To think free family/ grandparent childcare should be banned?

[KnightlyMyMan]

This is a topic I keep seeing pop up and I can see both sides so wanted to throw it up for discussion.

Reasons I agree;

• It’s a HUGE and unfair financial advantage for those of us who have unpaid/ free childcare over those who don’t! It’s basically luck of the draw over whether you get to avoid £700-£900 full time nursery fees per child! In every other area of life it seems society is making it less acceptable to discriminate due to family financial status (uni funding - blind interviews) but ‘unpaid internships’ and ‘free childcare’ are two big remaining issues!
  

• It takes away jobs and is detrimental to the economy. (If all the children currently being looked after by family were in nursery more money would be spent, contributing to the economy, and more staff would be needed, creating jobs.)
  

But equally, as someone who does have free grandparent childcare lined up - of course I want to save (huge amounts) of cash and I trust my parents implicitly, no one would care for my kids better! Why should I give my children to strangers (even professionally trained ones) or fork out money I don’t need to?

The topic of childcare came up at work the other day and there was a definite ‘bloody alright for some’ attitude from those colleagues paying for childcare. It seems to be a subject that divides people very strongly!

[SleepingStandingUp]

I assumed you meant Room 101 it rather than rallying for a law change. People are so uptight.

Anyway, my opinion is meh, life is unfair, tough.

I'm a SAHP beciaae my disabled child's care needs cannot be met by a child minder / nursery as he needs 121 care. I don't earn enough for a Nanny. He spent so much time in hospital I couldn't have worked for the first tow years. We get no meaningful famy support. We're massively financially disadvantaged compared to my friends who could return to work or made a choice not to. We aren't compared to friends who had to give up work for economic reasons.

Unfortinately that's life. You can't force my parents to have him and learn his care needs. You can't force OP to send the kids to nursery.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Ooh OP maybe we tax you for using family and then use it to fund childcare places for other people.

[Hedgehogblues]

It’s interesting to actually consider options though right? Rather than just saying ‘it’s not fair’ - subsidised nursery for working parents- free spaces for those with no help.
Better than nothing

That's completely different from banning extended family childcare

[MissyCooper]

I absolutely hate this obsession with dragging everyone down the way because “some people can’t have it”. Away and mind your own business.

[jessstan2]

No I do not think it should be banned, it's entirely up to the individuals concerned. If full time care is provided by grandparents, they probably deserve payment but some of them wouldn't want it. Part time care and pick ups from school are usually free.

I was a hard up mum many years ago, I had a lovely husband (still do) but we didn't have much in the way of disposable income for a few years. My mum and my in-laws did a lot of child care while we worked and we were extremely grateful. We did treat them sometimes but didn't pay them.

If grandparents offer free childcare, accept it (all things being equal of course that the grands are good people who are able to look after kids). No reason to feel guilty just because some people don't have it, it's not your fault.

I do know a lady who retired about the same time as one of her children had a baby. She looked after the baby when daughter came off mat leave and it was not unreasonable for her to be paid, daughter was earning a decent salary by then and mum wasn't particularly well off. Still cheaper than hiring a nanny.

If and when I have grandkids I am not going to charge for looking after.

[QwertyLou]

Plenty of things are “unfair.” Sometimes people just need to vent or moan about it, and that’s okay.

People are not being U to moan, we all do it! But I think YABU to use their moaning to justify this thread.

[knittedjest]

This is almost as bad an idea as that psychologist who said bedtime stories should be banned because it gave rich kids an advantage. It's a race to the top, not the bottom.

[MilkyCuppa]

You could do something like give priority over free nursery places to parent’s who could prove no living relatives with say 50 miles or similar.

What about people who don’t get on with their parents? Or parents who are too old or disabled to offer childcare, or simply don’t want to? Just because someone has relatives nearby doesn’t mean they have childcare. I have two parents and two PIL within 15 miles, none of whom are capable of offering childcare. There is literally no way to police who has free childcare or not.

[Aneira11]

Such an absurd thread!

[LagunaBubbles]

Life is unfair at times. You can't just ban something because it is "unfair" to some people. Thats mad.

[AhhhhThatsBass]

“£700-£900 full time nursery fees per child!?”

Try £1800 in London.

[AhhhhThatsBass]

And no YABVU. Good luck to those who have familial support. Sometimes it’s the difference between being able to afford to work and not, I imagine.

[MissConductUS]

I think that tall people have an unfair advantage. Studies show they get more and better job offers, they are considered more attractive, etc. it's insidious discrimination. And don't get me started about sports, lightbulb replacement and getting things out of the top of the cabinets.

I think we need to consider financial compensation funded by a height tax or surgical intervention or both.

[Leyani]

Solution is to make paid childcare more affordable. The U.K. is the most expensive country in Europe for childcare for under 5s as there's no state and often no employer contribution.

[Bouledeneige]

Yes lets ban people from helping their famillies. Its really, really unfair! Lets put all children in nurseries and force all parents to work. Lets only let famillies have one child because its not fair that big famillies use more NHS and education services. Lets remove all inherited wealth and make sure everyone gets everything the same - the same house, car, wages,

They should have tried this before! Oh they did. It went really, really well.

Absolutely ludicrous.

[SilverDoe]

Wtf did I just read

[Racecardriver]

OMG you are so right. They should also ban being intelligent because that also gives a huge financial advantage. And work ethic too. So unfair how clever hardworking people earn much more than the rest of us. Can you tell I’m being sarcastic? We don’t have family who can take care of our children but I wouldn’t presume to tell other people what to do.

[Greensleeves]

I thought this was going to be about safeguarding and the risks of unregulated carers.

I was still going to say "bollocks", but with marginally less incredulity.

[MutedUser]

Plus shouldn’t we all just get paid the same wages too then no one at all will have a financial advantage .

[Llioed]

Some people need to mind their own business when it comes to the care of OTHER children. I don’t stick my nose into, nor do I make judgements about how other children are looked after, be it private nursery, childminder, grandparents, SAHP....

I returned to work 3 days per week, and my mum WANTED to look after my daughter two days a week, and my in-laws looked after my daughter one day of the week. As it happens my daughter is now in nursery (pre-school) five mornings a week, so my mum still picks her up from nursery and looks after her those two “Grandma” days and the in-laws pick her up from nursery on “their day” They all love doing it, and my daughter gets to spend quality time with them all.

I can appreciate the viewpoint of “it’s not fair” however that’s not fair toward us who DO have free childcare.

I absolutely second what Ghostandghoulies says. I wish I was mortgage-free, but at the same time I don’t stomp around saying it’s unfair because my DH and I have a couple of friends who are mortgage-free, thanks to help from their parents.

OP - if you ever get anyone criticising your “free childcare” just ignore it. HTH

[reallymate]

How completely ridiculous. This isn't the fault of 2 families on minimum wage with one having family support. How about fully funded childcare from a government that cares about its kids so every family has an equal choice? Instead of attacking those that need it the most because others are even more unfortunate. Extremely odd and very totalitarian. This isn't a dictatorship and I for one am glad it's not. Let's attack the government not each other.

[reallymate]

equal chance (wrong word was used) and I'm a single parent who struggles a lot with childcare and I don't agree with you at all. Taking away help from those who need it the most is not the answer. How did this even come into your head? Seems extremely odd.

[Cornishclio]

There are always people whining about things being unfair. Some families help their offspring with house deposits, some don't or can't. Some people get paid more, have better terms and conditions of employment, some have no buses where they live and have to fork out on cars. Some have families which can and will provide free childcare, some don't or can't. There is no way you can level the playing field for everyone and some people just moan about everything. We look after our granddaughters one day a week and yes it saves our daughter and her husband money as it is one less nursery day but we do it to spend dedicated time with them. She is not the type of person to brag about it though so I can't see why anyone would be offended. No one else's business.

[BeanBagLady]

It is unfair!
To put this right a new Ministry should be established, responsible for banning it.

They should get all babies micro chipped at birth, and all 66 year olds should also be required to be chipped before being allowed to draw state pension.

They would then be able to monitor when children were spending day times in tne company if grandparents.

Any families that break the ban can opt to have either the baby or the grandparent interred in a special detention centre during working hours to prevent this happening.

That would ensure more fairness.

[stopitandtidyupp]

There are a lot of things in life that are unfair though.
Such as the bank of mum and Dad for a mortgage deposit or actually in some cases a mortgage free house. Is this cost of housing taken into account as the main bill and can make people's disposable income higher. No of course it isn't. As a pp said where is the line drawn?