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Original poster

Christmas do cheaters!

333 replies

youcanthandlethetruth · 13/12/2018 15:28

Just curious as to whether this is the norm

One woman I work with is having an affair with two married men in our office. Which she and they have since admitted to. Notably was seen getting into a taxi with both following the Christmas do!

On the same night of the Christmas do, another woman kissed a man who just got married last month. Seen kissing a few times in front of everyone! When I asked her about it she said “awk it’s just one of the those things.” She also cheated on her partner earlier in the year with a different man we work with.

Another younger girl who just started in the office last month is also suspected of being overly friendly with another married man. Everyone suspects an affair but this has never been confirmed.

Thing is - none of their partner’s know. I know this for a fact from various conversations throughout the year.

And my male boss has admitted to fancying someone else in our office. He always says that if he got the chance to have a night with her he’d take it (again he has been married for a long time)

Am I the only faithful person out there. How do people do this with no conscience. I would feel wick if I did that on my dp.

OP posts:
BirdieInTheHand · 13/12/2018 22:21

Lawyer here. IME it's all about the young uns in the big consultancies - lots of 20/30 somethings shagging around and partying esp on overseas assignments, whilst at the bar it's much older men shagging mistresses.

They virtually all had them.

enoughisenough2 · 13/12/2018 22:22

@MrsMWA GrinGrinGrinsame here!! How I wish he will just run off one day

TooManyPaws · 13/12/2018 22:29

Police are unbelievable - officers and staff. I remember two members of police staff having an affair; when his wife found out it turned into a three-way affair. The female staff member was also having a separate affair with a senior detective. Parties were wild.

I'm also old enough to remember all the fuss about women going to sea. What the complaining wives didn't realise were the numbers of passes from their husbands we were already fending off - at least at sea you're almost never alone.

anniehm · 13/12/2018 22:46

Thankfully this doesn't happen everywhere - lots of partners come along to functions where dh works, Christmas do this year was lunch!

OrigamiZoo · 13/12/2018 23:06

I don't get it - the blase attitude on here with everybody basically saying most people are shagging around yet go on Relationships and the human side saddens everybody.

Maybe we should be more realistic and rather then LTB and hand holding and hugs just say, look luv, get real we're all at it. Confused

IgglePiggleWiggle · 13/12/2018 23:14

It's quite a different thing to support an individual who is feeling upset versus acknowledging what you witness happen at work. It's not really the place to discuss the wider societal context of affairs and why they happen when someone is hurting but it is a conversation worth having.

The high earning men I know who have had lots of affairs or rather shags haven't really bonded properly with their families because they're never there. The kids are seen at weekends only and for brief periods of time. Working in a high pressure intense environment where you are there 90% of the time changes people's behaviour. And it's often not for the better.

busybarbara · 13/12/2018 23:15

Well you sort of have a point OrigamiZoo in the sense that having sex or kissing with someone else is not in itself morally wrong or damaging. The issue is with the things that follow those things like people neglecting their primary partner, not spending time with their kids or leaving for OW etc..

Iwanttoswingfromachandier · 13/12/2018 23:18

I'm NHS - and unfortunately in my trust it is rampant - the old cliche of consultant/secretary is alive and well.

I have no desire to socialise with my colleagues so never go to the works party and couldn't think of anything more pukesome than 'getting off' with a colleague never mind my consultant Xmas Envy

JaneJeffer · 13/12/2018 23:21

having sex or kissing with someone else is not in itself morally wrong or damaging
I totally disagree

Paddy1234 · 13/12/2018 23:22

I have worked for 20 years for my company.
Yup it's awful
I think I have stories on virtually everyone - and a lot are at very high level.
A bit better now everyone has got older
#squeaky clean 😃

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 13/12/2018 23:24

Bloody hell. I'm so shocked by this thread - obviously I'm massively sheltered. I've never worked anywhere where anyone would behave like that so openly! The worst was one married guy where I worked who I always thought was quite flirty with the secretaries at christmas dos. I wouldn't be surprised if he cheated one day but no way would anyone have done it so openly - not even kissing!

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 13/12/2018 23:34

When I was in my 20s (30 yrs ago 1984 - 1998) in the office I worked in affairs were rife. Loads of people were at it including the owner of the company who slept with at least four office girls and ended up leaving his wife and marrying one - who was 35 yrs younger than him.
I know of at least three other affairs which ended with with one or both the partners getting divorced.
It seemed exciting when I was first there but I was very young (21) and by the time I was in my late 20s the gloss had worn off and none of it sat comfortably with me.
I got married (to someone external to the firm), was faithful, rejected advances made to me, but eventually left because it was so much a part of the culture I just didn’t fit.
Some years later one of the men I had worked with, someone I considered a friend, and I, went out for dinner socially, hadn’t seen him for ages - he happened to be working near where I lived, my partner knew - all very innocent.
He came back to my house to call a cab, my young kids were asleep upstairs, and my partner away for the night, once the babysitter had gone my ‘friend’ (who was married with children), took his clothes off and chased me around the house. I had to lock myself in the bathroom and call my partner. Eventually he left and I have never seen him since. He also told me that night he was having an affair with his wife’s sister.

WineAndTiramisu · 14/12/2018 07:36

Very common in the medical field, especially surgeons!

Also there was a nurse I worked with who was shagging two other nurses from the same department (all married), there was a lot of fuss when they both found out they weren't the only one, rumour was he was hoping on a threesome...

mydogisthebest · 14/12/2018 08:03

I worked in law (6 different solicitors offices) for almost 30 years. So many staff having affairs it was sickening.

Christmas parties were awful, people snogging, going off to rooms or even cupboards together! One couple went out to the guy's car. I stopped going to the parties as I didn't enjoy them and so many of the antics disgusted me.

Some of the affairs were supposedly secret (although usually obvious) but quite a lot were open and people used to talk laugh about it. I was called a prude, misery etc because I didn't want to talk about it and didn't find it funny in the slightest.

Three member of my family work for the police and they all say how rife affairs are. They all think it's wrong though

Yesitwasmethistime · 14/12/2018 08:16

Another ex Big 4 accountant. Can confirm that the Xmas party was full of this stuff. The gossip afterwards was always brilliant.

We used to have a summer ball/ party to which partners were invited and a Xmas party which was staff only. DH (not an accountant but I used to tel him the tales) always referred to it as rife for people shagging on the photocopier! Although they were of course never held in the office but in a plush hotel.

Put a load of 20 and 30 somethings together, many of whom are single, together with alcohol and a plush environment and hey presto.

I was one of the few seriously attached ones so didn’t indulge. I was definitely in the minority.

OrangeJellySpread · 14/12/2018 08:23

It is not that bad where I work but some married men certainly behave like they are single on night outs. But, check this out, it is usually the ugly ones who are like this where I work, and I work with quite a few eye candies (men). The beautiful ones are actually faithful!

EllenOlenska · 14/12/2018 08:26

@GraceMarks Yup yup yup. Seconded re; Police. Havery couple of family members and mates in the Police.
It's absolutely rife. Also used to work as civvy on an forces base. Half the more senior men/women that lived on base full time weren't there for convenience but because they were going through divorce due to affairs. I was only there 18 mths and there were 3 disciplinaries due to bed hopping between rankstaff on site/sneaking into bedrooms etc...Hmm

GraceMarks · 14/12/2018 08:29

OrigamiZoo I don't think anyone is saying it's a good thing, but the OP did ask if it was common behaviour and unfortunately those of us who have worked in certain sectors saw it happen a lot.

The police was a particularly egregious example, partly because of the nature of the job and its pressures, I'm sure. But there was also a somewhat more primal reason in the force I worked for, which was that most of the officers were physically fit, attractive people in their 20s and 30s who were thrown together a lot. It was a pretty good service for equality too, so there were roughly equal numbers of men and women. Don't get me wrong, some of them were single and free to snog and/or shag whoever they liked, but an awful lot of them were cheats too. I stopped going on nights out with my colleagues after a while because I got tired of having to watch various combinations of them thrashing about in the corner of some pub while everyone else sat there with raised eyebrows trying to talk about something else.

Bestseller · 14/12/2018 08:30

IME even those who are "at it" can and do express disgust at the antics of others.

LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset · 14/12/2018 08:34

I decided to stay single recently for pretty much the first time in my adult life. This thread helps.

Otterses · 14/12/2018 08:50

DH's are awful. Though I think it's standard in the Forces. Partners are normally invited, but many don't tell them that so they can just shag whoever they feel like.

Last year, I stupidly agreed that his colleague could crash in our spare room after so she didn't have to drive home and disturb her DH and DC. At this point I was heavily pregnant, so didn't go. I spent the evening decorating the spare room for DS's arrival.

DH returned about 10. The friend came back using our spare key a few hours later with not one, but TWO blokes and spent the next two hours shagging them. We were both mortified.

Went in the next morning, and found DS's lovingly folded muslins had been used as spunk rags 🤢

SpiritedLondon · 14/12/2018 09:11

Otterses

Jesus that takes entitlement to a whole new level.... please tell us what THAT scene was like in the morning ?

Deathraystare · 14/12/2018 09:28

Never marry a police officer unless you work with them on the same shift pattern - they are the absolute worst for copping off (ha!) with each other during nights out. They can also usually drink about five times as much as any normal person, which helps blur the boundaries.

You are not wrong there! My poor brother was married twice. The first copped with a police man. The second copped off with an ex policeman who was an accountant!!

SpiritedLondon · 14/12/2018 09:40

Wow I think anyone married to a police officer is probably pretty anxious right now. I’m a police officer married to a police officer so I don’t know where that leaves us right now?

GraceMarks · 14/12/2018 09:46

SpiritedLondon I knew lots of police officers who married someone they met at work. It was a bit different in those cases because the other people they worked with had an equal sense of loyalty to both halves of the couple, so they wouldn't have stood by and watched one of them getting off with somebody else. They didn't feel any responsibility towards wives and husbands who they didn't know, though.