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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of women going on maternity leave?

278 replies

TheBestMusic · 10/12/2018 20:59

I know this sounds daft, but I can't help but be green with envy when colleagues go off on maternity leave, knowing they will not have to work for a whole year.

I know they have to look after a newborn which is work in itself, and the money isn't a lot (but it's something). But the fact they get to spend a whole year out not even thinking about work makes me feel so envious.

I haven't had more than a week off since I started working 9 years ago, and every holiday I've thought about and worried about work. I'd love to have a reason to not have to think about it.

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 10/12/2018 22:38

OP you come across incredibly naive probably much like how all the fellow mums here did before having kids

I'm a mum, and I agree with the OP. I guess it depends on what kind of job you do before you have dc as to whether you think it's hard/stressful to be on maternity leave looking after a baby. Personally, although the sleep deprivation was tough, I found being at home with dd a lot less stressful than being at work.

sophisticatedsarcasm · 10/12/2018 22:39

I hated maternity leave, I only had 3 months with my son but 9 months with my daughter, I lived spending time with her however when they are first born and they are asleep 10 hours a day there’s only so much you can do, tv you can watch etc. The part I loved was I didn’t work over Christmas with my DD so just chilled and not worried about the Christmas rush at work.

3in4years · 10/12/2018 22:40

I hear ya OP. I am currently on my third mat leave. It's wonderful. I know this is my last and I will suffer with jealousy every time a colleague goes off! The thought of no sych good excuses not to work again until retirement.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 10/12/2018 22:41

Sierra for some people it was/is bloody awful. It doesn't mean we don't love our children any less than those who enjoyed it. I really hate the ' why did you bother having them' attitude if you dare to say having children is anything less than pure joy 100% of the time. I also notice it's never a question posed to men 🙄

Some people are suited to the SAHP role but others aren't. I could not wait to return to work and by the end on my mat leave.

plaidlife · 10/12/2018 22:45

OP I went back to work part time for a break. It was bliss. I love my dc but they were crazy hard work when small. I loved having a lunch break, visiting a supermarket by myself, drinking hot drinks and chatting to colleagues.

KennDodd · 10/12/2018 22:48

YANBU

I've had three lots of mat leave, it was great. Looking after a baby is a piece of piss, for some reason women aren't allowed to say that though.

SierraSmythe · 10/12/2018 22:51

I really hate the ' why did you bother having them' attitude if you dare to say having children is anything less than pure joy 100% of the time. I also notice it's never a question posed to men

I don't think anyone expects pure joy 100% of the time but how about talking about the positives every now again? Mums-to-be are excited about everything that motherhood entails but all they ever get is you'll never shower again, it's the hardest thing in the world, the grass is always greener, etc.

So, yes, I honestly wonder if it's so hideous why do people have more than one? Surely it's because there are a lot of wonderful things too or not everyone has the same experience and some quite like it. I've loved reading the positive maternity leave experiences on here and I wish people could be a bit more balanced instead of projecting their own worries that people will think it's actually enjoyable, heaven forbid.

dippyeggsandsoldiers · 10/12/2018 22:52

A year off? Have you got children? Maternity leave is a 24/7 job, with no breaks, trying to keep a mini human alive. I've just gone back to work after my maternity leave and work is a break compared to being at home! I get to pee in peace and have a hot coffee!

Tryingtothinkofaclevername · 10/12/2018 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenofmyPrinces · 10/12/2018 22:56

With my first son I was off work for 15 months (sick leave followed by maternity) and with my second son I was off for 16 months (sick leave followed by maternity) and not having to think about work was bloody brilliant!

puppymouse · 10/12/2018 22:58

I don't blame you in some ways. Once I had got over the sleep deprivation I loved mat leave. DD was a good sleeper and we pottered about.

When I got back to work I had a battle to go part time and had a head of department trying to get HR to get rid of me because of it, I had a string of calls from nursery to say DD was poorly (including when I was travelling and unable to get to her. DH was but it was awful knowing she felt unwell and I wasn't there.) And I had a new boss. Who did my job but got paid a lot more than me and I was effectively demoted. Because being part time what on earth could I reasonably do?!!?

A lot of that has changed now but it's seriously hard returning after time away plus you have the exhaustion of just being a parent to deal with. Careful what you wish for!

SerenDippitty · 10/12/2018 23:02

I know someone who has taken two years off, she is due back in March. It can’t be that bad for her to want to be off that long?

The point seems to be that while some women hate it many others love it, so those of us who have never had it aren’t entirely unreasonable in feeling envious?

minipie · 10/12/2018 23:02

I used to think a bit like that OP

I thought like that when I was TTC

I thought like that when I was pregnant

Then I had a baby

Now I feel sorry for people with babies...

(Caveat: my baby was a particularly hard work baby for various medical reasons. So perhaps there are some mat leave mums out there living the life of Reilly. But I bet there’s more feeling knackered, worried and lonely, especially the first time mums).

DryIce · 10/12/2018 23:02

I don't think you're being unreasonable, I loved mat leave and having a break from work was part of it. But then, I also loved going back to work!

Could you take a sabbatical? Or go part time for a while? An advantage of not going down the kid path is more flexibility with what you can do for work, I think

greenlanes · 10/12/2018 23:03

I havent rt(f)t but the only person I know who holds this view is a woman (biological adult female) who doesnt have children and has had more time off sick in the time i have known her than my entire long maternity leave, unpaid sabbaticals, holidays etc put together and multiplied by a large factor. Her "illnesses" have cost the tax payer very large sums. She is not genuinely ill but is weak. I like her and her husband but gosh I have to bite my lip very hard when they spout off about maternity leave not being fair.

JudasPrudy · 10/12/2018 23:04

I too thought it was a big year long holiday where I might be a bit tired. I was more than a bit tired. At one stage I was so tired i couldn't butter toast. I kept dropping everything and crying. I don't think I can even describe how hard the first year was and I didn't even have PND (although when I think back I do wonder if I did have it and was missed)

itsalmostfriday · 10/12/2018 23:09

Mmmmm I think yabu.
I saw a meme recently and it was along the lines of society expect you to work like you don't have children, and raise children like you don't work.
It really resonated with me. So fucking true.
I've got 2 kids... mat leave was not easy with either of them.
The lack of money caused me a lot of stress and anxiety.
I was busier on May leave than I ever was in work, especially with baby number 2. I was getting up to do school runs, activities , cook, clean and all that shit with a new born. Sometimes running on 2 hours sleep every night for a week.
I was delighted to get back to work!

MeadowHay · 10/12/2018 23:09

HAHAHAHA. I'm on mat leave now with my 6 month old.I go back to work after a total of around 10 months with a bit of annual leave at each side. I don't particularly like my job, or my workplace, and the pay is crap, my net pay is basically what I'm getting now on just SMP + TCs. But I hated the first 3 months of DD's life as she is a crier (read: SCREAMER) and even now she is a very difficult baby so day-to-day is very stressful compared to my calm office job. I am actually looking forward to returning to work. Being on mat leave is the hardest job I've had.

purplegoat · 10/12/2018 23:12

I'm envious when I see people going off on Mat leave. But then I've been TTC for 18 months without success.

cadburysflake · 10/12/2018 23:13

If you want to join them on maternity leave, get pregnant. Pretty simple really?

I've had 2 maternity leaves and less than 6 months between coming back and going off again, I was so so popular I can't tell you. It really doesn't do your career any favours no matter what they say about you being protected etc on mat leave, the thing is you can progress in a job if you are sat at home with a newborn! We are planning to have another baby, I obviously enjoy having children and maternity leave, but I'm probably committing career suicide in the process.

MeadowHay · 10/12/2018 23:13

Sierra Idk about people with more than 2 children, but atm the only reason DH and I are considering having at least 1 more child is because we want DD to have the experience of a sibling(s), and all the benefits that could bring to her in childhood but also in adulthood. Not because we actually want to go through having another baby, because no, atm I don't enjoy most of it, and I found my labour and birth so traumatic that I'm confident I will ask for an ELCS next time.

Butteredghost · 10/12/2018 23:13

I'm going to go against the accepted MN thought that maternity leave is a horrible torment. Im on mat leave now and it's bliss! I was just lucky the baby was easy though. So YANBU. It depends on a lot of things. How easy baby is. And how much you like your job. If you have a great career, you'd be looking forward to going back I'm sure. If you have a shit boring job you've done for a million years (like me) literally anything is better. A lot of people say they can't wait to go back to work because at least it's adult conversation. Well they obviously don't work with my colleagues! My six month old makes more sense than they do, and he definitely whinges less.

Butteredghost · 10/12/2018 23:15

That said, I wouldn't want to be SAHP to a toddler. So I am going back.

alltoomuchrightnow · 10/12/2018 23:19

yanbu I've always been envious of it as a/ I'm infertile b/ I've worked pretty much non stop since leaving college; only time out of work has been following a breakdown. So I do envy more than just being able to make a baby.. the time out of work too. I would love to have that sort of break out of work but it's never been affordable.

MadamePeony · 10/12/2018 23:20

Currently on Mat leave awaiting babies arrival. I've worked since 16 so my first week of mat leave was very strange.
I was bored!
I know I won't be once the baby is here but I still have my work head on and think about work most days. I've still got stuff I need to do for my work whilst I'm off so can't really switch off from it at all.