Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not pay for lesson

258 replies

Tunsey · 11/12/2018 15:01

My DS goes to music lessons each week. He really enjoys it and he likes his tutor. The tutor runs a private business and asks for notice if we’re unable to attend (fair enough). So, when we’ve had school trips or holidays we’ve always given him at leat two weeks notice that DS won’t be attending.

However on two separate occasions we missed the lesson because of a traffic accident and bad traffic. So I called to let him know, apologising but obviously letting the tutor know that circumstances are out of our control. On both occasions he’s been rather rude saying we don’t value his time. On the second occasion he said that we’d need to pay for the lesson we’ve missed.

I don’t think that right because a) he’s never stated this before; b) my DS has been having lessons for over 18 months; and c) we can’t control traffic.

Am I being unreasonable- should I pay for the missed lesson?

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 11/12/2018 20:58

Traffic can be a nightmare but you still pay. If you give notice then teacher can schedule additional lessons but no notice means he's just lost an hour.

My dc do ballet and swimming which you pay per session whether you're there or not and dd2 has violin lessons on similar arrangement to what you say but I'd expect to pay if we miss a lesson unexpectedly even if it was out of my control. It's fairly standard and you Abvu and a CF!

user1468942365 · 12/12/2018 17:33

Yes, you need to pay. The opportunity cost to him is the point. He could have had a client at that time who would turn up and pay. Arrange it at a time you can manage or cancel and let him get another pupil. And wind your neck in, you're in the wrong!

dummym · 12/12/2018 17:53

Tell the tutor to swivel. No lesson no money, flipping cheeky expecting to be paid.

Makes me really angry when people expect some thing for nothing.

cherish123 · 12/12/2018 17:55

YABU. You need to pay. It's not the tutor's fault. Obviously there is a traffic issue on your route so need to leave early to make the lesson on time.

starray · 12/12/2018 17:58

I used to tutor and you'd be amazed how many parents do this. Cancel at the last minute and not pay when I'd reserved the slot for them and could have had another tutee in their place.
It doesn't matter whether terms and conditions were spelt out. It's common sense and the right thing to do. Pay him.

And yes, dummym, I agree...it really makes me angry when people expect something for nothing! Like when they expect the teacher to sit around waiting for them for nothing!

Jaxhog · 12/12/2018 18:00

I'm actually surprised that you didn't just offer to pay for lessons you were late for/missed. He was there - you were not. I expect he hears 'bad traffic' as an excuse a lot. This is his business, so have a little empathy.

Jaxhog · 12/12/2018 18:02

Makes me really angry when people expect some thing for nothing.

But it wasn't nothing! He was sat there waiting for the Op, when he could have been teaching someone else who actually paid.

What makes ME angry, are people who think everyone else is put on this earth for their convenience!

perfectstorm · 12/12/2018 18:06

If traffic is causing you problems on a consistent basis then you need to leave earlier, or if that's not possible, arrange the tutoring for a different time. The traffic isn't the tutor's problem, and they shouldn't be earning less because of it.

My child has 2 tutors and another small tutor group lesson every week. The arrangement needs to respect their time, and their need to make a living. Good tutors are not that easy to find; they can replace you far more easily than you can them. I'm afraid that I would be terminating the arrangement, were I the tutor.

ToftyAC · 12/12/2018 18:09

He should have made it clear from the outset when or when not payment is required. However, I’d pay up in this occasion.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/12/2018 18:10

Dummym - are you sure you read the post correctly? It wasn't the tutor who wasn't at the lesson.

Or, are you the op under a different name in an attempt to get one poster agreeing with her?

arranbubonicplague · 12/12/2018 18:11

YABU - as PP say, it's standard practice. Irritating but one of those things.

Pashal2 · 12/12/2018 18:11

Why didn't you go to the lesson after traffic abated?

MrMeSeeks · 12/12/2018 18:21

I don’t live rurally, i can be waiting an hour for a bus due to traffic sometimes!
You should book later appointments if you know traffic can be bad.

LaraLondon1 · 12/12/2018 18:29

So nice to read so many posts saying OP is BU. My other half work for himself coaching and he has the same so and so’s who cancel last minute. It is disgusting behaviour towards an individual who relies on the income. The music teacher is right when he said he feels his time isn’t valued . Yes the traffic wasn’t ur fault but maybe you need to factor in a bit more time to get there .

Lordofmyflies · 12/12/2018 18:31

You need to pay. You bought that block of time from the tutor. You pay for that time whether you are there or not.
I am currently owed £400 from clients who booked appointments with my business this month and have failed to show up. I will invoice them for the missed appointments but probably only 25% will pay.
Those that don't will have their contract terminated. If you value the tutor and have morals - pay. If you don't, do him a favour and finish having lessons with him. You are costing him money.

AGHHHH · 12/12/2018 18:32

Obviously you should pay.

Bizarre.

BrokenWing · 12/12/2018 18:33

You've failed to make it on time twice now so you need to get a later slot as you canf reliabily make this one.

Yes you should 100% pay. It's a pain in arse paying for a lesson you didn't receive, but the tutor was there, available and you werent. For you it was just a missed lesson for him it's his livelihood, it's how he puts food on his table.

cadburyegg · 12/12/2018 18:34

My DH is a peripatetic music teacher and used to do a lot of teaching privately, but now works almost exclusively for the local music service partly because of people like you, sorry. It is his income and we rely on it as a family to pay our mortgage, bills and other expenses similar to yours. You clearly don’t take that seriously otherwise you would be paying without question. As said, he now works for the music service which works out more expensive for parents as there is a “middle man”, but it means his income is more reliable.

I was stuck in bad traffic last week but managed to get to my son’s nursery about 2 minutes before pick up time. If I had been late I wouldn’t have asked them to waive any late charge because it was “unavoidable”. Likewise, if your payroll manager was stuck in traffic, you wouldn’t accept that as an excuse for being paid late would you? YABU.

moralvictor · 12/12/2018 18:38

My wife tutors and we also pay others for music lessons. Fortunately, all her parents are very reasonable and when they cancel lessons, she tries to rearrange. When they cancel with plenty of notice, she doesn't expect them to pay. But on those occasions where it last minute (or they simply don't show up) there is no refund. For most of her parents, they are charged up front for the half-term. If my wife herself cancels (due to ill health, for example), or if there is due notice, that lesson is taken off the invoice for the following half term.

With our own kids, we made it quite clear when we began the arrangement that there would be occasions when we wouldn't be able to come for their regular weekly slot. Of course, we give notice for that. But we also made sure that the teachers (who also perform) had every right to cancel lessons if other arrangements came along. It's give and take, right, and kind communication? When I have had traffic issues delivering our son to his lesson, we just turn up late and suck up the "loss".

MissConductUS · 12/12/2018 18:39

Getting arsey and unreasonable about this will eventually get you dropped as a client. The tutor will prefer to have someone more reliable in the slot. And you have no idea how many people will blow off an appointment because they're feeling a bit poorly and blame it on an act of God. One medical practice I worked for had a patient who wouldn't come to an appointment if it was raining. She was eventually referred to someone else.

I have a great maths tutor for my DD. Maths tutors who are qualified teachers and have a good relationship with the student are in great demand and can pretty much pick and choose who they work with.

I bake for him. I give him amazon gift vouchers at the end of the term. If we had to cancel last minute of course I'd pay him.

The moral of the story is don't let your CF'ery disrupt an important relationship for you child.

cuppycakey · 12/12/2018 18:41

Is this a reverse? Or are you really such a CF that you don't realise you are BVVU?

Let's make this clear - even if an elephant fell from the sky and blocked your path, you would still be liable to pay the music tutor. HTH

Zbag · 12/12/2018 18:42

You absolutely have to pay.

ShinyPinkLipgloss · 12/12/2018 19:00

I’m utterly aghast that you even need to ask!

You are being completely unreasonable.

purplebunny2012 · 12/12/2018 19:01

You have to pay if you haven't given notice.
My son goes to breakfast club at school every morning. I still have to pay if he's off sick or I take the day off and take him to school at normal school time

BadMoodBoard · 12/12/2018 19:03

I can't work out if you're really naive or spectacularly entitled.