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Original poster

To be jealous of women going on maternity leave?

278 replies

TheBestMusic · 10/12/2018 20:59

I know this sounds daft, but I can't help but be green with envy when colleagues go off on maternity leave, knowing they will not have to work for a whole year.

I know they have to look after a newborn which is work in itself, and the money isn't a lot (but it's something). But the fact they get to spend a whole year out not even thinking about work makes me feel so envious.

I haven't had more than a week off since I started working 9 years ago, and every holiday I've thought about and worried about work. I'd love to have a reason to not have to think about it.

OP posts:
Platypusfattypus · 11/12/2018 19:33

For me the best thing about pregnancy (after having a child) was the mat leave. Loved it. Less stress, time to tidy house, more time with friends and with my other children.

But then I guess it depends on your job. All this stuff about lunch breaks and hot tea, I worked 13 hours the other day and didn’t even have a wee.

voxnihili · 11/12/2018 20:15

I'm currently on maternity leave and hating it. I've never felt so unstimulated or isolated. I love DD to bits but I cannot cope with being at home. DD was conceived after infertility and a miscarriage so there's also the guilt to throw into the mix as well.

I think about work daily as I miss the mental stimulation. DD cried all morning today, when DP went off to work at lunchtime (shift work), I cried when he'd gone because I was so jealous that he'll get to go and think about something and speak to people.

Me and DD go out but it's always just the two of us as I don't really have any friends. That makes the time worse when I notice the groups of mums having coffee and I'm sat on my own.

I really looked forward to maternity leave and the first few weeks were great. I had no idea how trapped I would feel after DD's arrival. I'd go back to work tomorrow if I could but that would mean admitting to people how I feel. Plus, I don't want to make a decision I'll regret later. I've written down the number of weeks I have left before I go back. It makes me feel terrible.

I will never feel jealous of anyone going on maternity leave. I would have loved another child but I don't think my mental health could withstand another year off.

Babymamaroon · 11/12/2018 20:17

YANBU!! I was the envy of all my colleagues. Even the men were hoping to get pregnant Grin

3out · 11/12/2018 20:37

Oh no @Merryoldgoat, that’s a rude awakening! All ours are terrible sleepers, feeling your pain. Hope things improve for you soon!

Merryoldgoat · 11/12/2018 21:05

The first one didn’t sleep but he was chilled - would happily sit in his chair and watch TV - it was bearable.

This is a whole different kettle of fish - I honestly feel like I won’t survive much longer some days. I have a completely permanent headache and look about 10 years older than I am.

Faerie87 · 11/12/2018 21:29

I have not read the whole thread but I’m currently on maternity leave, looking to go back early next year.

My little girl is my first baby, and I had a idea in my head of “how hard can it be?!” And I was really looking forward to a year off work.

The answer is, oh holy hell, how an earth can a person even function on this little sleep!!!!

Gone of the days where I could just clean my teeth, get in my pjs and go to bed, now I have my little lady to consider, make sure she’s fed changed and comfortable. I also need to tend to her when she wakes up, and god help us if she has a cold or if she is teething.

It’s also really boring, my little girl is awesome and I love her more than life itself, but oh my god there is only so much peek a boo I can stomach in one day!

I try to get out the house at least once a day and go for a walk but as winter progresses it gets more and more difficult.

I know I am missing adult conversation, and I am looking forward to my KIT days just so I can have a rest and a hot cup of tea! If that makes sense?

Plus it will be at least 5 years before I can get my career back on track.

It sounds like I am being ungrateful but it’s very hard, and I am half dreading half looking forward to going back to work but I know when I do go back I will miss my daughter so much, but I know for my own sanity it’s best to go back and provide for my little girl xx

mortifiedmama · 11/12/2018 21:39

But when you're like me, and the worst thing about work is managers and social anxiety

Imagine the social anxiety you'd encounter with baby groups. Everyone judging your parenting, your choices, how quickly you did or didn't spring back, how 'mumsy' you look, whether you have sick on you, whether you breast or bottle feed, traditional or baby-led weaning, returning to work, full time, part time, sahp and on and on!

If you want time off work, save up then take a career break to refocus, retrain, revaluate. If you want a child, get shagging!

scarfhatglove · 11/12/2018 21:42

Year off ...lol

altiara · 11/12/2018 22:13

Didn’t read the whole thread on purpose so as not to laugh at the idea it’s a holiday!

OP- take a 2 week holiday, it’s relatively normal to need more than a week to properly switch off from work. Or plan an adventure holiday, the type of holiday that is all go, then you won’t have time to worry about work.

Ghanagirl · 11/12/2018 22:22

@NoParticularPattern
Spot on!
I’ve just had a work colleague have complete strop as I don’t understand that she has to work full time whilst I’m only in 2 days. I reminded her (like I frequently do with both colleagues and Manager’s) that I only get paid for 2 days.
“Comparison is the thief of joy!”
Keep saying this when you feel bitter jealous etc....

RedPanda2 · 11/12/2018 22:22

I need a work break and mutiple people have told me to 'just get pregnant'. Erm no because i don't want children and babies aren't like work where you can walk out at 5pm. But I know what you mean

SerenDippitty · 11/12/2018 22:24

Didn’t read the whole thread on purpose so as not to laugh at the idea it’s a holiday!

You should have read the whole thread then you would have seen that no one has actually said that.

Coyoacan · 11/12/2018 22:36

Choosing to be unemployed is frowned upon

Do you frown on someone choosing to be unemployed, OP? Because you cannot live your life by what others think.

If you think it is wrong to ever be voluntarily unemployed, then you are bit stuck, but I personally think that you only have one life and very few jobs are life-saving or majorly important in the great schemes of things.

NameChanger22 · 11/12/2018 23:10

I would never judge anyone that decided to take a year out. As long as you fund it; just start saving now. I took quite a few years out in my 20s to go travelling, I never regretted it. I would love a year at home now to get to the end of my to do list and recharge my batteries.

Saturdaycartoon · 11/12/2018 23:18

YADNBU OP! Maternity leave was a blast for me. Busy busy job and as you say, lovely to have the time off to fully switch off. Once, a few weeks post birth, I got people to stop emailing me...

I had this discussion with a male colleague recently. He was saying he never really had head space away from the job and was almost afraid to say that he envied maternity leave for this reason. I agreed wholeheartedly!

Sleeplikeasloth · 11/12/2018 23:24

Serendipity, actually quite a few of us did (me included) find it was a holiday and said so. Because to some of us it really was. Happy times.

OkPedro · 12/12/2018 00:27

platypus What job do you have that you can't even have a wee during a 13 hour shift?!!

Butteredghost · 12/12/2018 01:12

Imagine the social anxiety you'd encounter with baby groups.

Then don't go any! (like me)

SerenDippitty · 12/12/2018 06:44

Serendipity, actually quite a few of us did (me included) find it was a holiday and said so. Because to some of us it really was. Happy times.

I really meant that no one who hasn’t had maternity leave has said they imagine it would be like a holiday. As you say the only ones that have said that have actually tried it!

PerfectPeony · 12/12/2018 07:31

I think social anxiety has the potential to be worse on mat leave.

You’ll have to go to doctors appointments/ weigh ins/ health visitors. Babies get bored at home/ cabin fever so you might end up forcing yourself to go to baby groups anyway. Then if you do isolate yourself you’d probably lose your confidence even more when you did go back to work.

Hope you’re okay anyway OP and manage to get the job situation sorted. Smile

mortifiedmama · 12/12/2018 07:53

Butteredghost tried not going, but became increasingly isolated and unwell.

Canibuildasnowman · 12/12/2018 08:00

Maternity leave - yay!
Money - boo - I was on statutory and really struggled financially. Took 8 and 10 months with each kid.
Career - went down the shitting pan, I kid you not. You come back to the ‘same’ job or equivalent but everyone else has moved on or upwards. You’re still where you were.
My priorities have been questioned, my commitment has been questioned. I do 4 days now and have to put up with constant comments about that from co-workers. I have pointed out I get paid less and they can apply for flexible working too regardless of whether they have kids.
I’m overlooked at work as i’m Not full time.
Wouldn’t swap having kids for anything though - my employer has just let go hundreds of people who dedicated their lives/careers to the job.

Canibuildasnowman · 12/12/2018 08:01

But I really enjoyed maternity despite being knackered and poor! It’s a joy to spend that time with a newborn and bond

Canibuildasnowman · 12/12/2018 08:07

Op - take a holiday! And stop looking around at others. Speak to your manager and get 2 weeks or longer. Ask for a sabbatical? Workplaces will often let you do this as the alternative is that you might leave or are miserable. Many peeps at my company have done this or taken time off for study or gone part time temporarily. You don’t need kids to have an excuse for time off. I’m kind of envious of you - May leave was not a bloody ‘rest’ of any kid although it was nice to be away from work politics for a while

Calmingvibrations · 12/12/2018 08:18

I would take working 12 hour days, 7 days a week for an entire year, without a single day off, over one year of mat leave. Every time. Maybe it was just my mat leave that was really hard, generally shit with the odd bit of nice. But I’m comparing it to life pre child. If you can come home from work and sit on the sofa ignoring the housework, and relax, that’s better. If you have older kids, that may not be the case though ...

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