To think military families should be offered extra funded childcare provisions?

[PFB1]

I am a military wife and although being a soldier is a choice and in my opinion, you're not automatically owed anything for making that choice, I really feel as though child care is such an issue for military spouses.

The problem is, we move frequently, which makes it harder for spouses to have a successful career. We often live hundreds of miles from family so we have no offers of free childcare there, the communities we live in are so transient. Our friends move away, new people arrive. When a friendship reaches the point where you might be comfortable asking for help with childcare, it's likely one of you will end up being posted miles away.

On top of these issues, your spouse can be sent away at a moments notice for anything up to 9 months.

I think so many military spouses underachieve from a career point of view because it feels like there are just so many hurdles in your way. I think extra funded childcare for military families would be a wonderful idea to give spouses more opportunities to succeed.

I appreciate childcare is a touchy subject and difficult for many families to afford/juggle. I just think it would be a huge help to service families to have some additional support in that area.

I'd love to try to contact relevant organisations to discuss whether this is something we could propose but I firstly wanted to get an idea of if the general public would be unhappy about this.

I just think the army could allocate their budget in other ways in order to offer more support with childcare to the spouses who are so often left alone.

I'd quite like them to stop delaying the roll out of new equipment and vehicles so that the personnel are a bit safer. Maybe they could provide them with better kit instead of the cheapest shit going? How about those who live in the blocks actually have access to hot water all the time and when the heating is switched on for the Winter that it actually works?

And this idea of help with childcare is it only for army wives or can RAF and Navy wives be included too, because the military goes much further than the army, you know.

No. Children & family members of diplomats move just as often but they are never put on a pedestal in the same way as military. Most diplomats are not paid as well as people assume, basically a good civil servant level and need to budget for nannies, daycares or other big expenses.

The lifestyle challenges are extremely similar to military: far-flung countries every few years, language barriers, loneliness, long working hours, children constantly uprooted from friends & routine. However nobody would dare to suggest that diplomats get extra funding from public money simply because their lives are "difficult" due to a personal career choice.

scaryteacher and myselfonashelf genuinely interested in your view on this. I read the related thread you posted and it mentions needing to move every 4 years to qualify. So if a married couple over 10 years were in place A (family home near naval base) for 4 years, then place B (married quarters on base less than 60 miles away) for 6 months only and by their own admission only requested so they could “tick a box” on their CEA claim, then back to place A for 4 years - they still qualify?

This is why I think it’s MP’s expenses all over again. From what I read, the above falls within the rules (providing the correct paperwork is signed off regularly). However it’s surely not in the spirit of what CEA was intended for? They’ve never been posted abroad. He’s not been on a ship in a bazillion years. He does a senior desk job. It’s taking the piss and taking money away from military families who are moved across the world every 6 months.

Yes I know three naval families who have basically played the system.. all the blokes in senior jobs and all the children's' education heavily subsidised. The dads haven't served on board ship since the (now grown) children were tiny.
What makes cross is not that they've 'done well' but that thay money could be better spent on lower ranks who really do have it tough, or on better equipment.

You do realise that plenty of people who haven’t moved don’t have this mythical village raising a child either?

Two of my female friends have been army wives. They said that far from not getting close enough to form friendships before they move, there was usually a sort of accelerated friendship because people knew it had to happen quickly - and were used to expanding their group or joining new groups.

I come from a military family. Dad , brother (killed in Afghan) uncle's, cousins, all served. Non of us trailed our fathers around the world. That's a choice.

I had a relationship with a man who was in the army. I called it off when I realised I wanted to marry him and ithad become very serious. It broke my heart. Because I did not want to be a training spouse or sat at home waiting for news. After my brother died, I couldn't do it again.

It is a choice. I am a single parent. That wasn't a choice. I didn't choose for my husband of 15 years to rape and beat me. I am lucky I have a decent paid job, which I managed to keep by having minimal maternity leave and staying full time in. I work full time now and use breakfast club and after school club. I don't think I should get free childcare. And non of this was my choice.

You could have stayed in one place and stayed working. You would have 2 wages coming in to pay bills, rather than just my one wage. Yes, you may want to be with your spouse all the time. But, that's the choice you made being fully aware if what it would mean.

I was 22 when I got married. I had never been on an army base, I had never been to Germany, I had never met an army wife. I married DH and moved to Germany, left my good career behind and 3 days later DH went on a 2 month course in the UK so I was alone in a foreign country

Well, in the nicest possible way, OP, you're an idiot. You have chosen to enter and then stay in a situation which has such OBVIOUS and foreseeable downsides, and now you moan that "things should be made easier" for you and the kids you chose to have.

I mean what exactly did you think being married to someone in the forces would be like?? That they are home every night at five thirty to tuck the kids into bed and hear how your day was?

I grew up with a parent in the forces, and I would never, ever get involved with a serviceperson. Not only are they largely absent for large swathes of time (my mum found it hard when her small children missed their dad, but she found it a damn sight harder when we stopped missing him and wanting him around as a form of emotional self-defense) but combat is not good for anyone. And it's weird growing up to know your dad has killed people.

I don't think we should have an army. I don;t think anyone should have an army. And even if we do have one anyway, that doesn't mean anyone has to marry them or have kids with them.

Well, in the nicest possible way, OP, you're an idiot. You have chosen to enter and then stay in a situation which has such OBVIOUS and foreseeable downsides, and now you moan that "things should be made easier" for you and the kids you chose to have.

Can I just make the point that I love my life. I love my husband and I love my kids. I am 100% happy with the choices I have made. It's just getting a little annoying hearing so many people going on about me making these choices. Yes I did, and I'd make them again. It doesn't mean my life is easy! It's far from it a lot of the time!

The NHS is strapped for cash and failing in so many areas yet they recently introduced free yoga classes for staff in some areas. You could say that's a waste of money, or you could say it's an investment that will return more happy, productive staff members. Staff that feel more valued etc.

Just because there are other things the money could be spent on, doesn't mean that no money can be spent on improving morale of troops and their families and in turn, improving retention of soldiers.

Lastly, lots of things are choices. The unhappy marriage, the job you hate, the car you have that breaks down all the time, whether you eat a healthy diet or not. Yet I hear posts on here of people discussing all of these issues they have and being met with compassion. You can CHOOSE just leave your marriage tomorrow. You can CHOOSE to not set foot in your office ever again. You can CHOOSE to use public transport. You can CHOOSE to just eat a healthy diet. But life isn't that simple is it? And I didn't choose to fall in love! But even if it was a choice. I'd make that choice every single time.

Having read the replies I actually think a great solution would be the idea of a centralised crèche (which you pay for) but can accommodate at short notice for long or short term care. I think that would be a fantastic service which would be heavily used and would be a fantastic source of support to the many spouses who are without their partners for long spells. I think my original idea would be too costly and obviously not well received by the general public.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply. It's been a bit of an eye opener 😅

Being an ex military spouse myself, it's a no from me. You answer your own question in the first paragraph... You chose the lifestyle. If it doesn't suit your family, leave for a civilian life.

And I didn't choose to fall in love!

I mean, I suppose you could have not gone on the first date with him. Or the second. Or continued to go out with him until you fell in love. And then decide to get married. There was a previous poster who split up with someone she loved because she didn't want the army life. That was an option. Or I have never accepted the offer of a date from someone in the forces because, y'know, I don't want to go out with someone in the forces.

But it doesn't matter because you're so 100% happy with your choices. The only thing spoiling it is the government's selfish refusal to sponsor more of your childcare. Why don't they care about our country having a bigger army?? There are over a hundred thousand homeless children in the country right now - but what matters is that we maintain an even larger standing army and that their kids get free childcare!! It's important, people! More weapons! More cannon fodder! More PTSD for sixteen year olds!

Actually found the opposite. There's so many wives trained as qualified childminders it's not an issue. Add in cheaper housing accomadation. You can have a career as a military wife. You have to pick the right field that allows you to be adaptable: I know a few supply teachers, pharmacists, doctors.

I trained while my husband was in forces. I left uni and got married BUT I made sure I got good work experience in a field I could move around in and established myself before having children. Dh also realised impact military life has on children and we talked and decided it was time to leave. Life is choices and we all make them.

The problem with people in the Military is they often fixate on how 'bad' they have it (just like your OP) but dont seem to appreciate the benefits.

Your rent is so heavily subsidised...think anything up to £1000 per month depending where you live.... Massive amounts of relocation benefits, extra money for being deployed, maybe some of this would be best used for childcare.

And I say this as ex military. I still live in a military town and it never ceases to amaze me the blinkered view of military families. Every year I know several who come to the end of their time and have done nothing to save or secure for future housing and then are shocked that rent for a 3 bed is now going to cost them £1300

The posts saying that we shouldn’t have a military are a bit odd! Maybe we should get rid of police officers too. And we don’t need border control or fire fighters either. Obvs.

One point I will make is they do it so others don't have to. Imagine national service, losing your sons or husbands to the forces through no choice of their own. I get it's a decision to sign up, but if no one did - what would happen? How safe would all our lives and this county be? I'm not saying they or their family's deserve special treatment, but they certainly don't deserve criticism for it.

There is a welfare budget with a families cmponent.

Some patches do have a subsidised nursery, as do some of the bigger office sites (such as MoD Main)

If you want spending within that budget re-prioritised in your area, you're going to have to pitch for it. This can and has been successful. You need a good level of local support, a building and a business plan with a provider (because it needs sustainability beyond the postings plot)

I would argue we wpuld be safer without the UK military intervention of the last 25 years.

I do understand but the military isn't the only job where you have to move all over the place, my kids had lived in 4 cities by the time they were 8!

A crèche could be established on the base to help families but the bigger issue is emergency childcare assistance when spouses are away - however as everyone is in the same boat, my military friends say everyone helps each other out - in my friends case she is higher ranking than her husband and they never get deployed together by arrangement

Oh my word. Some people on here truly don't listen!

I'm very happy as an army life. We have an amazing family life. It's just difficult to secure a job and hold it down with the fact we've had 5 moves in 7 years and with childcare to factor in. As someone has just said, the military have pots of money specifically for family welfare and I thought this could be used differently to help support the trailing spouse with childcare during the long spells being alone.

I've known of people who have had boob jobs out of the welfare pot - no word of a lie!!

I think a lot of this money isn't used in the best way, that's my personal opinion. I do think the previous posters who suggested a crèche for military families have the right solution.

I'll repeat this for the last time. I am VERY happy with my life and ALL the choices I have made with regards to marrying my DH and moving with him. That doesn't mean I can't look into ways military life could possibly be improved to assist spouses in having a career.

I'm a forces wife. I do think we actually get more than our fair share of help via subsidised nurseries (although they do seem to be heavily oversubscribed). It would be lovely if for those of us who have to use other childcare providers if they could maybe pay the difference in their nursery rates vs rates of other provider. Or just have the capacity to take more children in the first place.

I'd actually prefer they spent the money on actually bothering to maintain properties. I've been waiting four weeks for someone to come and repair my bathroom light

I should say DH has been home a whole 12 hours, so I may forgotten about how annoyed I was about him being away for four months

The subsidised nurseries are oversubscribed because they have to be open to the local community as well as the military community. Ours has a massive waiting list 🙁

With regard to CEA, if you suspect someone is claiming fraudulently, please report it. The Defence budget is stretched enough without people playing the system and getting a lot of money that they actually aren't entitled to.

The Military is underfunded, that's the fault of the Government.

I've got no experience, except some of my friends and neighbours have had Sons and one Daughter killed. I've worked with homeless and addiction charities, so I've met struggling ex soldiers.

I've also got a neighbour who has PTSD, a colleague, who is a psychotherapist left our service to go into the underfunded service for ex service personnel. There were and are still gaps in that system.

It took bodies of research to present the facts about PTSD, to get more services.

It makes sense to support military families, in this way, if needed.

OP, do some research, start the ball rolling if you think its needed. If it's shown not to be, then it'll go nowhere. That might be the case, even if it is needed.

Ex personnel had a higher rate of MH issues and homelessness, poverty etc. Keeping Families together, as they try to do for ex prisoners, can help to prevent some of those issues.

I am in the forces and also a forced wife. To be fair it is navy so we don't move around as much.

I know people who claim CEA (boarding school allowance) who have been told that their next job must be out of area to continue claiming. The rules are getting stricter but i also know someone who ha played it and has received when she probably shouldn't have.

The culture in the navy is slowly changing. A lot of people both senior and junior have 8-830 blocked out on their calendars for the school run/nursery drop , no issue for time off for school events or sickness. I have found it to be incredibly flexible. Husband is now on a ship and I am leaving the navy and I have made it clear to him that he needs to make it clear to his captain that when the ship is alongside , he will be doing his fair share of childcare runs. I will be in a civilian job and won't have as much flex. There has been a general thought that if you are
On a ship you have les flex than an shore job . I am going to make sure for us that that is not the case.if course if he has actually as sea then I can't do anything about that bit when the ship is here then his isnjust as responsible for childcare as I am.

"I've known of people who have had boob jobs out of the welfare pot - no word of a lie!!"

Could that under a similar criteria as given on the NHS?

Sorry for all typos - kids crawling all over me