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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think the teacher is wanting to see me about what I said on Facebook...

508 replies

TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 09:56

Do I have a leg to stand on?

One of the TA's has been disregarding my 7yo DC's hard work and he missed out on 'extra play' despite doing the work asked of him (I can go into more detail if needed).

This is reading that is done at home and written in a book for school.

The TA was counting the reads, in fact totally ignoring most of them.

I bought it up with her, she tried to explain which made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I played it over in my mind for 2 days and did not understand why they weren't counting all of my sons reads and why he was missing out. Reading doesn't come easy to him, he would rather not do it, it's a battle every day. Yet we do it, we record it, but it's not being ticked off by the TA (some is, some is ignored).

Still not understanding why 50% of it is ignored, I went on to the Facebook class page. It's a closed group of 20-30 parents. A closed and private group.

I posted a picture of his book and asked them to help me make sense of it. I don't understand??
Some other parents couldn't understand either.
I said I was really disappointed in the person who marked it. That I would mark it for them and add up his reads and do their job so they could see in black and white what work he had done. I haven't mentioned any names. It's happened to other kids too and they are missing out on 'extra play' as well despite doing the hard work.

DS has been in tears about this several times.

It wasn't an issue for the first 3 years at school and it wasn't a an issue for the 7 years my other DS was at this school. It's an issue now.

Now they have called me in for a meeting at 3pm - I cant make it today but I'm almost certain this is what it's about.
I think someone has reported me being annoyed with them and posting asking for advice about it on Facebook.

But surely I can ask for advice and express my disappointment (the only negative word I used, I was very careful!) no names mentioned?
I need to know if I've done something wrong here.

I'm still seriously fucked off them them so I held back what I really thought and just saved that information for my husband.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 18:17

I'm talking in general about the constant use of the phrase 'that parent', I find it quite tiresome after a while. That doesn't mean we object to writing in our DDs' reading records or filling forms in. We definitely don't.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 18:19

As I said, I do care about our DDs' education, we've had to push hard for DD1 to get the support she needs. In the OP's case, she clearly cares as well, she's been a bit slapdash with the reading record but from what she's said, they do hear their DS read regularly.

Squidgee · 12/12/2018 18:22

I think I can see whats happening here.

On a Thursday they will do the ticks for the previous weeks reading, so with you not filling it in until sunday, they can only take Thursday/Friday towards that weeks ticks.

You need to be doing it on a Wednesday night really.

I had the same issue with my DD, but I spoke to the Teacher who KNEW we read every night and DD was given permission to sign her own book every morning in school, and then I would just sign it quickly on a Wednesday night to confirm her entries.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 12/12/2018 18:24

from what she's said, they do hear their DS read regularly
The problem is that the teacher has no evidence of that because the parent refuses to record what her DC reads when they read it, i.e. every night.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 12/12/2018 18:49

I lost the will to read the whole thread, but in my class, we check the reading logs each Monday. Everyone who has read MORE than 3 times the previous week (Mon-Mon) gets a star (our reward system). If a parent subsequently wrote entries for that previous week after the Monday, no the star would not be awarded.

whatamessitallis · 12/12/2018 18:52

I think I can see whats happening here.

On a Thursday they will do the ticks for the previous weeks reading, so with you not filling it in until sunday, they can only take Thursday/Friday towards that weeks ticks.

If you read the thread, she's doing it monthly.

The prize they get is awarded on a monthly basis. So she's going back and only ticking certain ones.

It makes no sense.

IntentsAndPorpoises · 12/12/2018 18:53

Teachers have no choice but to put the extra effort in; and plan for it; and record it; and review the impact it's had; and demonstrate progress!

@GoblinsAndGhouls unfortunately not if your child has SEND. My dd's teacher is brilliant, very willing, but lack of time, money and training means she is being totally failed by the school. She has ASD.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 12/12/2018 18:56

My youngest is in KS2 now and although I sign the reading diary each week I don’t listen to her. Both her and dd1 are avid readers and can easily recount a book both to me and their teachers. They’d rather read to themselves than read aloud to me. Their teachers know that they’re competent readers with good comprehension and that’s all that matters.

Thisaintphaedra · 12/12/2018 19:02

U have enough time to ‘do the teachers work for her and add the reads up your self’ but not the time to write them up on a daily basis and avoid your child being upset? That’s what I’d want to know if I was the teacher

Walkingdeadfangirl · 12/12/2018 19:13

I imagine if the teacher only counted the ticks up every month then op would be back filling the record on a monthly basis. And that defeats the whole purpose of trying to get parents reading with their children EVERY night.

VietnameseCrispyFish · 12/12/2018 19:20

Brush off the FB thing if they do raise it - it's a closed group and not open to the public, it's a platform for class parents and not teachers and in fact you were under the impression the contents would be confidential, under GDPR

Oh JennieP77 that’s the funniest thing I’ve read on MN in ages, thanks for the laugh 😂

Whatsallthisaboutthen · 12/12/2018 19:31

Well this has been an entertaining thread!

sailorcherries · 12/12/2018 19:46

I set homework on a Monday and mark it on a Friday, those who have completed it get a point/star.
The next Friday I then mark and reward that week's homework.

If a child doesn't hand their homework in on week 1 but does on week 2 the week 1 homework will not be marked, nor will points be given retrospectively. The only work that counts is the work completed for that week. I've no idea how or why that is so difficult to understand.

MaisyPops · 12/12/2018 20:12

14 pages of sensible replies and baffling arguments from OP.

School say what they want for reading and a reward is given for reading
OP chooses not to do what the school wants but instead writes on a whiteboard instead (but hasn't got time to fill in the journal)
OP's child misses out on the reward
OP takes to social media claiming faux naivety how she 'doesn't understand' and essentially names and shames a member of staff because everyone in the group will know who it is.
OP wonders why school might have an issue with it

What the actual hell?

Maybe I should complain that someone in my form didn't get into the dance trip because their parents didn't return form and money on time. After all it's just not fair.

PollyMycroft · 12/12/2018 20:14

Teacher here. Yanbu at all. Yes deadlines matter but he’s 7 ffs. The TA us behaving in a way that would possibly further discourage a reluctant reading. If there is a problem with the way it is recorded then the teacher or TA could have mentioned it to you. Btw I teach 6th form-I still mark work handed in late-and credit good work.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 20:18

I don't think the OP is coming back, which is hardly surprising. The pile on on this thread has been ridiculous, we're talking about a 7 year old not a child in high school. Curiously, quite a few teachers haven't agreed with the majority view.

Some of you need to seriously wind your necks in. Hmm

ChristmasFlary · 12/12/2018 20:23

Has OP returned with an update or is she trapped at school...

MaisyPops · 12/12/2018 20:24

Lizzie48
Teacher here.
Would I choose to run a reward system like that? No.

Does that make it acceptable for someone to do their own thing and then whine on social media whilst essentially identifying someone and commenting on how they can't do their job? Absolutely not.

The OP has been told by lots of people why they are totally unreasonable and rightly so. Sadly (as is often the case by people who take to social media) common sense goes out the window.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 20:37

No, it's not acceptable to whine on social media about it, I don't agree with that and I've never done it, I'm too private for that in any case.

But I still think the venom on here has been OTT.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 20:44

I think that's the danger with social media, it sucks people in, and they say more than they should. It's actually banned on the parents' page for our school, which is as it should be.

I still don't think she deserved all the vitriol she got, however.

MaisyPops · 12/12/2018 20:48

You're right about social media.
I also think it allows people to feel powerful and smart temporarily like they've scored points when anyone with an ounce of common sense will think they're an idiot who hasn't the capacity to deal with a situation properly. Some of the things I see on social media about local schools make me want to weep.

I think the heated response on this came from the almost unanimous replies of YABU followed by ' but I'm just not'. Usually that's what rubs people up the wrong way, and understandably so.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 12/12/2018 20:52

You should raise your queries with the class teacher if you don’t get joy with the TA.

Posting on social media about school and inviting comments is really poor.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 21:06

I don't see why it needs to lead to personal insults, though, which is what happens on here far too much. It isn't as if the OP is someone we actually know so what does it matter if she doesn't accept what people say? It wasn't as if she was rude or aggressive like some OPs are.

I also think the fact that she is about to give birth should mean that we make some allowances for her. Not that we necessarily agree with her; the comments on social media were uncalled for, and she was deliberately obtuse about the reading record.

But I didn't think she was completely U, it was unfair on her DS to miss the extra playtime.

Coconut0il · 12/12/2018 21:16

I'm a TA. I count up weekly reading every Friday. I only do the week that we're on. The children know their reading diary has to be in the tray on Friday if they want their reading to be marked. That is a class rule and we've had no issues with it. The same as their spelling books have to be in on Thursday for checking. Homework on a Wednesday. I do work in Year 6 though so the children are 10 and 11 and the system was clearly explained at the start of the year.

MissSusanScreams · 12/12/2018 21:25

It was naive and rude to post about a clearly identifiable person on a FB group (the other parents will know who they are).

You humiliated the woman in front of all the parents in the class and behind her back so she couldn’t defend herself. It is cowardly behaviour and you obviously know it or you wouldn’t be so worried about what was to be said in the meeting.

Think for a moment how you would feel in her position.