Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not pay for lesson

258 replies

Tunsey · 11/12/2018 15:01

My DS goes to music lessons each week. He really enjoys it and he likes his tutor. The tutor runs a private business and asks for notice if we’re unable to attend (fair enough). So, when we’ve had school trips or holidays we’ve always given him at leat two weeks notice that DS won’t be attending.

However on two separate occasions we missed the lesson because of a traffic accident and bad traffic. So I called to let him know, apologising but obviously letting the tutor know that circumstances are out of our control. On both occasions he’s been rather rude saying we don’t value his time. On the second occasion he said that we’d need to pay for the lesson we’ve missed.

I don’t think that right because a) he’s never stated this before; b) my DS has been having lessons for over 18 months; and c) we can’t control traffic.

Am I being unreasonable- should I pay for the missed lesson?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 11/12/2018 16:42

I know we ignore these fucking scammers that post but have they not gotten bored posting yet?!

Nicknacky · 11/12/2018 16:43

Oops that will look weird when the poster is deleted, I was referring to the scam post on the thread, not the op.

thelonggame · 11/12/2018 16:45

love these threads

OP - AIBU?

All of Mumsnet - Yes you are

OP - Actually you are all wrong and here is why.

Grin Wink Grin

GoodHeavensNoImAChicken · 11/12/2018 16:46

No excuse, it’s your fault whether you like it or not. He could’ve had another student in that slot that you wasted. Whether you take responsibility for it or not you absolutely have to pay.

What an odd thread.

ExcitedForChristmas18 · 11/12/2018 16:48

You should pay. Not only because it's not the musicians fault, but your son really enjoys it?! If you don't pay, then he can't go anymore..cutting your nose of to spite your face 🤷‍♀️

We have to my for all my son's rugby lessons up front before the term starts. If we can't make it for whatever reason, I don't ask for my money back for that session?!

EtVoilaBrexit · 11/12/2018 16:48

I’m in a similar position to your music teacher.
I now have a 48h cancellation policy because some people think it’s ok to just not turn up. And clearly don’t value your time, even when they have been coming for 18 months.

Think about repeated cancellations (even when they are done with some notice, you Obvioulsy won’t be able to fit someone else in so you are loosing money every time). Excuses about traffic, family member death etc etc

I’m getting the feeling he simply doesn’t think you are that reliable/ committed to the lesson.

If you add the fact that, at this time of the year, lots of people seem to have ‘traffic problems’/ need to cancel because of x and y, I can see why he is getting pissed off and is asking you to pay (that’s only way I found to ensure people aren’t taking the mick - when you know you have to pay anyway, people usually make much more effort....)

If you really value this music teacher, then I would pay wo a grumble, apologise and ensure that you dint keep cancelling lessons, even with a two week notice. It’s still a loss for him.

twosoups1972 · 11/12/2018 16:50

OP, you're lucky you're not asked to pay for a term upfront like many music teachers.

Pay him and apologise or you might be needing to find a new music teacher!

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 11/12/2018 16:50

Jaques

Of course!

I don't do that sort or overly erotic stuff any more and had forgotten even the basics!

Grin
Lisaturtle · 11/12/2018 16:50

You're totally right OP and YANBU. I agree, traffic is totally uncontrollable when it is your journey from A to B in your car to a lesson that you booked and presumably starts the same time every week.

We are wrong - other people don't have to make a living. The way you plan your day supercedes everyone else's plans.

cockadoodledont · 11/12/2018 16:51

In circumstances like that you need to pay. The traffic isn't the tutor's fault either, they've made that time free when they could be earning money from another student and also they are there waiting when they could be spending the time doing something else. It is their living.

Poloshot · 11/12/2018 16:52

Is this a genuine question? Of course you should pay, the traffic isn't his fault it's down to you to ensure you leave enough time to get there.

Tinuviel · 11/12/2018 16:53

I'm a tutor and ask for payment at the start of the month. Less than 24 hours notice, I will offer to rearrange if I have a free slot but I don't refund. More than 24 hours notice is fine. I do state it on each invoice so that everyone is clear.

I expect a little leeway with time (5-10 mins) as it can be tricky with traffic (whether they are coming to me or I'm coming to them) and if I'm travelling would always give a 1 hour lesson. If they come to me, it depends on whether I have another lesson straight after.

I try to be flexible and work round holidays; other commitments. In return think that I can expect a little flexibility from tutees.

YABVU! Most music teachers work pretty much back-to-back lessons and don't have the flexibility that I do.

JinglingHellsbells · 11/12/2018 16:55

The OP ought to pay BUT he ought not to be rude- if he was.

He ought to draft his T&Cs so it's clear to everyone.

It took me years to appreciate this as a tutor- and by the time I'd got my T&Cs sorted, I'd lost a LOT of income.

I had a waiting list for places and so I felt I was able to call the shots.

I wasn't heartless- for example one parent whose child came to me for 6 years got a puncture once en route and it was heartless to charge her. But she wouldn't have asked for a refund- it was my decision.

Some tutors have 20 hours of work a week. Imagine if over a 10-week term, there were two no-shows each week. 20 hours of work lost @ £35- £40 an hour. A lot of money. Multiply that by 3 terms- see what I mean OP?

JinglingHellsbells · 11/12/2018 16:59

Tinuviel

I think you are still too lenient! what do you do about pupils who have after school matches for example? I had pupils who were forever having to play cricket, or footie or whatever on their lesson days. Or play rehearsals- you name it.

Yes you can have notice, but it's still depriving you of income and parents have to make a choice over what they want their child to do.

Like you I tried to be flexible; I'd keep Friday free and use it as a day for re-arranged lessons when possible.

lololove · 11/12/2018 17:00

If you struggle to get there on time because of the school run then you need to talk to him and rearrange the time where possible or the day etc.

He still has bills to pay whether your son is there or not, he reserved the time especially for him.

Babygrey7 · 11/12/2018 17:04

yabu

llangennith · 11/12/2018 17:06

YABVVVU
So you're not going to pay for the lessons which your son missed through no fault of the tutor? No matter how many people tell you you should.
How would you feel if you turned up at the tutor's house and he wasn't there but rang to say he was stuck in traffic so no lesson today? Leave the house earlier. If you'd paid in advance you'd make damn sure you got there on time.
Unbelievable entitled OP.**

greenpop21 · 11/12/2018 17:08

I pay unless 24 hrs notice given, that is the agreement with the music teacher. Doesn't matter what the reason is.

Starlight456 · 11/12/2018 17:12

I wonder what you want from this thread.

Everyone has said you should pay . Have you thought about why as a unanimous post here is rare

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 11/12/2018 17:17

Sorry OP I'm sympathetic and it's a pain in the arse but YABU. It's not his fault either and it is standard practice that if you book him time then you pay for it regardless of whether you actually get there.

Butchyrestingface · 11/12/2018 17:19

On both occasions he’s been rather rude saying we don’t value his time.

Why do you think he reacted like that? Do you think it was because you didn't offer to pay the first time?

Anyway, pay up and change the time of the lesson if you can't get there on time.

eightoclock · 11/12/2018 17:22

If it's bad traffic meaning you don't get to the lesson - you pay.

If it's bad traffic meaning the tutor doesn't get to the lesson - you don't pay.

Although the traffic isn't your fault (although it could be argued that if you are driving you are at least partially to blame as you are contributing to it), it's up to the person doing the travelling to allow enough time, or arrange the lesson for a time that they can get there for.

YouBoggleMyMind · 11/12/2018 17:41

YABU. Of course you have to pay.
If you don't like the service, change tutors.
If you can't get there on time due to traffic, change the time.
I had to deal with a lot of parents like you when I worked for a Music Trust.

ID81241 · 11/12/2018 17:49

You should have offered to pay in the first place. Like others have said, you don't get a refund on advance train tickets, concerts, hotel bookings just because you couldn't make it in time or because you're sick (unless of course you cancel in advance with reasonable time to spare). I can't believe you're having to ask or even arguing about it given all the unanimous responses in his favour - this is basic etiquette. I guess it's partially his fault for not making you pay for a batch of lessons in advance.

Balaboosteh · 11/12/2018 17:51

You have to pay. If you weren’t booked into him, then he would have given the time to another paying pupil. You are playing for the place on his books, not just the actual lesson iyswim. If you think he was grumpy, it’s probay because you’re trying to do him out of his bread and butter.