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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

512 replies

Idontlikecheesecake · 11/12/2018 16:15

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

OP posts:
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5
MilkyCuppa · 11/12/2018 19:17

YANBU, texting is an asynchronous mode of communication so you can read and reply at any time. That’s what it’s designed for. If she doesn’t want to be disturbed she can switch her phone off or put it on silent. It isn’t your fault that she doesn’t know how to work her phone.

bringbacksideburns · 11/12/2018 19:18

She may have had a point but ruined it by swearing at you and then slagging you off to another friend.

I don't think she likes you much. I'd never bother with her again.

3out · 11/12/2018 19:18

YANBU. 7:42 is a fine time to text. If you’d done a group call, then fair enough, that would be unreasonable, but a text is fine

thelikelylass · 11/12/2018 19:24

That's a perfectly reasonable time to break good or bad news so I think she is a lazy cow and pretending she is unable to to turn her messages off is a way of telling you that you are not important. Get shut, there are nicer mates out there.

KeepingEveryoneSafe · 11/12/2018 19:25

Even my mum who is 70 has her phone on silent from 10pm until 9am allowing only emergency calls through.

ohdearmymistake · 11/12/2018 19:27

I would give her the benefit of doubt, she is most likely in pain and feeling sorry for herself.
Your message probably came to early for her at that moment in time, perhaps if she was feeling better it may have been received differently.

Jealous?????? are people on glue?

OrigamiZoo · 11/12/2018 19:27

I'd be really worried if the horse had kicked her in the head judging by her OTT reaction.

Tonicandginn · 11/12/2018 19:31

It’s 2018 there are zillions of ways to not get disturbed by your phone - turn it off, turn it on silent, turn it on flight mode, put it in a different room. She’s being a moany cow and it sounds like she’s just using it as an excuse to get narky about something. Couldn’t be arsed with friends like that!

bastardkitty · 11/12/2018 19:31

Wasn't this on messenger? So totally different to text. She should learn to use her phone properly and stop being so pathetic.

mydogisthebest · 11/12/2018 19:38

Well even though I am up by about 6.30am I think 7.40 is too earlier to send a text unless it is something urgent.

bastardkitty · 11/12/2018 19:41

It wasn't a text. It was messenger. Don't you understand the difference?

Jeanclaudejackety · 11/12/2018 19:42

Not communicating before 9 or after 9pm is so weird. Do you need 12 hour asleep every night?!

BlueAndWhiteTunica · 11/12/2018 19:47

She overreacted and was rude, but she has an injury and is in pain, so if she's a friend you should cut her some slack and get over it.

You sent a message way too early and that was a bit rude, but you had big news and were excited to share it, so if you're a friend she should cut you some slack and get over it.

Clearly no slack being cut in either direction... Maybe you're not really friends.

Chucky16 · 11/12/2018 19:48

Sorry, but I think 7.40 is a bit early for this type of call. I don’t put my phone on mute in case someone needs to get my touch with me urgently. I would hate to miss a call for help. Any message coming through will wake me up and I would obviously check my phone to see who is messaging, thinking that nobody would be calling at this time unless it was important. I would be pretty pissed off if I had been wakened with your call, so I'm with your friend on this. WHY would you message people when they are either sleeping or busy getting up and hhn6organised? Either way, I would think it pretty thoughless of you to do this, so yes I think YABVU. As for the rest of it, it looks like this is nothing to do with the messaging, just you having a go at your friend. If she’s bugs you this much why haven’t you dumped her before now?

DaedricLordSlayer · 11/12/2018 19:53

YNBU

I'm more surprised at the amount of people who think leaving your phone on or putting your phone on silent are the only answers.

Puplic Service Announcement

Press one of your volume buttons so the volume slide bar appears. There will be a little ^ (pointing down) press it, it will give you more volume slide bars, Media, notifications, system.

Just slide the notifications bar right down. Job done.

Somewhere you can set the phone to only allow certain number to ring or text but I thought I'd keep it simple.

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning
Messaged friends at 0740 this morning
Alaaya · 11/12/2018 19:54

These discussions come up on MN periodically and I'm always bemused by the posters who insist that they can never set their phone to silent and instead insist that no one contact them except between 10 am and 2 pm or something stupid. I've seen people argue that it's rude to send an email late at night.

YANBU. Messages are designed to be ignored if people want. She could log out of messenger, or set her phone to silent or whatever. If she left it on and set to loud, then that's on her.

December2018 · 11/12/2018 19:56

@ohdearmymistake yeah jealous!
And no... I'm not on glue

.... pipe down!

foxtiger · 11/12/2018 19:58

I agree with a lot of people here - if you don't want to hear your mobile in the early morning, switch it off or turn the sound down!

Unfortunately we used to have a landline extension in our bedroom and my dad had a habit of phoning when we were having a lie-in at the weekend (not all the time, but now and again). It was never anything all that urgent, he just wakes up early every day and had forgotten that not everybody does. That phone doesn't work any more and we won't be replacing it. If the phone downstairs rang at the same time it probably wouldn't wake us up, or if it did, at least it would be more gentle and gradual.

E20mom · 11/12/2018 20:02

I think she should put her phone on silent if she doesn't want to hear notifications.,

AcrossthePond55 · 11/12/2018 20:13

I have friends that I know I can safely text at 6 am. I have friends who I know not to text until 9 am. Because they're friends and I know them well enough to know their schedules (barring unforeseen circumstances). But if I'd texted a '6am friend' and she'd replied 'Ooh, bit early here, didn't sleep last night' I'd simply apologize for disturbing her.

It's not always possible to turn your phone off. I have an elderly and ill mother and I need to be contactable at all times.

For people I don't know that well, I never text/call until after 9am.

3luckystars · 11/12/2018 20:17

Its too early to be sending a message.

If someone sent me a message at that time, (even though i have the phone on silent) I would be annoyed with them. It's a stupid time.

My friend rings me late all the time, she knows I am in bed and yet she still does it. Its really annoying.

DaedricLordSlayer · 11/12/2018 20:18

I'm going to just 're post, as people are have not read it.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TURN YOUR PHONE OFF OR PUT IT ON SILENT.

YNBU

I'm more surprised at the amount of people who think leaving your phone on or putting your phone on silent are the only answers.

Puplic Service Announcement

Press one of your volume buttons so the volume slide bar appears. There will be a little ^ (pointing down) press it, it will give you more volume slide bars, Media, notifications, system.

Just slide the notifications bar right down. Job done.

Somewhere you can set the phone to only allow certain number to ring or text but I thought I'd keep it simple.

YOU CAN STILL RECEIVE THAT URGENT PHONE CALL.

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning
Messaged friends at 0740 this morning
LimitIsUp · 11/12/2018 20:19

Perhaps I am old school, but I wouldn't message before 9 am.

That said she overreacted - but then so did you, a quick apology would have defused it

bastardkitty · 11/12/2018 20:19

I think some of you need to get with the 21st century!

RCohle · 11/12/2018 20:22

I think 7.40 is fine to send a message. She should have had her phone on silent if she didn't want to be disturbed.

That said, I would have just quickly apologised to her and diffused the situation. It's not a hill worth dying on. It doesn't sound like you like her much though...