Anything else sick of doing all the thinking with regards to their husbands?

[Purplehairdontcare]

I know this has been done to death on here but I need to vent.

I work part time, dh works full time. We have 2 dc. On my days off I have a toddler at home with me. I do all school/nursery drop off and pick ups.

As I work part time I fully accept that I'll end up doing more of the housework etc.

However, having 2dc, things don't just stop needing to be done on the days I work and at the weekends. In fact at weekends when everyone is home it very quickly ends up a tip.

I'm fucking sick to the back teeth of being asked "what needs to be done?".

Amongst many other things.

It seems to me that dh is only motivated when something needs to be done that affects him.

His favourite phrase is, ill do it in a minute, before swiftly falling asleep.

DH did always expect me to do things like ring the GP to make an appt - for him
I can just imagine the look on my face if my dp did this.

There is hope! My DH has just told me that he'll get the stamps when he goes out later today.

@madcatladyforever you definitely have the right idea! Single is the way to be

Timeisnotaline I know! Tbh, I didn't mind doing it but then I suddenly did, and now no longer do it. I think one gets into a habit of doing stuff like that because of having kids, so doctors & dentist appts are being made so it seems petty not to do the one for DH. It was when DD was older and DS not at home when I suddenly realised it was daft! He has plenty of time in his day, he's not working full time so there's no excuse.

My husband was a lazy bastard, I left him two years ago.
Funny thing is, as we co-parent he STILL contacts me all the time checking things, time of nativity play, gymnastics show, does DS needs packed lunch each day, what should he make them for dinner, drives me up the wall!
I should probably top enabling him, but I'm worried kids will miss out (e.g. on school lunch / be late for activity etc)

I would probably let my kids miss out once or twice rather than do everything. We missed a parent night at nursery once as I was away with work so I decided that made it not my problem just as dh would if he were the one away. Dh didn’t even register it was on (does the pickups so equal opportunity) and I lost it at him. There is no way I can work full time in a high pressure job and do the admin of having children solo, so I’m starting out as I mean to go in if we are to staymarried. Next parent night he checked times with me and booked me in for a slot :)

It would only take 1 or 2 instances of missing really important things for a change to happen, IF your DH gives a shit. the scary outcome would be if he just didn't care about his kids' dental appointments being missed or whatever.

i think that seeing a mother enable a failure of a father is actually more damaging, long term, to children... than a missed dentist apt or a failure to attend a parents evening... much better to experience that blip of pain in the short term for them, than to see a relationship dynamic where there's such an imbalance (especially those of you doing high pressure stressful long hours yourselves!).

This reminded me of another one - about a both after we split up we had a conversation about him looking after the dd on a particular day. He agreed and I put in my phone calendar.

The day rolled around and I messaged to confirm the time or something - he had forgotten all about it. It was apparently my fault because I should have known he had a bad memory and added him to the calendar invite!

Checking in. I'm 18 years in. I can't say I do everything, DH does do the shopping and pays most of the bills, sorts his own car out (apart from insurance) and takes DCs to activities (although will still ask me what sodding time they are) but I do find I'm pretty much solely responsible for everything else. When it came to buying our house, I think DH's input was coming to the second viewing and signing the contract, oh and handing his details over for the mortgage payments. That was it. Same with every ither admin type stuff. Seems to think cleaning doesn't need doing every week (it needs more tbh but he works full time, me part time and I have a chronic illness). I even had to tell him that a girl with long hair needs to have her hair brushed each morning (he would take DD out without ever brushing her hair), he actually asked me why ffs! He still doesn't know the difference between tights and leggings. He's obviously used the kitchen cleaner because again it's left on the side rather than putting it straight back in the cupboard directly underneath. I am sick of having to be the one who has to keep on top of the tidying. If I don't and just leave it or have been ill, the house very quickly ends up as a shit tip.

When I had a c section, DH's idea of tidying DS's toys was to shive them all from the middle of the front room to the edges. The other night I was talking to the builder in the hallway and DH was stood behind in the kitchen eating, he dropped some crumbs and kicked them to the sides. I just looked at him and said "aren't you going to sweep that up?!" He did, but if I hadn't said anything, he wouldn't have bothered.

Speaking of my builder, one of them had nothing to do one day and he said he noticed some dirt that was bugging him so he used his special cleaner and cleaner the uPVC. He's also cleaned my floors, front and back doors and tidied the cupboard under the stairs! I think my mouth actually dropped open!

Watch Bad Moms 🤗

I find it stressful reading this. This is only alleviated by the fact I dumped my lazy arsed entitled git 7 years ago. The house was then how I wanted it (without him complaining about undone tasks, tough shit, you want it done, you do it with a baby and a toddler in tow). I blame his mother...she believed it was his right to be waited on hand and foot, and so his belief in this continued when we got together.

In 7 years of singledom I have never wanted to replace him. I have two children, I don't need a third man child thank you very much. Some other mug can look after them. Not me.

Kitty yy, DH's favourite phrase is "what have they got tonight?" The same as 7 days ago.

Sounds like you've got it sorted ChanklyBore so win/win for both of you.

I hope women with lazy partners are raising their children to be self sufficient adults? So many threads on here from DiLs complaining about their MiLs treating their sons like the second coming and who did everything for them and in some cases still do.

Nurseries have parents evenings?

Same here edendal. I don't know how people cope.

And OP is if anything being too kind. If you have a toddler with you all day on the days you're not working, you've no more free time than DH. For the most part it makes sense for the person in the house to do things like shoving a load of washing on and meal prep where possible, plus there's a lot of cleaning that has to be done there and then so they don't fall in whatever they've just spilled. but other than that, there is no reason whatsoever for you to be the one responsible for more of the domestic load. And domestic load includes thinking. If you're the one who does most of that, it should be reflected in the distribution of other work. It is in my house.

Nurseries have parents evenings?

yes, and ask that you attend without children
at least some do. Never bothered even asking the reasoning behind it!

My adult son doesn't behave like this, he cooks and cleans and sorts everything out.
His partner has thanked me several times for not raising him to be a man child.

@madcatlady that’s lovely! Although unfortunate she is so aware it’s not the norm. My mil admitted for the first time when visiting this year that she hadn’t perhaps taught them life skills on the domestic front, but they had all found lovely women who taught them (mil has 4 boys & 1 girl)
I really struggled not to say it’s not that simple, your spoiling of him has been the root of all the stresses in our marriage.

I am interested in the evolution of present buying/card writing for your DHs families.

Presumably your husbands did - or didn't - sort this before they met you. I can't imagine you started doing it when you were dating so at what point did you take it on? (and why?)

I have no idea when my ILs birthday are, DH has always sorted all that out and there's no reason for him to involve me.

My DHs mummy has now started reminding him of people's birthdays much to my annoyance so I assume she used to do it.

"I hope women with lazy partners are raising their children to be self sufficient adults? So many threads on here from DiLs complaining about their MiLs treating their sons like the second coming and who did everything for them and in some cases still do."
I'm trying but I'm finding my DS is a lazy sod. I have to keep on at him a lot. His room is a tip and he leaves his shit everywhere. Ok, he's 10 and I have time but there will probably come a day when I'll lose my shit completely and dump nearly all his stuff.

DH occasionally has to go away for work. The house stays cleaner, tidier and there is far less stress all round when he's not here. I actually think I'm done tbh as I'm more relaxed and happier when he's not here.

It's always the mother's fault isn't it - even on MN?

I wasn't suggesting it was the mother's fault but if she's married to a lazy man child, by example he's hardly going to raise his son to be otherwise is he. Thus it's the woman who will be raising their children.

Op I feel your pain .
Both work full time and I have chosen and brought all family friends and secret Santa presents .
Today I asked him to choose wine for his mother he put a bottle in basket and I said are you getting any wine for you and he said yes that's my bottle but don't know what to get Mum 😡
Seriously one job to do and failed at that .
I also wrote and posted all the sodding Christmas cards ... I am a mug