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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

512 replies

Idontlikecheesecake · 11/12/2018 16:15

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

OP posts:
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5
Mia1415 · 12/12/2018 10:54

I text/message and have friends text/ message me from 6am onwards.

I'd object to a phone call before 8am but messages can be ignore/ read/ replied to at someone's leisure.

LimitIsUp · 12/12/2018 10:57

And there to illustrate my point is Diego

DiegoVelazquez · 12/12/2018 10:59

Happy to help :)

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 11:02

I don't think I've been rude at all, but I've said that I don't think the OP was U either, although her response was unnecessary and suggests that they were both looking for a fight.

There have been rude posters on both sides IMO. Including you actually in making that blanket statement. Pot and kettle spring to mind.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 11:03

Or at the very least looking to provoke a rude response so you can say, 'And that proves my point.' Grin

DiegoVelazquez · 12/12/2018 11:06

I honestly thought LimitIsUp was joking, and that I was joining in!

I mean, "pro camp", "anti lobby", "covered themselves in glory", etc. It's essentially just a thread about whether whatsapp messages are meant to be read and responded to immediately or not! Come on.

AlexanderHamilton · 12/12/2018 11:08

I wouldn't be amused at having a text sent through at that time.

explodingkitten · 12/12/2018 11:12

I'm surprised by the amount of people saying they wouldn't put their phones on silent in case of emergencies. Don't you have landlines?

I literally know no one my age or younger who has a landline Confused. I'm 39.

paap1975 · 12/12/2018 11:15

You can send a message whenever you like. If she doesn't want her phone to disturb here, there are multiple settings she can use. 7:40 might be early for her, but it isn't for me. I'm usually at work by that time. I have a friend I regularly exchange messages with at about 6am.

Incidentally, flight mode is better than silent if you are sleeping, as the phone still sends and receives data in silent mode, which has been found to disturb sleep patterns.

onefootinthegrave · 12/12/2018 11:16

I'm so glad i dont know anyone IRL as intrusive as some on here. And obtuse - because i was referring to being on public transport and listening to several commuters phone conversations at once, not peopke talking in general which I thought was pretty obvious. I think its really nice when people strike up conversations with each other (but not outside 9am-9pm) JOKE

EBearhug · 12/12/2018 11:23

Texting is not synchronous technology - while SMS messages do arrive almost instantly in practice, there's no guarantee they will. You could send it at a perfectly reasonable time, and it might not arrive for many hours. If you don’t want to be disturbed by incoming texts, put the phone on silent.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 11:27

I literally know no one my age or younger who has a landline. I'm 39.

I find it bizarre that so many people don't have landlines. How do you contact people in low signal areas? My DSis lives on the Isle of Wight and I literally wouldn't be able to contact her urgently without a landline.

My MIL wouldn't understand at all if we did away with our landline, as she hardly uses her mobile.

Sparklingbrook · 12/12/2018 11:30

I was under the impression we had to have a landline phone as our Sky subscription needs it.
I like to use it if I need to guarantee a crackle free non cuttting off type conversation.

U2HasTheEdge · 12/12/2018 11:31

I have a landline for my internet and I do have a very old home phone. I am 37.

The only person who rings it is my husband's granddad though and the occasional person trying to sell me shit.

explodingkitten · 12/12/2018 11:31

I find it bizarre that so many people don't have landlines. How do you contact people in low signal areas? My DSis lives on the Isle of Wight and I literally wouldn't be able to contact her urgently without a landline.

I live in the Netherlands, I couldn't tell you one area with a low signal, so either they aren't there or I don't know anyone who is ever there.

Sparklingbrook · 12/12/2018 11:32

DB lives in the sticks and the mobile coverage is shocking.

DiegoVelazquez · 12/12/2018 11:34

I find it bizarre that so many people don't have landlines. How do you contact people in low signal areas? My DSis lives on the Isle of Wight and I literally wouldn't be able to contact her urgently without a landline.

I don't know anyone who lives in a low-signal area!

Also, you can call your DSis's landline from your mobile, so only the person in the low-signal area needs the landline, not everyone else.

Same with your MIL. She can use her landline to call your mobiles.

I have free minutes on my mobile contract. Why would I pay for a landline on top of that? Seems pointless.

AlexanderHamilton · 12/12/2018 11:42

Our landline crackled and buzzed so much that we gave up on it after calling BT out umpteen times. We now just use it for the interenet connection.

The only people I know with landlines are my parents generation.

79andnotout · 12/12/2018 11:46

I live in a low signal area and no one I know has a landline. Our mobile phones work through the wifi. If you live in an area with bad mobile coverage and bad wifi then I guess a landline is the only option.

Even my 70 year old parents whatsapp call instead of using landlines.

Those people who only text within certain hours, I'm guessing everyone you have contact with lives in the UK or is in this timezone? My family and friends are spread around the world. I'd never hear from my brothers (canada and thailand), sister (usa) and cousins (australia, canada) if they all stuck to strict hours of contact!

JoyofSticks · 12/12/2018 11:48

The rule is that if one does not wish to be disturbed, one puts one's phone on silent, flight mode or do not disturb mode.

Trillis · 12/12/2018 11:52

Diego, i though that LimitIsUp was joking also, and your response made me smile Smile

Wetwashing00 · 12/12/2018 11:59

Don’t want to be disturbed?
Phone on silent or switched off is best.
Pretty sure you can exclude favourites on do not disturb mode like kids school or your mum etc
also, you don’t have to reply to texts straight away.

It seems not everyone knows this. But that’s their problem

fishonabicycle · 12/12/2018 12:07

That is not early at all! I don't want to hear my phone at night so leave it downstairs, turned off. If she didn't want to be disturbed she should put it elsewhere. She's a dick.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 12/12/2018 12:16

It is a bit early. I am up at that time and I'll message another friend at that time who I know also will be up, but not people who I don't know for certain won't be up. But I think you're friend has overreacted and she she should have been pleased for you.
I've got a friend who works night shifts as a nurse a will message at any time of the night, I find this disrespectful.

Lucked · 12/12/2018 12:19

YANBU

I don’t agree with sending messages at any hour day or night as there will always be people who can’t (or forget) to put their phone on silent. For instance there are nights when I am on-call for work. However 7.40am is not a problem any day of the week.