Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

[Idontlikecheesecake]

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

Are people really so stupid that they think they can’t put their phones on mute in case they get an emergency call?

You can put the phone on mute EXCEPT for selected contacts. My phone is on mute 10pm-9am every single night but if DH or DM calls it still rings. Stop being so thick and learn to use your phones instead of blaming other people!

I am very much of the opinion I would not send (or like to receive) a txt in the middle of the night, or too early.

I would think it was rude. However, I have no need for DND or whatever on my phone, since no one I know would ever send me one at that time.

I do not have the wifi turned on though as surely then you would get all sort of alerts, from SM, whatsapp/emails etc.

Bit even for me 7.40 is not too early.

She sounds like a dick. 0740 is fine. I have siblings in Hong Kong and Sydney and friends who work shifts so group chats go off at all times. I just turn the sound off.

As a one off I wouldn’t mind but getting messages that early would bother me because it’s a busy time of day getting out the door.

So if you’re busy you just ignore your phone until you have time to answer? What makes you think you need to reply immediately?

Surely people generally read and respond to messages when they’re not busy? If I get a message in the morning as we’re rushing round trying to get out for school/pre school etc I just read it later when it’s more convenient.

Anyone explained yet how you can have messenger alerts on for some but not for others?
Would be happy if there’s a way. Not all elderly parents communicate by phonecall, some use messenger as do the mums’ groups I’m on where about 20 messages go round about whether it’s no uniform day today etc.

Not read the full thread but if she has a horse surely 07:40 is late for her? Don't horsey people get up around 5am and go sort them out? 😆

Sounds like she's jealous of your news and not a good friend with all of the other moaning you mentioned.

Yes, all my horsey friends are up at 5am to go and do whatever you do with horses, then back there in the evening.

Anyone explained yet how you can have messenger alerts on for some but not for others?

My phone will ignore texts or calls unless I've set them as a "Priority" contact. Most phones do that.

Facebook Messenger just tends to be for Facebook mates for me - not for emergencies. I don't think it will act the same as texts though.

It’s pretty early to send a message, we’re all still fast asleep at that time.
But her reaction was over the top.

Neither of you were being massively more unreasonable than the other.

Hohocabbage on messenger go to the group's or people you don't want to hear notifications from, tap on their name. At the top beside their name is a i in and circle click on it and the first thing in the menu is Notifications, underneath it will say ON click and it will turn to OFF.

My god 7.40, I am up and on my way to work. Not early at all. Also my friends can text me any time about things that’s are important in that moment to them. It’s up to me if I want to read and reply

So she was having a lie-in on a day when she’d normally be up and about if it weren’t for the horse incident? How on Earth were you meant to know that?

If I know I’m planning to sleep in later than usual then I always put my phone on silent! She is ridiculous.

I sent a message to my DD's friend's mum (who I don't really know) at 7am. If she wasn't actually up then she could just read it when she was... these days messaging is acceptable 24/7 IMO. YANBU.

She is a dick

I think that she should think about the people that she is texting and what she is texting before she texts.

My phone (and most others) make a noise for emails - are you suggesting that no-one should email me before 09:00??

Because that wouldn't work would it? I normally have a couple from Amazon overnight telling me stuff is on its way, random newsletters, notifications that someone has PM'd me on an international forum, that I've won that 03:00 Ebay Auction etc. etc.

They don't wake me up because I have a bigger IQ than my phone & it works for me, not the other way round....

Well, you're done with her anyway so whatever we say won't make a difference but FWIW I'd have shelved her long before now over the previous nonsense she's pulled.

Life's too short to get dragged down by that kind of fuckwittery.

Just checked my messages last 2 conversations with school mums were between 7 and 8 am. TBH that's when most people are sorting stuff out before going to work, no?

I don't have phone in bedroom - not sure what this 'in case of emergencies' thing is all about

I don't think it's an issue about how you were meant to know she wanted a lie-in. The simple fact is that people are entitled to lie in occasionally, and 7.40 a.m. for a totally non-urgent message is too early. She may have had good reasons for not being able to put her phone on silent, she may simply have forgotten: none of that makes it acceptable to do something totally unnecessary which has the capacity to disturb her.

I have a WhatsApp group with 2 friends who are mums to toddlers while the rest of us don’t have kids. I frequently wake up to find messages from the two mums chatting back and forth at 6am while the rest of us were still asleep! Never occurred to me to be bothered by it (although I also don’t have sound notifications enabled for group messages and don’t understand why anyone would)

YANBU. She sounds like a selfish ass...Congrats on getting your offer accepted!

I turn my wifi off at night and put phone to silent and ill get any messages when i wake up. Your friend is making a mountain out of a molehill here

Thanks daedric that makes life easier.