will be salad on the table but she is welcome to bring her own food.
WWYD? And AIBU to want to punch her in the throat right now

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 15/12/2018 14:15

Well the bacon thing feels like my stomach is inflated and sore like sunburn on the inside. I really feel that if I could just burp it would hurt less, but I don't burp. Then for about 5 days the internal sunburn feeling moves down my digestive system until it leaves by the usual method. Not 'pain' in the sense of being doubled over with it, but very much discomfort with being aware of sore all the time.

Other types of food/skin care/toiletries have other symptoms.

IcedPurple · 15/12/2018 14:16

I do know that certain brands (invariably the more expensive, hand-crafted stuff) don't cause a problem so I stick to them.

Slightly puzzled as to how bacon can be 'hand-crafted' and how this (which sounds more like a marketing buzzword than anything) could assist with a genuine food intolerance.

AppleKatie · 15/12/2018 14:17

I don’t get why people do this. There is an otherwise lovely woman at work who makes a song and dance about GF options. Brings her own sealed snacks etc... Then recently we were at another colleagues house for dinner. Colleague had gone to loads of effort to avoid contamination etc.. and first colleague just waved an airy hand and said ‘oh I’m not that bad’ and ate something with Gluten in.

I mean why ? why would you deliberately inconvenience yourself and everyone who hosts you ever if you didn’t need too. Bizarre.

abacucat · 15/12/2018 14:18

Yes this is not an intolerance.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 15/12/2018 14:21

I'd get a nice selection of vegan cheeses and gluten free crackers. Maybe with the addition of some vegan Quorn ham (not the normal one, that's just vegetarian. The vegan one is available in Sainsbury's)

Both the vegan cheeses and vegan ham are foul delicious

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 15/12/2018 14:24

It's most likely not a 'food' intolerance as such, it's probably a preservative, but I don't know which one just that it's probably a cheap one that gives a longer shelf life.

I never mention my issues in real life, mostly because I'm able to control my own diet so don't need to. If I'm eating a friend's house I just eat what I'm ok with and it doesn't look any different to them than normal preference. And even if I do eat the wrong thing it's only a minor effect, eg pain or diahorrea

Bunnymumma · 15/12/2018 14:26

Ask her to bring some things she likes. I would also make some flags on cocktail sticks and just bung them in anything gluten free and vegan. Crisps, hummus, crudités etc.

We're vegan and always bring food with us to save people having the fuss. It's not heir fault we chose to follow this path and I don't think a host should have their generosity tested like that.

FWIW she sounds like a prize twat. If you cater to her, she'll suddenly develop a need to eat palm oil free as well!

IrmaFayLear · 15/12/2018 14:33

I simply don't understand why good manners have flown out of the window.

It doesn't matter if you are allergic, intolerant or simply a fusspot, it is rude to make a song and dance about catering. If one is asked beforehand, and it is a lunch/dinner party, then one can say if one is a vegetarian or has a problem with a specific food, but a buffet? Go along and surreptitiously eat something out of your handbag. It is unbelievably rude to start making demands, especially if you are a tenth division guest.

IrmaFayLear · 15/12/2018 14:35

And as others have said, if you have an allergy - a proper allergy - you surely wouldn't trust other people's interpretation of your problem food.

GiBlues · 15/12/2018 14:35

Tesco do a free from pizza it’s says:

Free from: Milk, milk derivatives or Milk based dairy ingredients, Cereals containing Gluten, Wheat or Wheat derivatives, Egg or Egg derivatives.

So it’s gluten free and it’s vegan. Bing that in the oven and give her that, job done.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 15/12/2018 14:49

And as others have said, if you have an allergy - a proper allergy - you surely wouldn't trust other people's interpretation of your problem food.

I was in hospital recently and another lady on the ward had foid allergies and her parents were having to prepare her meals at home and bring them in for her

Elphie54 · 15/12/2018 14:52

“
I was in hospital recently and another lady on the ward had foid allergies and her parents were having to prepare her meals at home and bring them in for her”

You sure this wasn’t me? Anytime I’ve been in the hospital my parents or DP have to bring me food. I’ve had hospitals fuck up more than once before.

IrmaFayLear · 15/12/2018 14:59

Why do people make a fuss, though? It's just one meal. (Obviously different if you are in hospital etc.)

I went to a wedding and a guest on my table had requested a vegan meal. When the meal arrived - watercress something or other - she called the bride over (bride was a work colleague) and said, "I don't like this." Shock How mortifying !

Aside from life-threatening allergies, in which it is ok to be careful, people have bought into this "I'm special" ethos and it's not attractive. At all.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 15/12/2018 15:02

You sure this wasn’t me? Anytime I’ve been in the hospital my parents or DP have to bring me food. I’ve had hospitals fuck up more than once before

Did you spend the same long, tedious week on the same postnatal ward that I did this month?

IHopeThisIsAGoodIdea · 15/12/2018 15:06

It sounds like you invited my sister OP, sorry about that.

Elphie54 · 15/12/2018 15:08

“Did you spend the same long, tedious week on the same postnatal ward that I did this month?“

No. Thankfully I have t been in the hospital for a while. Guess I’m not the only one who does that in the hospital lol.

DogInATent · 15/12/2018 15:18

Is it a recognised condition? What are the tests? How is it defined?

Try applying that to lactose intolerance @IcedPurple where (contrary to popular belief) there is no definitive test to diagnose,. Yet its recognised and the consequence of the reaction are measurable. Same as with non-coeliac gluten intolerance and related conditions.

Well, that's pretty irresponsible of them. Coeliacs can't tolerate even the slightest trace of gluten, as you know. For someone to claim they are "coeliac" when they can happily tuck into an organic home-baked artisan sourdough loaf gives a highly - and for genuine coeliacs, dangerously - misleading view of the condition.

Honestly, I couldn't give a f-ck. If they increase the demand for gluten-free products that's all the more for me. If the general public were more accepting of food intolerances they wouldn't have to use short-cut descriptions. She wouldn't very much understanding from you, would she?

IcedPurple · 15/12/2018 15:24

Try applying that to lactose intolerance @IcedPurple where (contrary to popular belief) there is no definitive test to diagnose,. Yet its recognised and the consequence of the reaction are measurable. Same as with non-coeliac gluten intolerance and related conditions.

That doesn't really answer my question.

Like I've said, I've no doubt genuine gluten intolerance exists, but I do have doubts that all of those who claim to have such a intolerance (when it suits) actually have such an intolerance.

If the general public were more accepting of food intolerances they wouldn't have to use short-cut descriptions

I think most people are very accepting of genuine food intolerances. It's just that some of us are a wee bit sceptical of those who claim to have an undiagnosed 'gluten intolerance' yet will happily tuck into gluten-heavy food when it's tasty or trendy enough for them.

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 15/12/2018 15:53

Brizzle, don't feed lettuce to rabbits! İt is very bad for them.

#RightsforRabbits

(Entirely misses point of the thread)

IrmaFayLear · 15/12/2018 16:38

Bil has declared himself lactose intolerant. Diagnosed by his hopi ear candle therapist...

Purpleartichoke · 15/12/2018 16:48

As someone with unusual allergies and sensitivities, all I really want is for the food to be labeled with all ingredients, not just the common alllergens (since mine are different). Barring that since it has never happened anywhere other than my home when I prepare everything, I’ll eat beforehand, stick to the few things unlikely to be a problem and keep my fingers crossed.

So I think your guest is being Ridiculous.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 15/12/2018 16:49

Why would he need a hopi specialist to diagnose lactose intolerance, it's one of the ones that is usually very apparent because you eat dairy and then 24 hours later you're farting and/or running to the loo. Even my DC know, they'll smell a fart and say "Mum, have you been eating cheese again?" Grin I do love a soft cheese like camembert or Gubbeen, it's like someone who gets hangovers still having a few drinks on a night out, sometimes the pleasure is worth the following pain. I'm not sure that my family entirely agree on that though.

Purpleartichoke · 15/12/2018 17:02

Oh and hand-crafted kind of stuff can make a difference. I have a clinically diagnosed allergy to a particular preservative. When I eat it, I break out in hives. Thankfully allergy testing was able to pin down the particular preservative so reading labels helps keep me safe.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 15/12/2018 17:06

I would just buy the most boring gluten free, vegan option that I could find (if I couldn't find anything more boring I'd do he gluten free vegan pizza from Tesco. Otherwise maybe just humus and carrot sticks) That way you've catered for her but she'll probably look wistfully at all of your other yummy food and might stop being vegan as quickly as she started.

IcedPurple · 15/12/2018 17:10

Oh and hand-crafted kind of stuff can make a difference. I have a clinically diagnosed allergy to a particular preservative.

In your case, either the particular preservative is present, or it is not. Simply asking if it's "hand-crafted kind of stuff" isn't the correct question. Not to mention that most "hand-crafted kind of stuff" hardly ever is actually 'hand-crafted' (whatever the hell that means) and very often contains tons of additives and other preservatives.