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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think free family/ grandparent childcare should be banned?

454 replies

KnightlyMyMan · 12/12/2018 23:41

This is a topic I keep seeing pop up and I can see both sides so wanted to throw it up for discussion.

Reasons I agree;

  • It’s a HUGE and unfair financial advantage for those of us who have unpaid/ free childcare over those who don’t! It’s basically luck of the draw over whether you get to avoid £700-£900 full time nursery fees per child! In every other area of life it seems society is making it less acceptable to discriminate due to family financial status (uni funding - blind interviews) but ‘unpaid internships’ and ‘free childcare’ are two big remaining issues!
  • It takes away jobs and is detrimental to the economy. (If all the children currently being looked after by family were in nursery more money would be spent, contributing to the economy, and more staff would be needed, creating jobs.)

But equally, as someone who does have free grandparent childcare lined up - of course I want to save (huge amounts) of cash and I trust my parents implicitly, no one would care for my kids better! Why should I give my children to strangers (even professionally trained ones) or fork out money I don’t need to?

The topic of childcare came up at work the other day and there was a definite ‘bloody alright for some’ attitude from those colleagues paying for childcare. It seems to be a subject that divides people very strongly!

OP posts:
PeachyPeachTrees · 14/12/2018 18:32

Me and DH have high income and pay (loads) for childcare. My Dsis and her DH are on low incomes and have free childcare from grandparents.
At the end of the month we are still financially better off than them and the grandparents love having their DGD.

FascinatingCarrot · 14/12/2018 18:36

Ive only read the first page.
My fucking word.

littlebobp · 14/12/2018 18:39

YOU NEED TO GET A GRIP CAN YOU BAN ALL THE RICH FROM GETTING BENEFITS ETC CAN YOU BAN ALL COUNCILS FROM RIPPING PEOPLE OFF FOR SEVERLY OVER PRICED COUNCIL TAX NO YOU CANT SO LEAVE FAMILY MEMBERS THAT LOOK AFTERTHEIR GRAND KIDS. AND GET A LIFE

museumum · 14/12/2018 18:43

There is a lot of funny attitude on here about “free childcare” but it’s not a one way street. My MIL looked after my ds one day a week when he was young. It was ENTIRELY because she wanted to. We could easily afford the one more day at nursery and it would have been easier on relationships with my parents if she hadn’t had that “unfair privilege” as they saw it.

Valanice1989 · 14/12/2018 18:47

Also, not everyone wants to put their child in nursery. Some people had bad experiences in nursery as children. It's completely acceptable for parents to want their children to be cared for by family members rather than nursery staff/childminders/nannies. And if they're fortunate enough to have that opportunity thanks to their own parents' kindness, why shouldn't they take it?

satsumagirl · 14/12/2018 19:00

I am too tired to read this utterly bobbins piece of clickbait .

What next, shall we ban Jaffa Cakes?

Frick's sake man.

HauntedPencil · 14/12/2018 19:03

Well I haven't got a Jaffa Cake rn so why should anyone else?

celticprincess · 14/12/2018 19:07

You’d end up with more people unable to work or working only to pay for child care. The only reason I could afford to go back to work was because my mum looked after my daughter. If we had to pay nursery fees it would have not been worth me actually working. On the flip side I’m now a single parent of 2 and receive some tax credits and help towards my childcare meaning that I can afford to work however it’s only worth my while working 2 days as the money I get now would would be cancelled out by any further days at work. Both my children are in school now but I use breakfast and after school club in my work days which is covered by tax credits. My mum can no longer helpnout due to health.

If you only earn £900 a month and it’s costing £900 a month for childcare then more and more people would be forced out of their careers to look after the children. For some people this SAHM option is ideal but not everyone can cope with the isolation of it and the lack of social interaction that comes with a job.

Idontlikecheesecake · 14/12/2018 19:08

(A previous post by OP, i just don’t know how to make it bold) I’m not saying anything should be banned but when you read threads (like I have in the past) where people venomously argue how unfair it is- I’ve always thought - well wtf do you want to happen? Should we ban it?

Im guessing by this that this is not the OP’s actual opinion, but she’s made a rather tongue in cheek/flippant remark to spark responses?

Bobaboutwhat · 14/12/2018 19:11

This debate could be applied to practically anything and everything couldn’t it? It’s a basic topic about luck of the draw. But...wondering if free childcare from other family members should be banned or not...what???
Also, childcare costs have been greatly reduced since the introduction of the 30 funded hours scheme for 3-4 year olds - its a nightmare for childcare providers whilst a household earning just short of £200,000 per annum (poor souls) can benefit from it. Households on a very low income can also benefit from funding for younger children as well.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 14/12/2018 19:13

So forcing parents to use private childcare by using the ‘its not fair on the other parents’ argument ...seems like a Tory manifesto policy dressed up with division creating nonsense.

Valanice1989 · 14/12/2018 19:13

In fairness, Jaffa Cakes probably should be banned. Orange-flavoured chocolate is an abomination.

TheBigFatMermaid · 14/12/2018 19:18

Night work should probably bee banned too... after all, not everyone has a skill that can be transferred to night work and I did years of nights when my children were little, to save on child care costs. I worked 48 hours a week and at the very most I paid for 15 hours of child care.

Whereisthegin1978 · 14/12/2018 19:19

What about parents who give deposits for houses, pay for holidays etc... it would just go on and on.

MRSsqueak · 14/12/2018 19:35

i thought it was going to be a post about how unfair it is on grandparents etc to give up their free time to look after a kid YOU created. i wont be looking after my grandkids full time i have already told my dc's this. i realise this will be an unpopular opinion but i dont think its fair that after bringing up their own dc's grandparents are now practically raising their grandchildren. they have spent their working lives waiting for retirement and now they have to raise their grandchildren..... i think its massively unfair

Dimsumlosesum · 14/12/2018 19:35

To think free family/ grandparent childcare should be banned?

What an utterly ridiculous thing to say.

DutchSparkle · 14/12/2018 19:38

I can see both sides.

Yes it should be banned and keep people like me in a job.

No it shouldn't be banned as people like me can't afford to pay childcare. It would take over half my wages to put my DC in nursery so my SIL looks after them as she is a SAHM.

Yb23487643 · 14/12/2018 19:39

I get what you mean, my parents (1 dead, 1 disabled) cat help & it obviously costs a lot. I see friends with very supportive families who luckily spend a lot on their children & take them on holiday etc. I don’t befrudge them at all, I mean who would? But I get that I does create a massive discrepancy between 2 couples of otherwise equal economic status. Saying that horrendous childcare costs only last a few years really then it kind of evens out. You obvious can’t ban it. Would be good if you had to at least pay your parents minimum wage for their time. But the grandparents offering free care prob wouldn’t want that. I get what you’re saying theoretically but practically non starter.

HepzibahHumbug · 14/12/2018 19:42

Surely a bit of unconditional love is what we all need? We don't need to be paid to look after the people we love.

That said, we DO need equal rights for mothers and fathers from the moment a woman becomes pregnant. If we could properly recognise equal parental responsibilty we can make a huge leap forward.

Then, if grandparents get willingly built into the upbringing deal, we can talk about how to recompense them.

But until mothers and fathers have exactly equal rights and responsibilties we will all, grandparents included, continue to be unequal and potentially exploited.

DiWoo · 14/12/2018 19:49

I have the solution!
If you have kids but don't pay for childcare then you forfeit all your wages to the taxman and all those who are working but don't have kids should pay for the childcare of others.
perfect

JillApple · 14/12/2018 19:52

My husband and I don't have any parents or family and always paid for full time childcare for our two children. We were lucky as our Nursery and After School staff were amazing. Worked great until the children were aged 11+ but there isn't any childcare/after school now they go to secondary school. Too young to be left alone all day at aged 11. We swap shifts and don't have same hols, except 1 week a year altogether, to cover their hols. Thank goodness too for our friends who help with after school and the odd day or two and my lovely old lady next door neighbour who's always said she'll be there in an emergency- they are our support network and have also helped if running late, sickness etc. Every parent needs their support network, whether it comes from family or friends.

SilverDoe · 14/12/2018 19:54

You don’t need to ban people from using free childcare to keep people in a job. Childcare has a huge demand and is the single biggest cost for most parents. Recent studies show that some pay more for childcare than their mortgage or rent (if we didn’t have a SAHP our full time childcare bill would be FAR higher than our rent, more than double).

The truth is it’s a luxury that most don’t have and it should be encouraged as I very young think children do best is as close to a parent - child setting as possible, if the parents need to work.

Just because someone might get paid to do it, does not mean it’s the best job to be outsourced. In this country we place very little value on families having the time, money and resource to look after their own children and I don’t think that’s positive at all.

Alpacanorange · 14/12/2018 19:55

Get a fucking grip... have you not worked it out yet? We are not born equal. Shall we ban the olympics because you won’t win the 100?

RomanyRoots · 14/12/2018 19:58

I'll be looking after my gd, they don't want to use nurseries, the same as I didn't.
They trust me and think gd will be better off with me and 1 to 1 care and preschool education.
How on earth could a gp be banned for caring for their own family member, how would that work?

Boulty · 14/12/2018 19:59

Some people are lucky enough to have relatives who want/are able/are willing to provide childcare whilst parents are working and some aren't.

Some people inherit large estates some never inherit anything

Some people earn more than others/some have higher qualifications/some save/some spend.... the differences go on and on and on...

Perhaps we should like in identical houses earning identical amounts paying identical bills...… we are all different pick one area that a person thinks is 'UNFAIR' but ignore other 'UNFAIR' areas...