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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Food “allergies” and buffets

161 replies

rose789 · 15/12/2018 10:09

On Boxing Day we’re hosting 18 people for a buffet and I was really looking forward to it.
Sent a message out a few weeks ago to ask if any one had any dietary requirements. One of my friends has Coeliac disease so I was already making as much stuff as possible gluten free, and I’m planning on having a separate table for food that contains gluten to prevent cross contamination. All fine and dandy.
Couple of people have a shellfish allergy- no problem I won’t serve any.

My friends girlfriend messaged today. Backstory; they’ve been dating about 18 months, love my friend she’s a sweetheart but her girlfriend is so high maintenance. Everything has to be about her, there always has to be some drama every time we get together. I don’t like the woman but I always try to make an effort for my friends sake.

So she messaged this morning, to say that she couldn’t have gluten or wheat as she was allergic (crying face emojis galore)
I don’t believe her at all (I know I sound like bitch) but I have seen her eat gluten before (and recently) and she certainly didn’t show any ill effects. Messaged back to say not to worry friend X has ceoliac so there will be gf options.
Obviously didn’t give her the response she was looking for as she responded oh and did I tell you I was vegan?
Fuck off are you!! You decided to be vegan over night- nah mate.
I really want to respond back saying not to bother coming, but that will play right into her hands and give her the drama she wants. I think the only thing I can do is a message saying if she had told me this on X date when I asked I would have catered but it’s too late now. There will be salad on the table but she is welcome to bring her own food.
WWYD? And AIBU to want to punch her in the throat right now

OP posts:
SprusselBrout · 15/12/2018 10:40

Being vegan is a choice, but not one which anyone should expect someone to ever compromise.

Gluten free vegan is surprisingly easy - lots of proper options, no bowls of fruit needed Wink - but I wouldn’t expect a non-vegan with short notice to sort something out.

sackrifice · 15/12/2018 10:41

'ok thanks for the info'.

colditz · 15/12/2018 10:43

Let her be vegan and allergic to whatever she likes.

Make sure you cater for it too - salad, potato wedges, hoummous, plenty of shitty vegan biscuit shite from the GF selection in Tesco ... make sure you tell her how EASY it has been to cater for her (only if she 'apologises' for her awkward 'needs', of course) and how you'd have made the same whether or not she had been there.

She will be sure to announce her pregnancy/sex change after receiving 0 attention for her disordered eating, so be sure to film.

Oldraver · 15/12/2018 10:43

Just say no problem, take the wind out of her sails...and do what others have mentioned..I would stick a baked potato in the microwave

Notacluethisxmas · 15/12/2018 10:44

I would message back that vegan food was already on the plan anyway. I know that asda have introduced loads new products that are vegan friendly and gluten free for the Christmas period. Just tell her the choices will be limited and maybe add a 'odd that friend never mentioned that'

I would want to see if she adds anything else. If she does, then I would tell her she needs to bring her own food. That gluten free, vegan plus whatever else she doesn't eat, isn't readily available.

Fwiw loads of people lie about being gluten free. I owned a restaurant, that provided gluten free food. We had a separate kitchen for it. Loads of people would say they need the gluten free option and then eat off the plates of their friends who hadn't ordered gluten free.

I also have a sil that seems to become vegan everytime there is a party with a buffet. Then stops a few days after. Some people are just pains in the arses.

spiderplantsalad · 15/12/2018 10:44

I'm also coeliac and sometimes I do offer just to bring my own food and enjoy the company. If I were also a vegan I would absolutely expect to be bringing my own food and politely explain to the hosts. If I were hosting said vegan andwas neither coeliac nor vegan myself I'd have fruit, olives etc out and have some sealed packets of things that were safe.

Don't do couscous, it's made from wheat though I think it's a good choice for vegans. But the tiny little bits can easily get scattered through the GF food and be undetectable until eaten. Rice is good though.

CottonSock · 15/12/2018 10:45

Stick some potato waffles in toaster. Plus baked beans. Voila. Gf and vegan Wink

CottonSock · 15/12/2018 10:46

Although a rice salad might be kinder. Not cous cous as pp advised not gf

BarbarianMum · 15/12/2018 10:46

Carrot sticks, pepper strips, nuts, a bit of hummus, few "fee from crackers" and a sad little glass of lemonade. And yy all on her own colour coded plate. Sorted Grin

Im gf and trying to eat more vegan food and I am finding it quite tricky - unless you want to start cooking her curries.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 15/12/2018 10:47

Add some potato salad, green leaf salad and chickpeas in a bit of dressing to the gluten-free table and she's good to go. Also make sure that there are the most delicious, obviously-creamy desserts so that you can pop up and say "that's not vegan" as she's about to help herself. She can have fruit salad. Grin

BarbarianMum · 15/12/2018 10:49

How do you make potato salad vegan?

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2018 10:52

Use vegan mayo barbarian

twiglet · 15/12/2018 10:52

My friend is gluten free vegan - genuine allergies to dairy, eggs and gluten eventually went vegan through personal choice.
She always let people know well in advance!

Making her a plate is a great idea! Homous, quinoa with griddle vegetables is easy say really sorry I couldn't find any vegan wine (they do make it)

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 15/12/2018 10:52

My ex used to organise music events where bands from out of town would need accommodation and catering etc. One band had a ridiculous ‘rider’ which, among other things, specified ‘nutritious and wholesome vegan food’. This was quite a while ago when vegan alternatives weren’t so ready available in supermarkets.

I pulled out all the stops and made them a vegan feast with home made falafel, soup, vegan cupcakes etc. I also included some cheese for the few band members who weren’t vegan.

The first guy to walk into the room went ‘ooh, cheese!’ and popped a piece straight in his mouth. I carefully explained the different sections of the buffet and which foods weren’t vegan so that he could relay it to his bandmates.

He looked at me, confused and then said ‘but no one’s vegan... well, I mean, I was for a while but I’ve decided to ‘cheat’ on this trip’ then stood there just shovelling cheese into his mouth and ignoring everything else on the table. I was livid.

A tenner says your ‘vegan’ guest will turn up, see your delicious buffet and go ‘oooh well it’s just the one day isn’t it?’ and then demolish the meat and dairy products like there’s no tomorrow.

WhiteDust · 15/12/2018 10:52

How do you make potato salad vegan?
Plant based mayo

SaucyJack · 15/12/2018 10:53

You can get vegan mayo Barbarian. Can even make your own in a blender with soya milk, vinegar and oil.

Just put out hummus, potatoes and savoury rice- and leave her to it.

SprusselBrout · 15/12/2018 10:53

Barbarian use vegan mayo (sold in most supermarkets). Hellmans have just released a vegan one which I’ve seen in sainsburys Smile

howabout · 15/12/2018 10:54

I have an Uncle who is Vegan and Coeliac. Advice here would be get her to bring her own food to make sure she doesn't go hungry and let her help herself from your options as she can - to facilitate I would have options with non-combined ingredients so she can be sure what she is eating.

I also have several friends with severe nut allergy (including most pulses). Not sure it would be possible to cater for both at the same time.

Original poster
rose789 · 15/12/2018 10:55

You lot are awesome thank you so much.
I’ve responded to her just saying no problem there is already vegan and gluten free options on the buffet. Looking forward to seeing you both.
I’m making salads and dips and crudités anyway. It’s up to her to work out what she can and can’t eat from the gf options.
My original idea of giving her her own special plate will just feed into her drama. I’ll just quietly crack on and not make a fuss, although Dp now wants to buy an entire hog roast just to piss her off Grin

OP posts:
SprusselBrout · 15/12/2018 10:56

I understand that posters are suggesting not trying too hard - or perhaps being a bit mean - as far as this difficult guest is concerned. But with enough notice I would hope that people wouldn’t just scowl and say “eh they can have hummus, olives and fruit”.

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2018 10:59

What are you planning to serve at your buffet?

AnotherRoadsideAttraction · 15/12/2018 11:03

Re. vegan potato salad - you can also do a delicious German-style vinegar & oil dressing (vinegar, mustard, dill pickles, capers, red onion, oil). Yum!

sunshinesupermum · 15/12/2018 11:03

I would tell her as well as GF you have plenty of vegetables and if she'd like to bring something vegan to add that would be cool. 'Look forward to seeing you both etc'

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2018 11:04

AnotherRoadsideAttraction that sounds delicious. Have you got a recipe?

OneStepMoreFun · 15/12/2018 11:04

Totally agree about telling her the booze isn't vegan. I have a very strict vegan friend and have to be extra careful to choose a wine that hasn't used soemthing to do with fish in its filters (George duBoeuf wines are fine - in case anyone needs a quick, safe option.)

I think a newly-decided vegan gluten free guest of a guest could bring some food to share that she can also eat.