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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think free family/ grandparent childcare should be banned?

454 replies

KnightlyMyMan · 12/12/2018 23:41

This is a topic I keep seeing pop up and I can see both sides so wanted to throw it up for discussion.

Reasons I agree;

  • It’s a HUGE and unfair financial advantage for those of us who have unpaid/ free childcare over those who don’t! It’s basically luck of the draw over whether you get to avoid £700-£900 full time nursery fees per child! In every other area of life it seems society is making it less acceptable to discriminate due to family financial status (uni funding - blind interviews) but ‘unpaid internships’ and ‘free childcare’ are two big remaining issues!
  • It takes away jobs and is detrimental to the economy. (If all the children currently being looked after by family were in nursery more money would be spent, contributing to the economy, and more staff would be needed, creating jobs.)

But equally, as someone who does have free grandparent childcare lined up - of course I want to save (huge amounts) of cash and I trust my parents implicitly, no one would care for my kids better! Why should I give my children to strangers (even professionally trained ones) or fork out money I don’t need to?

The topic of childcare came up at work the other day and there was a definite ‘bloody alright for some’ attitude from those colleagues paying for childcare. It seems to be a subject that divides people very strongly!

OP posts:
SilverDoe · 14/12/2018 20:00

Sorry I completely messed up that little middle paragraph Blush

What I mean is childcare provided by family is a luxury that most don’t have, and that really it’s beneficial for very small children to have as much one to one care as possible.

Imissgmichael · 14/12/2018 20:01

No body’s mentioned it but grandparents below state pension are (and other relatives) can boost their state pension by childminding under the ‘ Adult Specified Child Credit’ Scheme.

lily2403 · 14/12/2018 20:02

I don’t think it should be banned, that’s just rudiculous,

I have older children that I had to pay full time childcare for and I now have a late baby, parents happen to be retired now and look after DS 2 days a week which saves us a bit on nursery fees.

Just sounds like jealousy to me, I don’t begrudge people having free child care nor am I smug about people not having that luxury.

People should just mind their own business...In my humble opinion Grin

AnoukSpirit · 14/12/2018 20:10

Um, would it not be slightly more fruitful to discuss how we could restructure things so that prohibitively expensive childcare doesn't exclude people from the workplace despiteleaving the workers in that sector who provide it struggling to make ends meet?

Cos that seems like it might kinda be the real issue...

We created these bullshit structures we could change them if we wanted. It would benefit our economy and society far more if childcare workers could afford to spend more, didn't need additional assistance to manage financially, and were less worried about money. It would also benefit our economy and society if women weren't still disadvantaged by childcare costs and inadequate provision. And if all children had the same access to the same high quality childcare when needed, I'm pretty sure that would benefit them over the course of their lives too.

Investing in our fellow human beings is not a "waste of resources". Basic humanity, "reap what you sow", and all that.

SoftSheen · 14/12/2018 20:11

Life isn't fair, don't expect it to be.

Chocolate50 · 14/12/2018 20:12

Yes it is unfair that some people have free childcare but its also unfair that some people send their children to private school, or that some people get better educations than others or that some parents earn more than others so they can afford childcare without too many issues whilst other parents are sacrifice holidays or the like so they can afford it.

satsumagirl · 14/12/2018 20:17

What about the Jaffa cakes tho

Nanalisa60 · 14/12/2018 20:19

Some of us have just loved looking after our grandchild!! Had to work when my own kids were little and I left them with mother in law. So really enjoyed my granddaughters first five years thow by Friday afternoon worn out!!

shiningstar2 · 14/12/2018 20:26

No law can even this out. If I was a retired grandparent I might volunteer free childcare if this helped my DD or DS work and the family reap the benefits. If they were penalized in some way to even things up with those who didn't have free childcare I would just withdraw my childcare. Why would a retired person give up all the benefits of retirement: rest, interests, travel, a huge sacrifice after a lift time of work, however much GPs love the GC, if there is no benefit in doing this for their family|?

Worriedmummybekind · 14/12/2018 20:32

I don’t have any free childcare.m from family members but it’s totally daft to think you should ban it. All the evidence is that family care is better for young babies especially. We should instead be trying to equalise the playing field.

Personally I think parents should be able to use working tax credits, childcare vouchers etc with friends and family carers who parents accept won’t follow the EYFS or be inspected but must be DBS checked and LA check they are not known to SS.

I’m a stay at home mum currently, a qualified teacher with recent teaching experience. I’m fortunate to be able to choose to care for my babies. If I could be paid but not go through all the crazy ofsted criteria and care for my friend’s baby I’d be happy to. Equally I’m sure there are loads of grandparents who would love to care for their grandchildren but can’t because they need to keep working. If there was more financial support both for mums and dads to drop hours to care for their own children and for friends and family to care then children would be happier, work-life balance would be better and it wouldn’t be such a lottery.

Teacher22 · 14/12/2018 20:33

A very interesting post in that it is the ultimate end point of socialism with which everyone is now imbued from birth, especially via state education.

Someone has an advantage. It is not fair. Let’s hobble anyone who has the advantage until they are as poor as the least able and privileged.

Mao suits, in other words.

Thank you, OP. For renewing my belief in freedom, high standards, aspiration, the best of everything (for every single person who can take advantage of it), difference, truth.

Ariela · 14/12/2018 20:38

Why do you say it is taking away jobs? Most grandparents will have to work to their late 60s, they'd probably have given birth to their children in their mid to late 20s...so would give up working to care for the grandchildren thereby giving up a job for someone else.

Parents today are lucky to have free childcare once they're over 2/3, longer paid maternity leave etc than those that give birth 20-30 years ago.

HepzibahHumbug · 14/12/2018 20:40

Next question: should we be paid for looking after our elderly parents?

I think NO. For the same reason as we aren't paid to look after our own children.

The problem is wit men/women equal rights and equal expectations.

Imissgmichael · 14/12/2018 20:40

Are you saying Worried that family members should be DBS checked to mind children?

ferrier · 14/12/2018 20:41

Shouldn't we be thinking of what's best for the children here? Hmm

pantyclaws · 14/12/2018 20:54

Solution is to make paid childcare more affordable. The U.K. is the most expensive country in Europe for childcare for under 5s as there's no state and often no employer contribution.

This.

The cost of childcare discriminates against women.

Although probably more likely this govt will ban GPs from helping...

Elkilil · 14/12/2018 21:01

This is so silly! Life is unfair.. sometimes we are lucky to have free childcare, others are lucky to win the lotto or have money given to them. Life isn’t fair and we have to make do with what we have and if hopefully give to those less fortunate. Grandchildren bring so much love and joy to grandparents and I can imagine taking that away from them to spend unnecessary money. Not to mention how far you have to book in advance to get daycare in parts of Australia

TheBigFatMermaid · 14/12/2018 21:19

This is so silly! Life is unfair.. sometimes we are lucky to have free childcare, others are lucky to win the lotto or have money given to them. Life isn’t fair and we have to make do with what we have and if hopefully give to those less fortunate.

Yes, 'whoever told you life was fair was lying', to quote a very wise person who said it to me once (I may have been talking to myself)

HepzibahHumbug · 14/12/2018 21:23

What happened to LOVE?

Awittyusernameishardtofind · 14/12/2018 21:25

This post is antagonistic ball bags.

choli · 14/12/2018 21:28

I think fat people should not be allowed to do childcare. Makes about as much sense.

pomers · 14/12/2018 21:33

So how do you propose to ban it? Make it a criminal offfence? Is this serious???

It may not be ‘fair’ but then life isn’t fair.

Whataboutbobbo · 14/12/2018 21:34
Biscuit
HepzibahHumbug · 14/12/2018 21:36

This has turned into a useless thread

Valanice1989 · 14/12/2018 21:38

Instead of banning grand parental care, why not give working families more support? We’re in France, where crèches are available for the children of working parents at very low cost. «School» starts age 2-3yrs, 0830 to 1645 four days a week, free to all. Lunchtime, pre school and after school provision is provided at a very low means tested cost.

The catch? We pay a lot of taxes to provide these services to all: you’ll have seen the gilets jaunes complaining about that recently...

I don't think that sounds fair. Children don't need to start school so young. Why should childless taxpayers have to subsidise parents to that extent? Having children is a lifestyle choice.