To think free family/ grandparent childcare should be banned?

[KnightlyMyMan]

This is a topic I keep seeing pop up and I can see both sides so wanted to throw it up for discussion.

Reasons I agree;

• It’s a HUGE and unfair financial advantage for those of us who have unpaid/ free childcare over those who don’t! It’s basically luck of the draw over whether you get to avoid £700-£900 full time nursery fees per child! In every other area of life it seems society is making it less acceptable to discriminate due to family financial status (uni funding - blind interviews) but ‘unpaid internships’ and ‘free childcare’ are two big remaining issues!

• It takes away jobs and is detrimental to the economy. (If all the children currently being looked after by family were in nursery more money would be spent, contributing to the economy, and more staff would be needed, creating jobs.)

But equally, as someone who does have free grandparent childcare lined up - of course I want to save (huge amounts) of cash and I trust my parents implicitly, no one would care for my kids better! Why should I give my children to strangers (even professionally trained ones) or fork out money I don’t need to?

The topic of childcare came up at work the other day and there was a definite ‘bloody alright for some’ attitude from those colleagues paying for childcare. It seems to be a subject that divides people very strongly!

And banning children from being looked after by their families is just weird.

My word, how selfish? So because you have to pay so should others? What about the grandparents who love looking after their grandchildren and actually used it as an excuse to retire like mine did?

The question really should be, should we have a child care allowance or extra funding for. Hold care fees .....

Prize for the daftest AIBU thread.

I get it, OP. Maybe an unfortunate use of words to say 'banned,' though.
It's ages since I paid for childcare - I seem to remember the nursery fees we're quite reasonable and my tax credits helped cover a lot of it. But money was tight and I was a single parent.

I would totally agree with a system of subsidised childcare for parents of young children, who want to return to work. Also think that if you prefer a family member to look after your child, and they are willing, that's also fine.

I disagree with the OP, though it has not happened in my family. I treasure the love I had from my grandparents and would not wish to deny that to any child, whether it is de facto unpaid childcare or not.

It's up to the grandparents and parents. Not for anyone else to dictate!

I agree tigertooth!

This thread is ridiculous! My child is looked after by my parents when I work and she gets a fabulous standard of care and builds a good relationship with her family, why should that be banned because some people have to pay for childcare! Why penalise the families who have available support because some don’t!

Fuck's sake, this wins the award for most ridiculous OP.

To follow this suggestion of everyone having to pay, etc, is the same as 'what not all can have, none shall have.' It's equally unfair and silly. Extend to include the sick? The elderly? They get help where an able-bodied person doesn't. Will you shout, 'That's not fair'?

some countries, eg Norway, ... surprise surprise...have less of a gender pay gap

er, wrong!! Scandinavia has a large gender pay gap as, in spite of the good childcare provision etc, people are more entrenched in traditional "gendered" jobs than many other countries with far less decent childcare options. Here's just one of many articles on this:

www.thejournal.ie/gender-equality-countries-stem-girls-3848156-Feb2018

One reason put forward is that where there is less of a welfare state, girls are more motivated to aspire to high-paying jobs. Paradoxically, good welfare provision makes people (women) more likely to feel they can afford to aspire to jobs that aren't particularly lucrative.

Life is not fair. That's just the way it is. Seems stupid to try to make it even my banning something that makes grandparents, parents and children happy.

Re the childcare and all associated grandparental benefits, of which we have a big fat zero, can be moaned about - a good place to do that is MN! - but actually legislating against other people's good luck... I don't think so.

Perhaps rather than ban it, it could be declared as "unearned income" [evil grin] Then we'd be laughing at the 50p mil gave the dcs as holiday spending money and other people would be gnashing at the tax bill levied on the Disneyworld holidays, XBoxes, iPhones, not to mention childcare, bestowed by more generous grandparents...

Birdsgottafly

"The prosecution of two Paramedics LP's who swapped babysitting favours, showed the law up, for its stupidity."

What happened in this case? Do you have a link? Thank you.

I look after my GC while my D goes to work in a nursery. How does that fit with the OP

Life is unfair!! Nothing can change that unfortunately.

Frankly KnightlyMM I don't know if you have the awareness that posing such a question and starting such a thread will not only demonstrate what you might term as "divided opinion" but make you just come across as smug and a bit lacking not just in awareness but in emotional/social or just general intelligence and tack. Sorry but that's just how it seems. I'm with some of the people who have already posted on this thread, it seems ridiculous whilst trying to be constructive and when it and doesn't even need to be inquired about - that it is obvious and apparent to most sensible and reasonably minded unsheltered folks that some of us (me included) didn't have the choice or luck of their own birth or marriage into a supportive family or interested parents. I have three children aged now 19 - 9, all have been through paid childcare whether that be a childminder to begin with and then onto nursery. It was my choice to have them and therefore in my view my responsibility if I choose or in fact as it was needed to work to make sure they were well taken care of even if that meant my having to sacrifice a substantial chunk (if not all of what I earned) and I worked across some years just to keep my professional experience and skills up to date. I'm glad I did as I'd be even more screwed than I was when I had to separate from my children's father 5 and a half years ago. I would have otherwise been out of the professional jobs market, de-skilled and very vulnerable or more vulnerable than I was at the point of separation and now and onwards. So never mind the financial impact, think of the fact that some of us have owned and taken the responsibility and paid and have had to find alternatives to "free" family provided childcare. Whilst there's been a cost I'm proud of what I and my wee family unit have been able to achieve on our own, not just simply because we had to. I think that has given us all extra enabled life skills, social skills for my three and resilience due to the challenges we have headed off and aced between us. Teachers and afterschool care practitioners we interact and work with along with each of our peers; my friends and my oldest twos friends, all admire and comment on what we've been able to build and achieve between us. I've not posted on this site for going on 8 years until now. Your thread motivated me to do so, I don't wanna fuel the seeming playground war and parent top trumps that can happen and I've chosen never to engage with - but posts like yours need to be responded to so you and others alike can hopefully garner some awareness and potentially get the smugness that you seem to radiate without you even seemingly thinking about it. Know when you are in a good place without having to crow about it, even if it will have its challenges and niggles which lots of friends who have family provided childcare have shared with me. I seriously am at a loss that you even had the time of day or thought to post what you did, guessing you were all innocent face about it and still are in your using the overused AIBU # trend from on here. Overall, really, was there any need for this?! Nah.

Wow everyone really put the boot into you. I had to pay £8k a year and be skint for ten years. I’d have appreciated a bit of this kind of discourse about tbh. If it was my Mo-in-law might have twigged at the injustice of how she looked after her daughter’s kids for free but not her son’s. She’s lovely and makes a big point of spending exactly the same on them at Christmas. We wouldn’t want her to feel guilty but I’d like some kind of acknowledgement from my Sister-in-law who treats her like an unpaid servant. Her kids are getting up to Uni age and she is always going on about how lucky they are she’s got ISAs to pay for their accommodation (were in Scotland so fees are still free). Effectively though it’s their Gran who has already paid with all the free childcare. We should be talking about it more in families and society. I feel it’s inportant for appreciating all the unpaid Grandparents do for parents and the grandkids.

Let me guess.... you have no help from family and am extremely bitter

I don't think it should be banned.
I do think some people take the kids though and don't appreciate how hard it is for others.

My mum had a 4 and 6 year old, DPs mum had a 2 and 4 year old. Both very much still in the baby stage.
I got pregnant at 20 and a huge part of making the decision to have my son was about childcare. Both our mum's were willing to help out as they were still working part time with young children. I had my son, my mum looks after him 2 days a week and my DPs mum has him one day a week whilst I work 3 days. I arranged my hours around theirs. They don't charge us for looking after their grandson. We are extremely lucky but actually they'd both be at home with their children anyway because of school runs etc so it worked out really well. Of course we offered to pay but I don't think we'd have been able to afford full time child care. As it happens now he's over a year old we both sort of fell into well paid jobs and could just about afford it now and wouldn't qualify for benefits to get any help.

But I chose to have my son and really thought about how I would manage all these things just like any other parent. I don't think we should be penalised just because someone had a child and had no other option for help? That makes no sense. That all comes with the choice of having a child and all the other logistics.

We paid ours. Not market rate but we called it "DD's expenses" and they seemed to agree.

Frankly OMG your the last person to be questioning anyone’s intelligence. Your post is unintelligible and your writing skills make me believe you were absent for school English lessons.

Ah, the dumbing down argument! If I can't have it, then no-one else should have it either! The world would a thoroughly miserable place if we implemented this.

Frankly OMG your the last person to be questioning anyone’s intelligence. Your post is unintelligible and your writing skills make me believe you were absent for school English lessons.

You must have been absent for the lesson which taught the difference between 'your' and 'you're'.