Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

[Idontlikecheesecake]

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

Alaaya

As you seem concerned about facebook, whose responsibility would it be to turn off all of those game notifications that people got spammed with?

@Usernumbers1234 - if you have an iPhone you can put it on do not disturb which silences all calls and messages , and select the people (your parents) who you want the phone to ring on loud for. Your system sounds like it works well but just sharing in case you're a technophobe like me - who only discovered this fact a few weeks ago lol x

I have nothing to add to this thread other than the observation that all these inventions that have been designed to help us communicate better, have in fact done the exact opposite.

Irony.

Also OP YANBU I have friends living in other countries who message me all times of day due to time diff.... i turn my phone off at night so as to not be disturbed and wouldn't expect them to not message me!!

I sometimes get in from work well after 1am so I always put my phone on silent as on the morning after I don't get up until 9am and it does piss me off if someone disturbs me with some drivel.
DD is a big girl and gets herself up for work.
DH knows only to text me if he's been kidnapped.

I have international family so my phone receives messages 24 hours a day. Sometimes I forget to put it on silent but I am rarely woken up by it. Your friend is being silly - she should have her phone on silent.

I would never expect my friends to know what days I am up early, when I am doing a night shift and what days I am doing a late shift or not at work.

Not everyone has a 9-5 job so it is impossible to know all of my friend's and familie's schedule and what time they might be up S. I can be awake any time between 5.30am- 11.00am so if I had a preference to when I wanted to be messaged it would vary day by day.

It is my responsibility to set my phone so I am not disturbed, instead of expecting others to remember my work routine and preferences.

Maybe I should message everyone and make a spreadsheet.

Thistleamore - absolutely! Too much oversharing and an obsession with documenting every facet of our lives as it happens.

@LimitIsUp, thank you.

I think we're just getting increasingly removed from 'normal' personal and social boundaries (and I'm only in my late 30s, so technically a digital native).

This thread has blown. my. mind! It never even occurred to me that there is a ‘between this time and that’ to send texts or WhatsApps The whole POINT of texts is that you reply when you are able to / want to surely?! How can you possibly know all the rules of everyone’s acceptable texting particulars?! Do you have a spreadsheet?!! ‘Julie:9-8.30, Mavis: works shifts, every other Tue-Thur no daytime texts, Dave: not before 10am’ etc. It’s not like PHONING . If you don’t want your phone pinging, put it on silent or DND surely?

And just when I’m thinking the op’s friend is a weird fish - someone pops up with ‘well I’d be a bit annoyed because that’s the time I’m busy getting ready’. But, but, but...oh god I’m glad I’m only friends with normal smartphone users that respond at their own convenience. Do the no no not at that timers realise YOU DON’T NEED TO READ OR RESPOND IMMEDIATELY?!

Honestly, I’m really shocked by some responses on this thread. Reminds me of my grandfather glaring at the ringing landline at 8.02pm muttering ‘who’s that calling at this time?’.

Baffled I tell ya

You don’t have to be ‘always on’. When you’re not on - you turn yer feckin phone off surely?!

I have a family member who doesn't sleep well so often naps in the day. She will still tell me if my call or message has disturbed her but in a way that says it's my fault.

I am in a Facebook group and they start messaging a 6am some data! Plus my phone is linked to my fit bit so no only does my phone vibrate but so does my wrist 😂 I would t dream of asking them to message only between certain times though!

Sorry BoneyBack, I menat 'you' in the sense of 'one should' / 'a person should', not 'you' personally.
I have RTFT

but one of the main problems with social media is that it means that some people believe that everything that they say, think or do is worth knowing. When the truth is that they are just not that important.

So, if the recipient doesn't think it is important she instantly hears the news when her friend is excited about something, that is exactly the reason she doesn't need her wi fi on when she is sleeping, so she doesn't get disturbed by notifications but can hear her phone if she doesn't have a landline and is responsible for receiving calls in the night for all her next of kin.

Get over the triviality of your own lives. Unless, as I have previously stated, there is blood or fire, NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW EVERYTHING at 7.40am (and I say that as somebody who is addicted to their phone to a ridiculous extent - FFS, it's 11.30pm here). Wait until a normal time of day and then crack on.

We need to get away from this 'always on' mindset. 9am-9pm used to be considered acceptable, I don't see why that's a problem now.

But we have. That is the advantage of texts, e-mails, Whatsapp groups, messenger groups etc. I can send information I want to share / questions I want to ask etc at a time that suits me and they can be answered / responded to by the other person / people at a time that suits them. I often don't sit down at my laptop until gone 10 at night. Back in the days before all this electronic communication, I couldn't phone people at that time of night as a call is intrusive, and back in the day people didn't unplug land lines, and they would be woken or disturbed. Thanks to all the options we have available now, it is much better in that I can answer things people asked me earlier in the day or I can 'talk to' someone who might be a really early riser, or to someone who might be available during the day when I am at work or whatever, and we can communicate without ever being available at the same time. Great improvement unless you are a person who hasn't realise your phone should work for you and not intrude upon what else you might be doing. The responsibility for that is with the recipient.

It's like complaining you get work calls or work e-mails at the weekend or in the evenings on your work phone. It is down to you, for having the phone turned on when you aren't at work or on call. It is a choice you make.

OP if you are ever coming back I don’t understand what you mean by group chat.

My messenger and WhatsApp are on silent a text to my phone isn’t. What did you send?

Why is it so hard to understand that those that I message/talk to are the ones that I am aware of what they do?

Well that's great for you but you asked why we wouldn't remember our friend's preferences. I am in a group chat with people from uni, all in very different jobs, working all sorts of shifts with likely very different preferences. Why on earth would I remember them all on top of the other people I might message quite regularly?

Anyone saying "I don't care about your house news, especially at 7.40 a.m." presumably just doesn't have particularly close friends.

My best friends and I have a whatsapp group and we talk every day. We live in 3 different countries and have differing working hours, etc., so messages can come in at literally any hour, and we talk about all kinds of nonsense so we'd definitely mention selling our house!

No wonder the horse kicked her with that crappy attitude....

I’m desperately curious about the ‘kicked by a horse’ backstory. Is it too late to text to find out?!

The world is divided into two sorts of people: those who think other people care about their jobs/children/houses, and everybody else

I don't really get this. It's a whatsapp group among friends, not social media. Why would my friend NOT tell me? And why would they feel they couldn't send the message at 7.40am? It's not like they're banging my door down! It's a whatsapp message. I'll read it and respond whenever I have time, as will everyone else in our group.

The world is divided into two sorts of people: those who think other people care about their jobs/children/houses, and everybody else.

Actually, my friends and I actually care about each other and key things in their lives like, you know, their children, house purchases etc

Yeah I like hearing about my friends too.

Actually, my friends and I actually care about each other and key things in their lives like, you know, their children, house purchases etc

Yeah, it's crazy isn't it?

I don't even have facebook or twitter or instagram or anything like that, but I do have whatsapp and I love keeping in touch with my best friends from school! For inane day-to-day chat and updates on their lives in general!

actually, I'm a terrific friend; I just don't expect people to message me with the minutiae of their lives at stupid o' clock in the morning

Lol - like a house purchase is minutiae and 7.40am is stupid o’clock

@BruegelThe Elder and I suppose that's maybe where we'll have to agree to disagree (perhaps this might be a meta-thread thing, too).

I mostly like most people, most of the time - I'm actually quite enthusiastic about a lot of them - but maybe I just don't need to know right now and it could wait until we're in the pub or having dinner or something.

As this thread evidences, lots of other people do like to know right away, but I'm not necessarily one of them, so, y'know, maybe I'm wrong and you're all right.

Fortunately, I work in IT and am quite savvy when it comes to turning notifications off.

I have all WhatsApp group notifications switched to mute, you see the notification but it doesn't ping. I have a disk group with some colleagues and that goes crazily early in the morning and one with friends who don't have children and that goes off late at night. It sounds like she's feeling sorry for herself and you got the brunt of it. YANBU