To think free family/ grandparent childcare should be banned?

[KnightlyMyMan]

This is a topic I keep seeing pop up and I can see both sides so wanted to throw it up for discussion.

Reasons I agree;

• It’s a HUGE and unfair financial advantage for those of us who have unpaid/ free childcare over those who don’t! It’s basically luck of the draw over whether you get to avoid £700-£900 full time nursery fees per child! In every other area of life it seems society is making it less acceptable to discriminate due to family financial status (uni funding - blind interviews) but ‘unpaid internships’ and ‘free childcare’ are two big remaining issues!

• It takes away jobs and is detrimental to the economy. (If all the children currently being looked after by family were in nursery more money would be spent, contributing to the economy, and more staff would be needed, creating jobs.)

But equally, as someone who does have free grandparent childcare lined up - of course I want to save (huge amounts) of cash and I trust my parents implicitly, no one would care for my kids better! Why should I give my children to strangers (even professionally trained ones) or fork out money I don’t need to?

The topic of childcare came up at work the other day and there was a definite ‘bloody alright for some’ attitude from those colleagues paying for childcare. It seems to be a subject that divides people very strongly!

I think posts like this should be banned - they cause conflict and upset to many - we all have to make the most of what we have and live our lives to give the best we can to our loved ones and ourselves.

My husband’s parents are dead. My mother and stepfather have nothing to do with us. My biological father lives 100 miles away and while he seems to have a good relationship with us, he’s only been in our lives for 11 years and spends a grand total of £15 per year on his two grandkids. (My kids). He sends them a fiver for birthdays and ten pound at Christmas. They are now 20 and 16 and it’s been the same for the last 11 years.

As hubs and I have no siblings, our kids have no aunts and uncles.

My son constantly complains that all his friends have the latest designer gear and electronics because they have grandparents buying them great gifts and giving them pocket money. How do I compete with that?? By your argument, I should be asking for a ban on extended family paying for stuff for their nephews/nieces/grandkids.

You are being unreasonable. Family situations are no business of anyone else’s.

Blah blah blah blah daily mail blah

Blah blah blah fuck all to do with the daily mail blah

It’s surely keeping some grandparents ‘employed’/productive (in that they enable 2 parents working) when they would otherwise not be (though some will still be employed). It can also have health benefits running after GCs - my mum lost about 1 stone after starting childcare.

Creates a good bond, decreases loneliness and hopefully the children and GCs will care for GPs when they need it too.

Not allowing gps is like not allowing sahm’s - there is no ‘need’ for 1 parent to stay at home as childminders generally look after more children than in the average family (so are more ‘efficient’).

I don't think that sounds fair. Children don't need to start school so young. Why should childless taxpayers have to subsidise parents to that extent? Having children is a lifestyle choice.

Why is it subsidising parents? It could be that you are subsidising your schooling.

I think fat people should not be allowed to do childcare. Makes about as much sense.

Please do this!! It will mean his fat mermaid cannot look after her own baby merpeeps! Great, I get a rest!

Ban DGPs from looking after their DGCs? You'll need a lot of friends with big bits of wood if you try it with the Little Prince's fan club. We're mostly bikers and rugby players of both genders, and the Northumbrian side have shotguns.

Every family is different.children are better off in a home environment and being looked after by a grandparent can work well.however only if your parents raised you well.I wouldnt have dreamt of leaving my children with my parents.The other issue is whether grandparents want to do this or feel obliged to do it.

If it wasn't for granny, i wouldn't be able to work. We worked out that it would cost 800 a month for childcare and i get paid 900 a month. We would not be able to pay mortgage and would end up back at my mums.

I don't expect them to babysit and if they say no I'm lucky enough to be in a position to rearrange my shifts x

I disagree with some. There are lots of people that get shitty that people get free ‘childcare’. I’ve seen heaps of threads where posters, for example, may ask if their parents should help them more with ‘childcare’ because they do so for their brothers or sisters and I see so many responses along the line of ‘you shouldn’t expect free childcare’ or ‘you should be grateful they are providing you with any time’ etc etc. For starters it’s not childcare if it’s free! It’s family helping out family. It’s like when a parent (mainly dads) ‘babysit’. It’s not babysitting - it’s doing what you do as a parent. Childcare is a vocation that you’re paid to do with required qualifications. Like someone said, family help has been around since the beginning of humans!

If you’re fortunate to have family that look after your children then good for you! The same as if your fortunate to have parents that can afford to help you with a deposit on a house. Grandparents all have different means and values.

I hate hearing the term childcare being referred to as grandparents looking after their grandchildren.

WTF?!!

Yes. I think it's great to punish people for having family help. Not.

If so, shall we punish people who go into a family business? They are helped. Or punish them if they get hand me down clothes for dc? My husband had advanced math degrees so we didn't pay for tutoring bc he did. Against law there too??

I got nothing. No old clothes, no babysitting, i bought second hand furniture but stayed at home, was a school volunteer, and then (bonus) on summers, bc children knew me, would end up watching lonely "nanny sat" children at the pool when i took mine. Oh. And we got free math tutor.

LIFE IS NOT FAIR AND GOVERNMENT NEVER LEVELS ALL THINGS. I hate taxes and laws and constant surveillance ....and the thought that by watching/listening to us, we are safer.

I hope that i didn't completely miss the point.

I only agree with you one little bit and that is when l see a couple of my friends doing the school term day in day out and although they love their dgc dearly they do look so weary when walking up and down to school four times a day and often complain how tying and tiring it is. When l point out they should cut it down if they feel that way as they after all have done their stint of that for years when their DC were young. They always come back with the reply that they 'could nt' really have said no otherwise their son /dd wouldnt be able to work etc. I just hate this emotional blackmail that is laid onto women (usually) of my generation when tbey should be enjoying their time.

I really never knew this was a thing? If you have family to help out great but if not then other options have to be taken. I would love for my DC to be with his family but in my situation they have all passed so don’t have that route

I had no idea there was such a stigma against free childcare?

Sounds like jealousy to me

I'm a single parent no father or relatives on the scene and both my parents are dead. I feel "isn't that lovely" when I see the advantages of extra support in a mother's/family life! I have none and just think they're very lucky!

Where I live full time nursery would cost way more than £900!! Yabvu.

YABU.

And bonkers.

If you only earn £900 a month and it’s costing £900 a month for childcare then more and more people would be forced out of their careers to look after the children. For some people this SAHM option is ideal but not everyone can cope with the isolation of it and the lack of social interaction that comes with a job.

And women having to give up work is bad for the economy. It reduces human capital, this thread seems to be based on the idea that the number of jobs is entirely fixed by demand factors.

They always come back with the reply that they 'could nt' really have said no otherwise their son /dd wouldnt be able to work etc. I just hate this emotional blackmail that is laid onto women (usually) of my generation when tbey should be enjoying their time.

Of course they can say no .

YANBU, we need to modernise the welfare state rather than banning family childcare. Some countries (e.g. Norway) manage to make care for small children cheap, flexible and high quality and, surprise surprise, they also have less of a gender pay gap. More mothers able to remain in their pre-baby careers=more tax revenue. Unfortunately we tend to see state subsidised childcare as a nanny state luxury rather than beneficial to the economy.

Dear God, I can’t believe that some people may think this way!

Great if people get free help with their kids. As long as it’s done willingly and no piss is taken, fair enough. Am envious because I’ve never been able to have that option myself, but I don’t feel ‘wronged’, nor do I feel it’s something that needs to be levelled. It’s one of those things.
I don’t feel that those with more money should subsidise me, either. They earn more money - lucky them, good for them. It doesn’t affect me, so I don’t care.
I don’t believe things need ‘levelling’. There’s a lot of inequality in society, but that’s just how it happens.

This is about as stupid as it gets. You are being very unreasonable and should be ashamed. I'd be surprised to learn that you have any friends. I'm angry with myself for gracing it with a reply.

Really wish I didn't have to pay nursery fees but don't begrudge people who don't have to. Same with anything in life, some people have it easier than others in some ways and harder in others. Paying for nursery is also like paying for an education as well in my opinion.

Life is unfair. Personally, I think minimum wage jobs should be banned and we should all earn as much as Alan Sugar, but what do I know?