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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of women going on maternity leave?

278 replies

TheBestMusic · 10/12/2018 20:59

I know this sounds daft, but I can't help but be green with envy when colleagues go off on maternity leave, knowing they will not have to work for a whole year.

I know they have to look after a newborn which is work in itself, and the money isn't a lot (but it's something). But the fact they get to spend a whole year out not even thinking about work makes me feel so envious.

I haven't had more than a week off since I started working 9 years ago, and every holiday I've thought about and worried about work. I'd love to have a reason to not have to think about it.

OP posts:
alltoomuchrightnow · 10/12/2018 23:21

to put into perspective.... I've worked since I was 19 (or part time since 15) and am now 47... and friends have had big periods out of work for maternity/bringing up kids.. am I envious...yes..one friend took 20 yrs out and yet managed to get straight back into full time employment as an office manager after a gap that long

SerenDippitty · 10/12/2018 23:22

If you want to join them on maternity leave, get pregnant. Pretty simple really?

For some it is far from simple! Not everyone can get pregnant to order.

Ooplesandbanoonoos · 10/12/2018 23:24

I used to feel like this.
I am on mat leave and still have this view....no matter how tired or tedious my day I am so glad I am not at work!

Spanglylycra · 10/12/2018 23:24

After the day I've had YADNBU. I've had two mat leaves. The shit going on at work i'm tempted to go for number three!
Yes it's shit for your career and you get no sleep but there's a lot of cake.

GruntBaby · 10/12/2018 23:35

Mat leave was pure, unadulterated drudgery, and I was so tired I could barely function. I was desperate to get back to my (high pressure) job. And that was with the "easy" first child who actually slept.

Second child was born with an unexpected airway defect, and we spent most of the year of mat leave in and out of hospital, and actually nursing him (as in checking his heart rate, breathing rate etc every 15 minutes, and multiple times a night).

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 10/12/2018 23:37

I hate the stereotypes.Mine slept brilliantly. Luckily, because I had to work with him alongside...
I was quite jealous of women on paid maternity leave. Especially teacher friends who went up the pay scale even though they had only done 2 months at work the entire year.

SierraSmythe · 10/12/2018 23:37

Idk about people with more than 2 children, but atm the only reason DH and I are considering having at least 1 more child is because we want DD to have the experience of a sibling(s), and all the benefits that could bring to her in childhood but also in adulthood.

I respect that MeadowHay. It must be hard going through the baby stage that you find very tough just because you want your child to have a sibling.

I am looking forward to the baby stage but not so much the child "stage" which unfortunately lasts a lot longer! Grin

VladmirsPoutine · 10/12/2018 23:39

Imagine having another baby just so your first can have an accessory. How bizarre.

mortifiedmama · 10/12/2018 23:39

I love my job. I'm sad to be going on mat leave. I hate the baby stage. I resent having to take the full year but my physical and mental health won't allow me to go back earlier. Yabu.

KnightlyMyMan · 10/12/2018 23:46

I see the OP’s point - maternity leave is not ‘a year off’ but it is a ‘year out of the office environment’.

I can understand from OP’s point of view that a year out sounds awesome and whilst women get very touchy about ‘maternity leave is not holiday!!!’ 🤔 it is, by definition, ‘up to a year out of work to care for a child you have chosen to have.’

Nobody knocked on your door, dropped a baby on the doorstep and ran away! 😂 Chances are you knew what you were getting into!

I hear a fair few complaints about maternity leave in the UK 🤔 and I often wonder if it’s so terrible and mat leave is actually such a brutal never ending winter (imagining Leo’s fight to survive in Reventant but with a baby strapped to your chest- which is how most mums make it sounds) then...why have you had 3 kids in 5 years Claire?? WHY?

😂😂😂

SinisterBumFacedCat · 10/12/2018 23:47

Lol. I came back to work from maternity leave for a rest. Couldn't get over having a whole hour to myself at lunch, to do whatever I wanted to!!!!!

NameChanger22 · 10/12/2018 23:50

You don't have to have a baby to have a year off. You just need to be good at saving so you can afford it.

Also, my year on maternity was the hardest and most stressful year of my life. I'd enjoy being a SAHM now my child is a lot older, but babies are very hard work.

Hubbleisback · 10/12/2018 23:54

You really need a change This could spiral into depression if you are not careful.

heidipi · 11/12/2018 00:08

I get you OP. I had my DC in my early forties, and had been lucky enough to be working f/t for 20 years with no gaps by then. It was bloody great to clear my in tray and walk away for a few months. Career breaks and sabbaticals are hard to come by in my area of work anyway, so it would have been hard to come up with a reason to stop and do something else for a bit. Mat leave was often knackering, frustrating and lonely but I could potter about during work hours week after week for the first time ever! Your baby actually isn't your boss. They say a change is as good as a rest and that was so true for me.

Seriously though if your job is getting you down, maybe think about making a plan to change some things that will help. Doesnt have to be a total change of career or life. Good luck!

alltoomuchrightnow · 11/12/2018 00:11

For 15 yrs I worked 6 and 7 day weeks, long hours, and never more than a week off at a time but there were some months I'd never even have a single day off and I'd get really run down and depressed (it was in my contract that I had to cover where needed..and it was constantly needed..funnily enough, because most people were off with work related stress.. a lot of it linked to working 6 and 7 day weeks..). So I'd see all these women going off on mat leave and getting maternity pay.
If I'd wanted to take time out I wouldn't have got paid for it. Having a baby is after all a lifestyle choice. If I needed time out to care for my ageing parents or a rescue pet for eg (as have done and do now to an extent), I wouldn't get any help with that.
And all my childless female bosses in the past have loathed having to pay out maternity pay when they'd never taken time off themselves and literally worked non stop since leaving school.
The issue for me was being bullied at work and obviously that's not any pregnant woman's fault but I always felt envy at someone being able to escape the work situation, not have the constant nitpicking, clock watching, the appraisals, probation periods etc.. or even the day to day politics of working life... I had to work, no one had to have a baby. I have put more into perspective now but I never viewed it as a 'baby holiday', I know it can be exhausting. More envy of time out from the daily grind and looking after someone you chose to have. So not just from my infertility point of view but the being able to be at home and not because you were sick or signed off

Mossyhill · 11/12/2018 00:12

Haven’t read the full thread but hahaha to a whole year off. I got 3 months! I can’t keep a roof over my head on £140 a week!

blondeemily · 11/12/2018 00:13

I think OP means she hasn't taken more than a week off at a time?

I used to feel just like you OP. Then I got a new job which I actually enjoy and the thought of maternity leave is not as appealing. Turns out my feelings before must have been an anything to get out of this place type thing.

I suggest you look for a new job. Something you are passionate about.

ID81241 · 11/12/2018 00:23

I think it sounds like you need a new job OP. My job before baby was super stressful even while heavily pregnant (regular 16 hour days and constant 7 days weeks, cancelled holidays etc.). I couldn't wait to go on mat leave. But 6 weeks in to mat leave I told work I'd be coming back early after just 3 months off Grin Obviously it depends on the baby but sometimes newborns are so difficult (at its worst I went 5 days on 4 hours sleep total) that even the world's most stressful job seems like bliss in comparison. Luckily things improved with baby and I didn't go back to work until after 6 months mat leave.

Once I got back to the job, yes it was easier physically but I still hated it. But I stuck it out for another 2 years post mat leavw, and then decided to quit when I discovered I was pregnant with no.2... knowing this would mean I wouldn't get mat pay. What I'm trying to say is that mat leave won't save you from a bad job if you're planning on going back to work. It just delays the inevitable and the reason I didn't use mat leave as a natural break this time, is because I didn't want to dread going back to work like I did last time, which completely ruined the last month of my precious mat leave.

You're better off figuring out what you want from your career and taking steps to change your job/ situation than focusing on an imaginary mat leave.

famousfour · 11/12/2018 00:29

I’ve had two mat leaves and I’m totally with you. Work is a different kind of stress and mat leave is the only time you get a genuine break from it.

RedWineAllMine · 11/12/2018 00:30

I've just started Maternity now, I'm taking 9 months not a year. I'm preparing for it to be hard work, and I will miss the sanity of my job and all my work mates. It's not how you portray it to be. Maternity it has been said can be a very lonely time for the new mother.
Plus if you take a year off the last 3 months of that is unpaid. So I imagine being left with a lot less money than used to is hardly a walk in the park.

RedWineAllMine · 11/12/2018 00:35

Also it's £145 a week after the first 6 weeks if your on SMP. It's pretty shit really, if your used to a full time well paid wage.

MrsStrowman · 11/12/2018 00:40

Nine years... I've just started mat leave after working for 19 years. If you don't like your job change it, or save up go travelling, maternity leave isn't a holiday

OkPedro · 11/12/2018 00:55

Why have a baby if you can't wait to get back to work to "have a hot drink" That's just ridiculous. I don't think any parent should be shackled to their children but a 6 week old baby?

payperview · 11/12/2018 00:58

I hear you OP. I used to think this. I've now got a 3 year old and I can honestly say it's easier than going to work. He's not even an easy child and has some SN. Still easier than teaching! It's bliss not working anymore. If I want to spend the day in PJs, baking biscuits and colouring in, I can. I manage my days. I do what I want.

Didsomeonesaybunny · 11/12/2018 01:11

I’m on mat leave at the moment and I am loving every second of it. I’ve moved to a City which means that every single day me and the baby are out and about either in baby yoga, baby massage, mother and baby groups, walks in the park of shopping. I have a very stressful job so I’m finding this experience less stressful and way more rewarding