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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

512 replies

Idontlikecheesecake · 11/12/2018 16:15

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

OP posts:
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5
HeronLanyon · 12/12/2018 07:13

My ma passed away recently. I was really fortunate that the call came from a lovely neighbour of hers (whose number would have been an allowed number for calls during the night) but it could as easily have come from the police officer, undertaker who attended or random number of neighbours on the street etc.
That’s why I think I never used to put phone on silent with only certain numbers allowed. I think terrible news is often from a stranger ??
Hugs all who have care of loved family members or fear calls out of the blue.

Plaiceholder · 12/12/2018 07:14

DF messaged me at 0626 this morning to wish me happy birthday 🤷‍♂️

onefootinthegrave · 12/12/2018 07:38

IamSusan not arrogant, just considerate. And I said 9am-9pm, not 9-5. I think a lot of people would be a lot less stressed if they weren't waiting for, or engaging in pings, notifications and emails 24 hours a day.

masterandmargarita · 12/12/2018 07:39

I close the curtains so that I don't get woken by light in the morning. Similarly I don't have things like phones in my bedroom so I don't get woken by technology.

onefootinthegrave · 12/12/2018 07:54

Heron thank you - that was me this year. I got several calls at 6am about my nan, and I remember the one where she had her last fall that led to her death. It came from the nursing home and they had several lines, so I didn't have the option of putting my phone on silent except for certain known numbers. When the phone went at that time, I always knew it was bad and inbetween it going off and me answering - that feeling was actually terror.

This thread is reminding me of all the inconsiderate arseholes on buses and trains who talk non stop into their phones, and fuck every other passenger. 99% of the conversations are painfully boring or trivial, certainly not emergencies. I bet their response to me would be, use noise cancelling headphones. But why should I? Why should I have to cancel ALL noise because someone's got no consideration for others?

Mobiles are a great invention, but they have made a lot of people very selfish and totally self absorbed.

Steelesauce · 12/12/2018 07:58

Op was on a night shift so 7.40 is fairly acceptable seeing as she'd be getting into bed around 8/8.30 for the day. Bet she won't moan about all the replies binging through. It's a reasonable time as most people are up with kids and work, they'll just pick the message up when they're ready. What a load of drama.

HeronLanyon · 12/12/2018 08:18

onefootinthegrave (there’s a resonant name!) I am sorry. Yes when I saw a text to call I knew it was not good didn’t realise it would be as bad as it was when I spoke to neighbour.
Bizarrely I’m in a stage where I find it kind of comforting that strangers are wittering on about nonsense on phones around me. No doubt I will have days where I have the rage too I guess. Hugs.

lilyheather1 · 12/12/2018 08:20

My friends and I are often messaging from 6amBlush yanbu

MagnificentSevenHeaven · 12/12/2018 08:23

I worked nights for 15 years - would regularly send messages, emails etc. in the wee hours as that was when I finally got round to reading them. For me, someone sending a text at 11:00 in the morning would have been the middle of the night!!

I have no sympathy for people who are too dense to make technology work for them - my phone notifies me when it's convenient for me and at no other time, that's the whole bloody point of it!!

God knows what some of you do when a text comes in & you're driving - do you pull over immediately to read it???? Confused

MamaDane · 12/12/2018 08:25

People often message me during the night but yeah I literally just put the phone on silent, so only my morning alarm will wake me up.

If it's Facebook messenger you can literally mute conversations until a certain time, so you won't get any notifications in that time.

I don't think YABU, I think she is childish who is acting out for no reason. It's your own responsibility that your phone doesn't wake you up unless you want it to.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 08:33

I don't like being disturbed by text messages before say 7am or after 11pm, but I wouldn't bother to complain about it. I'd be happy to hear your news (congratulations, OP!) so I would understand that you're excited.

This friend sounds like she was looking for a fight and you'd have been better off just texting back 'sorry' and saying no more about it. Butt then it sounds like you don't really like each other anyway.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 08:57

The one thing that does annoy me is non urgent telephone calls (whether mobile or landline) before 9am. (The main culprit is my MIL.)

onefootinthegrave · 12/12/2018 09:05

Magnificent I'm not too dense. Just aware that a lot of people might not want to be disturbed with non emergencies before or after a certain time but might not turn their phone off incase of real emergencies. These people don't seem to be on MN, but I'm glad that they're the ones I know in real life!

Heron I've been there too. It is comforting at times to hear other people's general chatter when you feel like you have a massive weight on your shoulders. But it's all the time (in London anyway). And can be so stressful. I remember getting on the bus after visiting my nan in hospital and I counted the 5 nearest people to me were on their phones - none of them quietly. I felt like I was going mad. People can be so selfish!

MagnificentSevenHeaven · 12/12/2018 09:23

Just aware that a lot of people might not want to be disturbed with non emergencies before or after a certain time but might not turn their phone off incase of real emergencies.

That's me & half of the people on this thread though - we've explained it multiple times.

You can set your phone to allow certain contacts to call/text you even when it's on "no disturb".

It's the refusal to use this facet of the technology & to expect others to only communicate around your schedule that strikes me as dense.

masterandmargarita · 12/12/2018 09:27

The only people who would need to contact me in an emergency can use my home phone. No way am I inviting the world into my bedroom via a mobile phone.

fringegrin45 · 12/12/2018 09:37

Regardless of whether or not you should respect some arbitrary time limit or she should have her phone/chats on mute, I don't think 740 is early on a weekday

IchWill · 12/12/2018 09:38

YANBU. It wasn't 5am and if she wanted a lie in, I'm sure ahe's dexterous enough to set her phone to silent.

That said, I'm a snappy bitch of woken up before my alarm. 😂

TheBubGrower · 12/12/2018 09:39

God people on here now are complaining about people TALKING. IN PUBLIC. Heaven forbid! If people are allowed to have conversations amongst each other on the bus/ train, why not on the phone? People have busy lives and might only get chance to keep in touch with each other during their commute. I often call my Dad, who I speak to only every so often, whilst travelling from work (I drive though, not that this matters). I don't see how someone being on the phone is any more inconsiderate than someone chatting to the person next to them. Or is that not allowed too??!

I'm surprised by the amount of people saying they wouldn't put their phones on silent in case of emergencies. Don't you have landlines? All the people who would need to contact me in an emergency have my landline so I know if they couldn't reach me on my mobile they'd use that. My OH was in hospital recently but i just turned all my app notifications off except for text messages and told him to use that (I'm in android and it's really simple to do that in your settings). I knew nobody else would be trying to call me until i got up anyway. There are simple ways around these things.

It's nonsense and madness to say a text or email at certain times is intrusive or rude. It's the modern equivalent of a letter, telegram or carrier pigeon! The postman often delivers post at silly o clock, do you tell him he's being rude?? I suspect that these people complaining are just generally uptight and self important enough to think other people should constantly be self monitoring themselves around them in case they cause offence, and just like to clutch pearls.

Lizzie48 · 12/12/2018 09:44

@TheBubGrower

I've been surprised on MN at how many people don't have a landline and don't know anyone has them anymore. I personally know very few people in RL who don't have a landline, however.

DiegoVelazquez · 12/12/2018 10:09

I suspect that these people complaining are just generally uptight

Basically.

I have my phone set to ring, but not to make sounds for messages and emails. Because I can check the latter whenever I want by simply looking at my phone. If somebody texts me at 4am, that's fine. In the event of an emergency, they'd call and that would wake me up.

Simple!

DiegoVelazquez · 12/12/2018 10:11

I personally know very few people in RL who don't have a landline, however

I don't have one, but similarly I don't think I know anyone IRL who doesn't know how to mute a whatsapp group. Even my 70 year old parents manage it.

staydazzling · 12/12/2018 10:19

people message me all sorts of time i message bk when i cba, a total non issue shes an idiot OP!

MagnificentSevenHeaven · 12/12/2018 10:21

I don't have one, but similarly I don't think I know anyone IRL who doesn't know how to mute a whatsapp group. Even my 70 year old parents manage it.

Me neither, I recently ditched the Landline & TV from my Virgin package & now, on broadband only, am saving £36 a month.

I get unlimited texts, 1000 minutes of calls, 18Gb of data, the rest of the family have similar - why the hell would I want a landline that only gets PPI calls??

And for those getting "emergency" notifications from WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger, I'll suggest they're not actual emergencies if the people aren't important enough to know your phone number....

LimitIsUp · 12/12/2018 10:33

I don't think the 'pro' camp, who support sending texts 24:7, have covered themselves in glory here. They have insulted, belittled and ridiculed the anti lobby (revealing their true colours).

DiegoVelazquez · 12/12/2018 10:51

I don't think the 'pro' camp, who support sending texts 24:7, have covered themselves in glory here. They have insulted, belittled and ridiculed the anti lobby (revealing their true colours).

Lol. But the IMexiteers were lied to! Swearing and shouting at your friends for sending you an instant message at 7.40am will not save you 300 million a week!

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