Messaged friends at 0740 this morning

[Idontlikecheesecake]

We’re moving house and had an offer accepted yesterday so im very excited. I was looking through my phone when i woke up this morning and thought id told my friends in a group chat, but i hadnt so i sent them a message. It was 0740, a time when most people are getting up/already up getting ready for work or getting kids ready for school etc so I thought it was ok.

Only one friend had seen it and she sent me a message saying ‘couldnt you have sent this a bit later when we’re more awake?’ I joked that im on the night shift tonight so i could send a message at 3am, and then she actually had a go at me over messenger (she even swore) saying how she got kicked in the leg by a horse and wanted to have a lie in and it wasn’t the right time for her phone to be pinging all the time.

I just said I wasn’t to know she’d been injured, it was a reasonable time as lots of people are getting ready for work etc, and if she didnt want to be disturbed she shpuld have her phone on silent or whatever. To which she replied she doesn’t normally get messages at that time so why should she? She then removed herself from the group and sent a mutual friend a messaged saying i had annoyed her.

It just feels like a really petty and childish argument. To me it feels like she’s dictating to everyone else when we should be sending messages and shes speaking for them about what a reasonable time should be. And im annoyed that she had a go at me over something so petty

Its also not just this argument. Shes blamed me for stuff before. Like just after Christmas we were all going round a friends house for takeaway and she wanted to go put for a meal, and she didnt want to come because i had upset her. All i did was explain to her that we cant really afford to go out for a meal and a takeaway is easier because of childcare etc

She also often declines invites to do things or cancels at the last minute wih some crappy excus. And then when we don’t invite her, she’ll write a passive aggressive message like ‘gee thanks for the invite’

Shes a fairweather friend and im done with her. AIBU? Ive been fed up for a while but feel like this is the last straw

For goodness sake, why doesn't she just turn her phone off at night like a normal person!

It is rude to use a landline out of office hours, and it's quite intrusive to disturb people in their own home, unless you are really close, or pretty sure you won't bother them. Social media messages and so on are designed to be sent at convenient time for the sender, and read at a convenient time for the receiver. I am not sure there's really a rule, but once you have been awoken by random work emails in the middle of the night once or twice, you learn to leave your phone on silent. Easy.

She’s being a dick. Hope the horse doesn’t kick her in the other leg

December2018

I've read and re-read the op and no where do I get jealous.

Oh and no I wont pipe down, I don't need my volume altering thanks

Its hardly uncommon to keep your phone on in case of emergency. You have a housefire, or burglary and you dont want to wait 5 mins for your phone to charge up, singing its song.
Whatever the hours you keep are, I think if its something like after 9 or 10, and they were still asleep - Not your fault, but before 8 ffs, if you wake someone up, you definitely say sorry, not joke that you could have called them at 3am haha. Its cool about your house etc, but honestly, noone needs to be woken up or have their early morning disturbed for that

I'm just bemused by the number of PPs calling the complainer 'precious' for not wanting to be informed of the MOMENTOUS NEWS of the OP doing something reasonably normal at tooth-brushing time.

Seriously, who the f*ck cares? The house is still going to be there at 11am, surely.

The world is divided into two sorts of people: those who think other people care about their jobs/children/houses, and everybody else.

The world is divided into two sorts of people: those who think other people care about their jobs/children/houses, and everybody else.

you must be such a great friend!

The news in question is completely irrelevant, the point is about not wanting to be disturbed. It's 11pm, and I have just sent 2 email reply to school, 1 reply to a birthday party invitation, and some replies to whatsapp group I forgot about. I wouldn't ring the doorbell of the school secretary's house at this time, or ring my friend's landline, but emails and messages are designed to be muted and silent when not convenient so I can write now without worrying about disturbing anyone.

If we are switching to facebook, why would I message someone that I don't know?

Well, quite. So back to my original question. You really know the day routine of everyone you know, including wake up times, which days they work, if they have a day off, when their baby naps, when they nap, when they go to bed etc?

I don't think it matters hugely. I juat find it a peculiar expectation as I have no idea at all about those things for most of my friends, and would be a bit weirded out by one of my old school friends, for example, saying "Well I know you sleep late on Wednesdays as that's your day off but are up at 6.45 am on Friday" and would wonder if they had got a spy camera in my bathroom or something. But again, clearly hugely different social expectations.

I guess this is one of these weird divides where one side views people who message any time other than during working hours as rude and the other side view people who get terribly shirty about this as a bit self absorbed

The former are people who don’t know how to work their phones, so think everyone should be aware of them and their schedules, to save them having to make the effort to figure out how to set their phone on silent but still allow emergency calls.

Why should I put my phone on silent when I would like to be available for important/urgent calls and texts? I was getting texts from some people at 6 am re things that just could wait!

And I kind of miss the consideration which would go with calling people on their home phones. You would consider if they might be in bed/tired/eating.

You can do both. Put your phone on silent but still allow important/urgent calls and texts to come through. It’s nobody’s fault but your own if you don’t know how to do that.

Don't be ridiculous BoneyBack
I don't expect people to know my schedule / daily routine, even when I am following a routine. When I go outside of that routine (eg, in this case, having an unusual lie in due to an injury) then it makes it even more ridiculous to expect people to somehow guess that by ESP or something. If you don't want to be disturbed take ANY ONE of the options people have suggested so you don't get messages on any of your social media whilst you are sleeping.
The OP didn't go round and hammer on her door. The OP didn't make a phone call. She put her news in a group chat which the recipient could access at whatever time she was ready to.

I'm with you milky

Thats what the DND setting is for.

you can silence group chats until you turn them back on again.
I do it all the time (then usually never switch them back on and complain that i don't get invited to things )

Alaaya

Why is it so hard to understand that those that I message/talk to are the ones that I am aware of what they do?

Do you take no interest in what they post?

You really know the day routine of everyone you know, including wake up times, which days they work, if they have a day off, when their baby naps, when they nap, when they go to bed etc?

No, I expect people to take responsibility and put their phone on silent or DND if they are sleeping, the baby is napping etc.

I’ve spent years not trusting silent setting to allow important nighttime calls - only from elderly parents or partner so have sometimes been bothered by notifications. Wonder if a bit like driver settings there is a simple day/night setting which would remember your preferred settings (oh god there probably is) It’ such a pain every morning/night to change them. I just don’t bother. Accept I’ll sometimes be disturbed by pings. Searching settings now.

BoneyBackJefferson - yes, I guess my friends just post about different things. I'm pretty up to date with their house purchases.

BackforGood

Good to see that you are taking this to extremes, Alaaya has already changed the narrative to suit her needs.

If you don't want to be disturbed take ANY ONE of the options people have suggested so you don't get messages on any of your social media whilst you are sleeping.

If you RTFT you will see that I have already listed what I do.

but one of the main problems with social media is that it means that some people believe that everything that they say, think or do is worth knowing. When the truth is that they are just not that important.

Do not disturb can turn off vibrations, too. And you can set rules so aunty Hilda can contact you if your mum has a fall in the middle of the night or your ds can ring you at 3am if stranded but not text you nonsense.

A phone could bring up any kind of notification or someone could spam you at any time, that's why you put it on silent when you go to bed. Texts and emails are for whenever. It's calls that have time restrictions imo!

"It is rude to use a landline out of office hours, and it's quite intrusive to disturb people in their own home, unless you are really close, or pretty sure you won't bother them."

Say whaaaat?! In what world? 🤣 many people aren't even at home in office hours! Why is it intrusive to phone someone at home? If they don't want to talk they won't answer it. It's not like you're spying on them. I hardly ever use landlines these days and nor does anyone i know, but 20 years ago it was the complete norm to phone people on their landlines whenever you needed them, save perhaps between the hours of 9.30ish and 8am ish (depending on who you were calling). These days if you're phoning someone on their mobile in the evening, chances are they will be at home, so surely that's the same as calling a landline anyway?

OP I'm in the it's not too early camp. Since having kids I'm on group chats where it's not unheard of to message in the middle of the night, especially in the early days of having a new born. However, if i had been told I'd woken someone I'd probably just say sorry and maybe you should have asked her if she was ok after her injury??

@IamSusan, actually, I'm a terrific friend; I just don't expect people to message me with the minutiae of their lives at stupid o' clock in the morning.

Seriously, we talk about how the '24/7 culture' is harming people's mental health and then decide that this is okay?

People - even friends, even family - need TIME OFF. Yes, sometimes people forget to turn their phones off, but y'know, sh*t happens.

Get over the triviality of your own lives. Unless, as I have previously stated, there is blood or fire, NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW EVERYTHING at 7.40am (and I say that as somebody who is addicted to their phone to a ridiculous extent - FFS, it's 11.30pm here). Wait until a normal time of day and then crack on.

We need to get away from this 'always on' mindset. 9am-9pm used to be considered acceptable, I don't see why that's a problem now.

Hmm. Not sure I'd take your 'jokey' "well I could send it at 3am" all that well if I was injured and annoyed to be woken early, Are you sure it wasn't an arsey response by you OP?

I don't put my phone on silent because my family/friends would not text so early unless we had pre arranged plans/sports on. 7.40 IS early. If I'm up at 7.40, I don't assume everyone else is. Besides, that kind of news really isn't worthy of an early morning text. It's probably only exciting to you OP.