To think free family/ grandparent childcare should be banned?

[KnightlyMyMan]

This is a topic I keep seeing pop up and I can see both sides so wanted to throw it up for discussion.

Reasons I agree;

• It’s a HUGE and unfair financial advantage for those of us who have unpaid/ free childcare over those who don’t! It’s basically luck of the draw over whether you get to avoid £700-£900 full time nursery fees per child! In every other area of life it seems society is making it less acceptable to discriminate due to family financial status (uni funding - blind interviews) but ‘unpaid internships’ and ‘free childcare’ are two big remaining issues!

• It takes away jobs and is detrimental to the economy. (If all the children currently being looked after by family were in nursery more money would be spent, contributing to the economy, and more staff would be needed, creating jobs.)

But equally, as someone who does have free grandparent childcare lined up - of course I want to save (huge amounts) of cash and I trust my parents implicitly, no one would care for my kids better! Why should I give my children to strangers (even professionally trained ones) or fork out money I don’t need to?

The topic of childcare came up at work the other day and there was a definite ‘bloody alright for some’ attitude from those colleagues paying for childcare. It seems to be a subject that divides people very strongly!

I think....erm.....well I actually really having a fucking clue what to say to you, OP. Maybe set down the 🚬

My best friend has a flat stomach and her legs are three inches longer than mine. I feel this is unfair. Who can I get to sort this out please?

Even if I did agree with such a daft idea.
How exactly would it be policed
You can hardly make it illegal for a child to spend time with their Grandparents, because that's what it boils down to.

Professional childcare workers may provide wonderful care and Education, but they don't love the child at the end of the day. If Grandparentscan and are willing to provide the child care then children are better off with them.
Also by the time childcare is paid out. Its often not worth going out to work for some parents, is it, and Then you'd probably be spitting your dummy out about people leaving their jobs.
You can't have it both ways.

Uh no. You can’t ban something just because you are jealous that someone else has it (see your first point). Absolutely ridiculous.

Not everyone has money for FT nursery. So does that mean they should be forced to pay because it’s “unfair” they have family care lined up? They would see it as unfair that they have to pay for child care when they have another option and are already financially in a bad place.

What about SAHP? Should they be banned too?

I do see what you're saying.
The laws currently try to even out things - so a low wage is topped up with tax credits, a high wage cut down by taxes; a family with a lower income gets free music lessons etc etc etc
And yet free childcare, which yes could save a family £1ks, is not taken in to any consideration.
Fair point.

I'm happy to provide childcare for my grandchild. If it makes life a bit easier for my daughter who is a single parent, then great.

There is no stigma attached to using free childcare. Using paid childcare on the other hand .......

Divvent be daft.

My nursery bill is 2k per month so yes, it kills me a little bit inside to hear people bragging about their unlimited free childcare.

But what you are talking about is rubbish

No one should be able to buy a house! No one should buy a car! No or should be able to eat whatever they want and not put on weight*! No one should be a SAHP! Just because some people can’t have something it doesn’t mean everyone shouldn’t.

*Apart from that one. The bastards.

This thread is born entirely of me reading others complain about how unfaur it is that others have free childcare - and thinking, ‘well yeah I can see that, but what’s your suggestion- do we ban it?’

I should clarify that my ‘banning’ it isn’t a ‘serious’ suggestion. I don’t expect a department of the police to go around banging on grannies doors’ 😂

It’s just everytime I read comments about how unfaur free childcare is I think 🤔 well it is but what do you expect to be done about it?

Unfortunately all I see is one camp saying ‘this is unfair’

There are always people whinging about things being unfair. Life is unfair. Yes, we can try to level out the playing field, to an extent, by giving some financial assistance, benefits, tax credits, funded nursery places, etc. But you can't create a false family to give the support a real family would. You can't give someone qualifications, they have to go out and get them. Some people are smarter, some are taller, some are better looking, etc, etc, etc.

In the end all you can do is suck it up and deal with it.

This is a topic I keep seeing pop up and I can see both sides so wanted to throw it up for discussion.

I don't think I understand what the "sides" are. Are there people who actually think someone shouldn't use grandparent/friend/whoever for childcare if it's available?

@arethereanyleft

YES!!! Exactly what I was trying to say but doing a terrible job!!!

^that

Yes it’s unfair- but no suggestions are ever made about resolving it! Just statements about it being unfair!

In Plato’s Republic, he advocates a regime whereby children aren’t raised by their parent’s, in order to overcome the distortions that arise in society from parent’s flavourings their own children.

I can’t see how any government could enforce your plan OP, grandmas would march on Westminster and disembowel MPs with knitting needles and the grandas would finish off the stragglers with a quick bash with a spade to put ‘em out of their misery.

Some kind of recognition that some people have less access to childcare than others could work.

Life isn't fair. It can't be made fair.

Once you realise this it all makes a lot more sense.

The Government should not be any more involved in people's families than is absolutely strictly necessary.

Fucking Hell.

Favouring not flavouring. Parent’s flavouring their children is a society with a whole different set of problems...

I dont think it's unfair I'm just insanely jealous of them

Would it not make more sense to advocate free/ subsidised childcare for all working parents? I’m not suggesting I agree, just that if you want to even things out, perhaps making the situation easier for parents makes more sense than making it difficult for all?!

It is a valid point that family care is a financial and practical advantage to have. Many employers and schools seem to assume that there is someone avaliable for sick days/ assemblies etc. If there isn't, life can be quite fraught in attempting to cover everything or in what has to be missed out.

It shouldn't be banned though.

I'm a SAHM and give some free care to a friend's child. It is more relaxing for him than his wrap around days. If he's tired, he can chill on the sofa in front of the TV rather than in a cramped, busy room around the ends of the school day. There is less pressure of pick-ups/ drop offs. I've been there as a working parent and it's hard going for all.

Being cared for in a family/ friend's home can be a valuable experience for children.

Grandparents/ family were never an option for us. Too far away. Still working F/T. Too elderly. We knew the score on that years before TTC.

The solution is more flexible childcare and employers.

I do see what you're saying.
The laws currently try to even out things - so a low wage is topped up with tax credits, a high wage cut down by taxes; a family with a lower income gets free music lessons etc etc etc
And yet free childcare, which yes could save a family £1ks, is not taken in to any consideration.
Fair point.

^ this is what I meant - I’ve had very little sleep in the last few days so did a bad job coherently explaining my thoughts 😒

It’s a HUGE and unfair financial advantage for those of us who have unpaid/ free childcare over those who don’t!

There are many unfair advantages in life. DH’s sister was gifted a free house by her husband’s wealthy parents, while we have to pay a mortgage. My ex inherited his parents’ company and walked straight into a well paid management role, while I had to apply for jobs and start from the bottom. My DF won a small amount on the lottery and bought me a car, while others don’t have that advantage. You can’t just pick out one unfair advantage and ban it. Life is unfair, end of discussion.

This is quite a strange thread.

Since we're talking about unrealistic hypothetical situations, surely the more sensible answer is to provide free childcare to those who need it, rather than force people who have it to give it up?

But life isn't fair.

Some people are single parents, some have a network of close friends to provide back up child care, some have high paying jobs, some people suffer ill health, some have children with disabilities ...

There isn't a perfectly level playing field, penalising people with family members able to help with child care won't change that.