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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want strangers staying over in my house

254 replies

hoopyloopy2 · 12/12/2018 09:05

DH has invited his old friend & his new partner over to ours between Christmas & New Year. New partner’s teenager is coming too, who we haven’t met. All good with me so far. But DH wants them to stay the night. We don’t have a spare bedroom so this will involve sofa bed + moving one of my 2 dcs out of their rooms. The old friend lives 40 minutes away, so I don’t see why we can’t have a nice time for a few hours without the staying over part. I know it means a lot to DH to spend quality time with his friend. But I don’t want people I don’t know staying in my house and the awkwardness of shuffling people around. I’m not someone who never has anyone to stay, we have family and occasional very close friends overnight a few times a year. But this feels different and I think in our mid 40s we are past that stage of people bunking in together after a boozy night....but DH thinks I am being anti-social & uptight. AIBU?

OP posts:
Butteredghost · 12/12/2018 19:05

I'm with you, OP, I hate people staying over, and I don't stay over myself. If it was a long trip, fine, but 40 minutes is nothing. Yes I'd be happy to spend £50 on a taxi (and have done), I see it as part of the cost of the night and budget accordingly.

Butteredghost · 12/12/2018 19:09

But OP there are two types of people, those that like sleepovers and those that don't, and the two groups can't understand each other at all. A past bf of mine loved sleepovers to the point where if anyone came over he would literally beg them to stay. He couldn't understand why they didn't want to (and were a little freaked out by the begging).

earlybyrd · 12/12/2018 19:13

Totally agree with camaleon
I am staggered at the inhospitable people on here, has made me wonder if these are the types I should be asking for advice on other matters Grin

earlybyrd · 12/12/2018 19:14

I would give up my bed and expect the DC's to

FuzzyCustard · 12/12/2018 19:16

I don't like having people staying over either. It makes me extremely anxious, both beforehand and during the visit. I understand, as PPs have said, that different people have different tolerance levels to this - my DH is far more tolerant than I am. But fortunately he can see how very uncomfortable it makes me feel and is sensitive to my feelings.

However, I really don't get why one of the couple can't lay off the alcohol and drive home. Booze is not compulsory, and fun can be had without it.

Aridane · 12/12/2018 19:20

YABU - poor DH

AuntMarch · 12/12/2018 19:42

I would suck it up and do it for DH.

BUT
Given they only live 40 minutes away, I would be annoyed that DH hadn't arranged his catch up in a pub that's 20ish mins away for both parties, so I could meet the girlfriend in neutral territory and escape if she was awful!

abacucat · 12/12/2018 20:00

Yes I'd be happy to spend £50 on a taxi (and have done), I see it as part of the cost of the night and budget accordingly.
I would not spend this. So just would not drink any alcohol at all so I could drive home.

And I am not surprised that many on MN seem to have few friends when so many are so inhospitable.

CoughLaughFart · 12/12/2018 20:44

Yes I'd be happy to spend £50 on a taxi (and have done), I see it as part of the cost of the night and budget accordingly.

Which is fine if you have it. Not everyone does. Also that could be the fare each way.

Also, an awful lot of people are assuming the guests a) can drive and b) have a car.

BackforGood · 12/12/2018 21:52

I am stunned that people would spend £££ on a taxi that is a 40min drive (and presumably another one to get there as well).
Having read a lot of MN threads over a lot of years I am no longer stunned at the inhospitable attitude of some people.
It is your dh's home too. Letting friends bunk down after they've been round and had a couple of drinks would be normal in my world.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 12/12/2018 21:57

Having read a lot of MN threads over a lot of years I am no longer stunned at the inhospitable attitude of some people.

It really is a bit of an eye opener.

adaline · 12/12/2018 22:16

Yes I'd be happy to spend £50 on a taxi

Good for you, but surely you realise that everyone can afford to spend that kind of money on a night out - and wouldn't they need to get a taxi both ways - so easily £100 just on transport? Then add food (takeaway - easily £30 or more for three adults - presuming the family pay for themselves separately), plus wine or soft drinks, plus maybe some chocolates or something for the hosts - if could easily add up to £200 for the night - way out of range for most people!

DiegoVelazquez · 12/12/2018 23:09

Having read a lot of MN threads over a lot of years I am no longer stunned at the inhospitable attitude of some people.

I know it's a bit of a cliche but I honestly do think unsociable/bitter/angry people are over-represented on mumsnet. I read a lot of opinions on here that would be a serious minority in normal day-to-day life.

AlexaAmbidextra · 12/12/2018 23:50

I don’t have anyone to stay over for whom I don’t have a bedroom. I don’t want people dossing all over my house.

DonaldDucksTowel · 12/12/2018 23:58

I wouldn’t ever kick my children out of their bed so a complete stranger could sleep in it Shock do the dc get any say in who sleeps in their bed at all?!

BackforGood · 12/12/2018 23:59

I agree 100% with that Diego

CoughLaughFart · 13/12/2018 00:43

I wouldn’t ever kick my children out of their bed so a complete stranger could sleep in it Shock do the dc get any say in who sleeps in their bed at all?!

Presumably when they’re in it, yes.

lboogy · 13/12/2018 00:47

Ynbu. I don't like overnight guests unless they are family

jesusishot · 13/12/2018 01:41

I would have no issue with putting up a GF I hadn't met before but would draw the line at being expected to provide free childcare and accommodation for her kid.

I would probably offer to drive them home so they can sleep in their own beds. Failing that, I'd bunk up with one of the DC, give the couple my bed, put stranger child on the sofa and let DH fend for himself.

Weezol · 13/12/2018 02:04

If they live 40 minutes away it is absolutely ridiculous to go to all that faff

I agree - I quite like having people to stay, but not those I've never even met before! OP hasn't met two out of the three guests.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/12/2018 02:43

Well imo a sofa bed and an air bed/chucking a kid out of their own bed = not enough room for overnight guests.

Is this friend someone he used to have all nighters with by any chance? Ex used to try and recreate his youth in this way with certain friends. He soon stopped when he realised that a) I wouldnt be taking a day off work the next day and b) the kids neither knew nor cared that he had had no sleep and a raging hangover and still needed looking after :o

DonkeyHotei · 13/12/2018 06:04

I wouldn't mind at all. I live in a rabbit hutch with two kids sharing a room, but I'd still throw out a sofa bed in the living room and roll out a camping mat for the teen on the living room floor. I find that kind of "camping" atmosphere quite fun, especially in the festive season, but I'm aware I'm probably in a (weird) minority.

SnuggyBuggy · 13/12/2018 06:52

Your bed is your space. I would never force my DC to give theirs up for a stranger.

Roussette · 13/12/2018 06:55

Donkey not sure that you are in the minority. If you are, it is just MNers and not general public because I know no one who is so inhospitable and anti social to not offer as a one off to have someone to stay so that my DH could catch up with an old friend. I would do it for him. I have done in the past. It's so infrequent that I have someone to stay who I don't know very well, but it's not a problem. Diego has nailed it.

Now... if they lived close and taxis were available (they're not really where I live) it would be a different story and admittedly we have room to put people up but views like 'don't my kids have a say in who sleeps in their bed' is a bit odd in my view. It happens rarely, are kids so precious that they can't bunk together up for a rare night to help Mum or Dad?

It won't happen anyway because MNers don't answer doorbells ever! So the couple will just have to turn round and go home Grin

earlybyrd · 13/12/2018 07:23

Too be so unwelcoming and inflexible is a terrible example to set for children, if they are too precious to be inconvenienced occasionally then goodness help them when they grow up, they will find life very hard.

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