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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not pay for lesson

258 replies

Tunsey · 11/12/2018 15:01

My DS goes to music lessons each week. He really enjoys it and he likes his tutor. The tutor runs a private business and asks for notice if we’re unable to attend (fair enough). So, when we’ve had school trips or holidays we’ve always given him at leat two weeks notice that DS won’t be attending.

However on two separate occasions we missed the lesson because of a traffic accident and bad traffic. So I called to let him know, apologising but obviously letting the tutor know that circumstances are out of our control. On both occasions he’s been rather rude saying we don’t value his time. On the second occasion he said that we’d need to pay for the lesson we’ve missed.

I don’t think that right because a) he’s never stated this before; b) my DS has been having lessons for over 18 months; and c) we can’t control traffic.

Am I being unreasonable- should I pay for the missed lesson?

OP posts:
brighteyeowl17 · 11/12/2018 18:03

It’s his job. Why should you not pay?

Allthewaves · 11/12/2018 18:12

You pay. Just because you don't make the appointment that's not tutors problem. Perhaps you need to consider a later time slot.

BlackBeltInPresentWrapping · 11/12/2018 18:16

YABU.

We pay for all missed lessons in music and sport unless it is the tutor or coach who has had to cancel. If we give enough notice, and it's not a group lesson, the tutor or coach does their best to reschedule, but we accept that is rarely possible given their very busy timetables and our fairly busy one.

I think it's important to maintain a good relationship with tutors and coaches, and part of that is accepting that it's their income and they rely on it. If they've kept a slot free for your child, and they can't earn income from it from another child, then why should the tutor or coach lose their income?

It's tough to have to swallow the 'lost' money as a parent, especially if money is tight, but you just have to be fair to the tutor or coach and suck it up.

Personally I'd be buying the tutor a bottle of wine and a card for Christmas, and apologising for any misunderstanding, if you want your DC to continue with them.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 11/12/2018 18:18

Your music teacher was bending over backwards to be nice, relaxed, allow you to cancel with two weeks notice, not have termly fees, not have terms and conditions and even let you off missing a lesson but was probably bubbling under with increasing resentment. He had to find a way to ask you to pay for the second missed lesson and because it is not in his nature he found it awkward and it came out snippy. See it from his point of view, apologise and give him a generous Christmas present.

Pachyderm1 · 11/12/2018 18:20

Of course you should pay. You should be factoring the possibility of traffic into your journey time. If you fail to do so, you still have to pay for the lesson.

Highlights12 · 11/12/2018 18:23

You pay. He was there to do the lesson, your son wasn't.

MargotLovedTom1 · 11/12/2018 18:30

Imagine you booked a mobile hairdresser to come out to you, but they couldn't make it because of traffic issues. Would you still expect to pay for the haircut? Of course you wouldn't.

You wouldn't expect to be out of pocket due to something that was nothing to do with you. The same applies to the tutor.

Pachyderm1 · 11/12/2018 18:30

And if the traffic is unavoidable you have two options: 1) book the lesson for a more suitable time 2) accept that sometimes you will miss the lesson but still have to pay

What isn’t an option is assuming that it’s the music teacher’s responsibility to pay for your inability to be there on time.

Miscible · 11/12/2018 18:30

Ha ha to I can’t manage the school run! Of course I can. But I can’t control traffic.

You can control the time you book the lessons. It's hardly surprising that traffic is difficult around school run time: you obviously need to book later lessons.

If you booked a theatre ticket and couldn't make it due to bad traffic, would you expect the theatre owners to refund you?

seven201 · 11/12/2018 18:41

Of course you pay. I think you should offer to pay for the first one you missed that he didn't charge you for. He sold you a time slot, you didn't show, he couldn't go back in time and sell that slot to someone else. It's his expected wages. He is down £20 or whatever on his expected day wage as you got stuck in traffic. Not his problem, it's yours, but you made the first one his by not offering to pay for a missed appt. Maybe try and swap to a later swap or find a different tutor.

anniehm · 11/12/2018 18:43

Bad traffic, yes you should pay, the teacher reserved his time for your dc, you need to allow more time to get there. Exceptional circumstances are different, in which case rescheduling is appropriate.

Youngandfree · 11/12/2018 18:43

Pay the man it’s not his fault and it’s his valued time and business

IHopeThisIsAGoodIdea · 11/12/2018 18:47

Maybe change the time of the lessons to a later slot, so you have plenty of time to get your son there once you've picked him up from school.

Therealjudgejudy · 11/12/2018 18:47

Of course you pay. What's wrong with You? Confused

Racecardriver · 11/12/2018 18:49

If you son is late for school one day because of a car accident do you request a percentage off the fee on his next invoice? Obviously not. I don’t see how this is any different.

BlackBeltInPresentWrapping · 11/12/2018 18:51

We have contracts and terms and conditions that are clear and we sign up to. We also have to pay half-termly in advance to secure that weekly slot. We're then given a lesson in credit if the tutor cancels. Another coach we pay monthly by Direct Debit. I think they all find it easier, as do we. I trust them to be fair. It's about mutual respect. I suppose psychologically it's easier if the money has already been paid anyway, rather than handing over cash or a cheque for missed lessons, but I'd still do that if necessary.

He really enjoys it and he likes his tutor
This is worth its weight in gold, and the fee alone. Pay the man for the 2 lessons you've missed and stop BU.

Most of us have traffic, illness, or other responsibilities to work around too. You're not the only one, OP.

A friend tutors and does various odd jobs to keep her head above water after the breakdown of her marriage. The loss of 2 lesson fees would hit her ability to support herself and her DCs.

This might not be the case with your tutor, who knows, but you're still BU.

ThistleAmore · 11/12/2018 18:52

Having worked as an instructor in the past and having been left seriously out of pocket by CFs like the OP, I redefined my T&Cs: first and subsequent session were PAYG, thereafter it was block bookings of four or more (with incremental discounts).

When you tutor or coach privately, it represents either your entire income or a significant chunk thereof and losing £50 or thereabouts every other day because of d*ckheads who can't manage their time is no joke.

1805 · 11/12/2018 19:14

I was once teaching privately in a school, and a parent took their out of school to go skiing without letting me know. On the next invoice, they said they'd be taking off a lesson for the one they missed to go skiing!!! I don't think so!

PurpleFlower1983 · 11/12/2018 19:20

You definitely should pay, if traffic is a regular issue arrange the lesson for a more appropriate time.

notacooldad · 11/12/2018 19:25

On both occasions he’s been rather rude saying we don’t value his time.
Clearly you don't otherwise you would have paid what be was expecting and due.

Glittertwins · 11/12/2018 19:45

You pay if you miss it due to poor time management. The tutor can't refill the slot at such late notice. If you are regularly having problems with the school run traffic then perhaps you should reschedule the lesson to give enough time.

Witchend · 11/12/2018 20:05

Ds's music lesson has a good way. You pay for the next lesson at the end of that one.
If you tell him then that you won't be there next week then you don't pay.

If you give 48 hours' notice you pay half price. Other than that you pay.

If ds isn't there, that's an hour that he had to wait around, not sure if he's coming, or he could fill with other people.

I have had music lessons with people who wouldn't charge if dc were ill, but I look at that as a kindness and would always offer to pay.

MsJudgemental · 11/12/2018 20:11

What onestepmorefun said.

AhhhhThatsBass · 11/12/2018 20:18

I can’t believe you ever thought you shouldn’t have to pay for missed lessons. It’s not the teacher’s fault the traffic was poor. I am also amazed that you refer to the teacher as a CF. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect to be paid for a scheduled lesson as he allocated that time to your child. I’m sure if he missed a lesson because of traffic, you’d expect it to be rescheduled?

MsJudgemental · 11/12/2018 20:26

I’m an academic tutor and charge monthly or termly in advance only, due to feckless pisstakers leaving me out of pocket when I started out.. I do not give refunds for missed lessons but offer to reschedule at mutually convenient times; usually during school holidays as I’m always full. Your tutor needs to do the same. Pay him.

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