to think MIL has ripped the piss?

[taxiforMIL]

Please help me to see straight with this.

My MIL picks my DS up from school on a Monday. DS is in P4 I so this arrangement has been going on for the best part of 3 and a half years since DS started p1. She always walked to to the school to collect him but since Easter she’s had bother with her knee and hasn’t been up to walking the distance to the school.

We offered to send DS to afterschool care but she insisted he came to her so we offered to pay for her to pick him up in a taxi (she doesn’t drive) and bring him back to hers. All seemed ok.

We decided that instead of giving MIL money every week we’d set up an account with the local taxi company and I’d pay the bill monthly. My DH knows the guy who runs the taxi firm so was no bother to set up. We explained to her what we’d done and the account was to cover her journey to and from the school to collect DS.

Anyway, to the main issue. Since April, I’ve been calling monthly to settle the bill and it’s always been roughly the same amount, give or take a few pounds.

I called at the end of Oct to pay the bill and it was higher than usual but I was busy at work at the time and assumed that there had been a delay at school one day or something had happened. Admittedly I forgot to ask DH about it. I called at the end of November to pay the bill and it was even higher again! For instance, say the bill is normally £30 a month, it was £45 in October then £75 in November. I didn’t pay the November bill there and then as the man in the office couldn’t tell me what journeys had been made on the account.

I rang my DH and explained to him about the bills shooting up and he phoned MIL who said she’d been using the account to get out and about and she didn’t think we’d mind a few extra pounds on the bill.

My DH said to her that she’s spent roughly £60 on taxis on an account that she knows was set up solely to collect DS from school.

She is indignant about the whole thing and even used the account again after we’d told her.

WWYD? I’ve told my DH that I want DS to attend
Afterschool care. It’s cheaper than £75 a month 🙈

OP you win the CF award !

I can’t believe so many people think the mil is ok to do this.

if the mil is looking after the child when the parent can and is willing to provide other after school care then this isn’t a money saving or payment situation in my opinion, it’s a get together of the family because they love each other. My mum would never dream of thinking she was entitled to taxis everywhere because she wanted to see her grandson for a couple of hours on a weekday, it’s ridiculous.

My DM does have my kids in the holidays when I work and of course I pay expenses, but if she started adding her weeks shopping in to the mix or something i’d rightly think that was a bit off.

I too thought of the money she’s saved you for the last few years. I suspect the £45 bill was a little tester. I’d pay it. It really depends on how bad her mobility is, how hard up she is etc if I would be really cross,
I hate asking childcare favours, they always end up costing far more than you anticipate as you ‘owe’. I’ve paid proper childcare settings since Ds was 1, much more straightforward. Our breakfast club has waiting lists though. Childcare, particularly wraparound is like gold dust.

What does DC want to do? If DC enjoys spending time with his grandmother and prefers it to after school club, I'd carry on with the arrangement.

If DC wants to go to after school club, then that's a perfectly good reason to change things about.

Given actually how small the fare is each way could your child not get there on their own steam?

Do you ever show gratitude to MIL for her efforts by a small gift every now and then?

I would use this as an opportunity to discuss what support you can offer her as she is clearly struggling getting about. Time to reciprocate.

For all those harping on about 'free childcare' and how ungrateful the OP is you are aware it was Grandma who insisted on her continuing to have her grandson? Which, I'd say, shows that she got plenty out of the time she has with him and was more than happy to have him.

In my world grandparents look after their grandkids because they love them and want to spend time with them; it's as much for them as it is for the parents who are saving a little money (in the OP's case Grandma is saving her £9 a week). Grandparents having time with their grandchildren is a mutually beneficial arrangement and one which the MiL in this case insisted continue, and which the OP facilitated.

And also having an extra £45 to pay out at this time of year might be nothing to some people but how do we know the impact that's had for OP's family?

My parents look after our youngest and collect eldest from school one day a week. We don’t pay them (they wouldn’t take the money and we wouldn’t be allowed anyway, is my understanding). We’ve offered to put youngest in nursery for half the day to make their lives easier but they don’t want us to. They enjoy spending the time and feel grateful for the close relationship they have with their grandchildren as a result.

I can say with certainty that if we’d set up a taxi account as the OP did for the same reasons they would never EVER use it for their own journeys without asking. Never.

Yes the OP’s MIL has done them a favour all these years but that doesn’t mean she can spend their money willy nilly. It just doesn’t.

To clarify our arrangement is one day a week only, like the OP’s.

One or two taxis (October bill) would be fine as long as she told you, £75 is v unreasonable though. It may be she's in financial trouble as well as pain so handle it carefully.

Some of the comments seem very harsh. Perhaps MIL (you don't say how old she is) is having problems relating to the cost/value. If you were explicit about what the account was for her behaviour is inappropriate but have you not thought there could be a reason for this other than her "ripping" you off. What do you pay for the child-care she undertakes by the way?

I suspect she is wanting a little more help or care from her son now she is getting older, and therefore justified this in her head. It was a mistake. I think you should let him sort it out.

Should have mentioned - can your ds not get a taxi on his own - several firms here do after school pick up with dbs checked named drivers, kids go to the office and wait (there's usually 5 or 6 waiting at my daughters old school)

I dont know how anyone can think the MIls behaviour is ok. The child care was offered, its one day a week and its the childs grandmother. Does this justify her just ringing a taxi to wherever whenever and expecting the OP to pay? No shes taking the piss

I think the taxi form is at fault too. You/ your husband set it up with them to collect from school - didn't hey check if it's OK for it to be used by other people than you son and on other journeys?

“What do you pay for the child-care she undertakes by the way?”

My understanding is that you can’t pay members of your family to look after your children.

Op let your husband deal with this and let him pay the difference alone if he can’t.

How does that work if you have joint account and both your incomes goes into one pot?

She's going to keep doing this but I'd have just pre-paid rather than putting him in afterschool club. Don't see why you can't just pre-pay for only the journeys she does and put a stop to her using the account to randomly take taxis.

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/childcare-options/amp#family-or-friends

“A family member doesn’t have to be registered with Ofsted if they’re providing childcare free of charge.

Legally, you can’t use a friend to regularly look after a child under eight for more than two hours a day during normal working hours - unless they’re a registered childminder. This is something to think about if you have a reciprocal childcare arrangement.“

This is really not complicated. MIL has child one day a week. She was finding it difficult because of mobility issues, so OP said child could go to aftercare. MIL insisted she wanted to see child, so OP arranged for a taxi. Nowhere has anyone said that the MIL was forced to have the child every Monday. GP tend to like seeing the GC on a regular basis. If this has been an issue, then clearly the MIL would have brought it up at some point.

So there is no need for MIL to backclaim her fees through the taxi service. If she wanted to use it, then she either needs to pay for it or to ask if she can use it.

It may be that she did not understand that each journey was paid for separately, and thought that the driver was there for her benefit. Not sure how elderly she is.

However, to keep using the taxi service AFTER she was told that it was chargeable, is definitely in CF realms.

How anyone can say that the OP is taking the piss instead of the MIL must be nuts.

If you worked in a charity shop as a volunteer for several years, it does not give you the right to take (steal) items from the shop in lieu of payment ...

Why can't you all discuss it like grown-ups? Mil did wrong, apologises, taxi account just for school runs in future, everyone happy. I get the feeling someone just wants to punish mil. Leave it to dh to do the discussing.

Gosh it must be lovely to have unlimited funds, to say that OP should let her MIL spend as much as she wants of their money because she deserves it, especially this close to Christmas! Or perhaps it’s easier to spend other people’s money... OP’s MIL clearly thought so! If the OP’s MIL was found to have been helping herself to money from OP’s purse, without asking, she would be called a thief! How is this any different?

I imagine if OP’s MIL had called OP or her dh and said ‘would you mind giving me a lift to x/ the shops/ the g.p/ to meet Gladys’ then either op or her dh could say ‘yes of course Mum/ MIL’ or they could say ‘sorry I can’t, I tell you what though, put it on the taxi account’. The point is that it’s their money she is spending and whether they are rich or poor, she should ask first! She could even ask ‘would you mind if I add a few taxi rides onto the account, so that I can get out of the house more often?’ At least the OP/ her dh could then say ‘sorry Mum/ MIL, money is really tight at the moment, feel free to ask for a lift though and we will help you if we can’ or ‘of course you can add those taxis to the account, I will let OP/ DH know, so they don’t get a surprise when the bill comes in’

I think the MIL is out of order. IMO the fact that she chooses to collect the DC from school one day a week is not relevant, she knows that her travel for this is covered so all good.

It’s the abusing the OP’s money for other purposes. Yes, she’s injured herself and struggling to get about but that doesn’t give her the right to have the OP pay for her cabs without even talking about it and just leaving the OP with a bill double the size!

She should have spoken to the OP and her DS and explained her issues.

A lot of the problems I read about on here are just due to poor communication and could be easily sorted just by talking things through!

I think the MIL is the CF and I’d be very cross with her!

If a grandparent had helped me for years and was less mobile I would tolerate this if I could afford it.

If I really couldn't afford it I would have to tell them I can't afford the additional expense.

I wouldn't put my child into after school care for this reason. 1) it's nice for them to have time together 2) he might not like after school care 3) you still may need gran if he is ill.

She shouldn't have assumed, but if she had said "listen I am struggling to get out and about can I use taxi account for shopping each week?" What would you have said?

MIL went about it in the wrong way, but you probably should help her out.

Mil did wrong, apologises,

Except she has no intention of apologising or stopping her usage of the account to get 'out and about' and yy, for some people, an extra £45/month is a habit they simply cannot afford. It must indeed be lovely to face an unknown extra bill every month without worrying about how much it will be.

That said, again, not sure why you can't just say, 'Sorry, we cannot afford to pay for taxis for you so do you want to still do the Monday and we pre-pay the account or shall he just go to afterschool club?' and go from there.

So many people on here are holier than thou !
Of course she is taking the piss and I just can't believe anyone would actually be fine with this in real life. Why should you subsidise her getting out and about. If she has a money problem then she could have asked you nicely rather than just sneakily adding it onto the tab. Because that is what she has done; gone behind your back and used the account for her own benefit, knowing full well thats not what you set the account up for.
Definitely CF

She is indignant about the whole thing and even used the account again after we’d told her

Are people missing this bit? MIL knew they were unhappy and did it again anyway. The discussion was had and this was the result. A polite conversation clearly didn't work.