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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

512 replies

Idontlikecheesecake · 11/12/2018 16:15

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

OP posts:
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5
TeenTimesTwo · 11/12/2018 18:35

There is nothing in the OP's text that couldn't wait

True, but why should she have to wait when there is a perfectly good enough method called texting which recipients people who get it can ignore don't need to know about until they want to.

Miscible · 11/12/2018 18:41

Any phone made in the last 5 or so years has settings that allow you to put certain numbers on silent and others not.

Guess what, not everyone has phones made in the last 5 years.

Aridane · 11/12/2018 18:52

If OP had been banging on ‘friend’s’ door / ringing door bell or phoning, then, yes, she would have been unreasonable. But a text, meh

SilverySurfer · 11/12/2018 18:53

I'm in the minority and think YABU. I wouldn't be amused to be texted at that time. Before I'm told I should put my mobile phone on silent, it's a £15 PAYG and doesn't have the option.

For all those saying 07.40 isn't early - maybe you should have added for me since you would obviously be unreasonable to assume you speak for everyone.

I think you owe her an apology,

Forzaitalia · 11/12/2018 18:54

My phone is on my bedside table every night because my mum is in a care home with dementia, and sometimes the care Home calls if she’s had a fall, or if anything happens. It’s never on silent because of this. I do have friends who text me whilst I’m still in bed (5.30am!) but I would never, in a million years, have a go at them, they’re just early risers. I answer them when I get up. Unfortunately your friend doesn’t sound like a friend.

BlueJava · 11/12/2018 18:55

7:40am on a weekday isn't early! If she doesn't want to be disturbed she should put her phone on silent.

UnleashTheBulsara · 11/12/2018 18:55

I don't put my phone on silent because I'd forget I had and wonder why I hadn't heard from anyone for a week Blush I think because your friend was snippy instead of being happy for you, it made it harder for you to be sympathetic to her feeling she'd been disturbed.

She does sound like you're both feeling friction from each other, so time to have a break from each other if possible. Turning down lots of invites then getting snarky at not being invited is irritating to say the least

Remember the first time I had my house offer accepted, it was very exciting. But mine was followed by being gazumped, which took the shine off a bit if I'm honest

Aridane · 11/12/2018 18:55

PS I also would have been delighted for my friend - in fact that would have been my first reaction

ThistleAmore · 11/12/2018 18:55

Unless it's blood or fire, it can wait. Not before 9am, not after 9pm.

Branleuse · 11/12/2018 18:57

I dont put my phone on silent at night in case someone needs me urgently, but if be a bit annoyed to get a non urgent message before around 8.30 during the week or even later at the weekend

ForalltheSaints · 11/12/2018 18:57

I think unless it is about work or school arrangements, 740am is way too early.

Sparklingbrook · 11/12/2018 18:58

Even if your phone is on silent you can still see who called/texted etc so you would know people were trying to get hold of you.

I would imagine in an emergency out of work hours people would call my landline.

MagnificentSevenHeaven · 11/12/2018 18:58

Total non issue to me.

When I wake in the morning I'll see any messages that came in overnight.

They only make a noise if it's kids, parents or staff.

In an emergency my phone'll let any number through if they dial me twice in 3 minutes - it's never happened yet.

She needs to learn how to use her phone;

TrickyKid · 11/12/2018 18:59

Yanbu. She should put her phone on silent when she's in bed.

midsomermurderess · 11/12/2018 18:59

It doesn't sound as if you much like her, from what you say. Maybe there are more permanent ways of you not annoying one another.

Wateringhole · 11/12/2018 19:01

She wouldn't want to be part of my group chats! We've been known to send messages at 3am when doing night feeds. My phone is on do not disturb between 9pm and 7am and WhatsApp chats are permanently muted.

BackforGood · 11/12/2018 19:01

YANBU As so many others have said, she needs to put her phone on silent, and/or turn off her wifi.
That is actually the advantage of texts and other social media messaging over ringing - it is up to you when you look at it.

BruegeITheEIder · 11/12/2018 19:04

Before I'm told I should put my mobile phone on silent, it's a £15 PAYG and doesn't have the option

You could just turn it off while you're asleep though. Amounts to the same thing really.

Steamedbadger · 11/12/2018 19:07

Texts and emails are great because you can send them when it's convenient and people can pick them up when it's convenient. I get messages at all hours and it would drive me nuts if all messages pinged at me. It's perfectly possible to turn off message sounds but leave the ringer on.

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/12/2018 19:08

TeenTimesTwo

The argument is entirely circular.

You think that she should put her phone on silent.
I think that she should think about the people that she is texting and what she is texting before she texts.

and around we go.

GraduationDilemma · 11/12/2018 19:09

My nieces and nephews ping me at all ridiculous hours but I have my phone notifications set to silent other than alarms.

I think she's being unreasonable to be honest, just ignore the message. 740 isn't 2am.

December2018 · 11/12/2018 19:12

I think she sounds like a complete pain in the arse!
I've had txts wayyy earlier than that!.... if I really want a decent lie in I'll turn my phone off... job done!

Ffs! I think some people just fancy an argument to be honest, she's probably a bit jealous by the sounds of things too

Just let it blow over your head OP

digbymacbingley · 11/12/2018 19:13

Congratulations on your move getting nearer. There’s always someone to piss on your parade isnt there. Forget about her, she should have had her phone on silent. (I have only recently realised the down side of messaging someone early. Oh dear).

lily2403 · 11/12/2018 19:13

Your “friend” is a dick

You had great news to tell she should have her phone on silent

Fashionista101 · 11/12/2018 19:17

She's a cockwomble

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