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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of women going on maternity leave?

278 replies

TheBestMusic · 10/12/2018 20:59

I know this sounds daft, but I can't help but be green with envy when colleagues go off on maternity leave, knowing they will not have to work for a whole year.

I know they have to look after a newborn which is work in itself, and the money isn't a lot (but it's something). But the fact they get to spend a whole year out not even thinking about work makes me feel so envious.

I haven't had more than a week off since I started working 9 years ago, and every holiday I've thought about and worried about work. I'd love to have a reason to not have to think about it.

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 10/12/2018 21:11

You don't have children do you op??? Grin

I used to think like this...my son is 12 months old and I pretty much ran out the house on my first day back to work. Maternity leave is bloody lonely, hard, relentless and physically and emotionally draining.

Wildestflower · 10/12/2018 21:12

Yabvu

Monkeynuts18 · 10/12/2018 21:12

Some of these posts are a bit mean. The OP isn’t saying women on mat leave are layabouts! I get it OP. All being well, I’m going on mat leave next year and even though I’m utterly terrified, the thought of not being at work for a year is so appealing. I’m going to pay for it when I go back though. My DH told me the other day he doesn’t think I should take the full year.

Is this potentially more about how you feel about your job than about women on maternity leave? Do you really hate your job?

Blueshells · 10/12/2018 21:13

You can go back after a couple of weeks then sirmione

DonnaDarko · 10/12/2018 21:13

Some of us couldn't afford to take a year off. And looking after a baby is way harder than working, in my experience.

I'm jealous of mums who are able to work part time.

The grass is always greener on the other side

dangerousminds · 10/12/2018 21:13

I used to feel the same op. Now here I am, with twins.
No regrets of course but it definitely hasn't been a year off. I do wish I had appreciated my pre babies life a bit more! And I feel envious of my friends who are at work now. Especially when they go for after work drinks. So yes, grass greener etc

OnceUponAGiraffe · 10/12/2018 21:13

I’m on maternity leave (for the third time in seven years).

I haven’t turned off my work email.

I’m reading national policy changes which impact on my area of work.

I’m regularly reading updates on my staff news site.

I’m meeting socially-ish with members of my team at least monthly and every time get asked opinion about work going on.

I don’t have to do this... but if I didn’t, I’d be regarded as being even more “out of it” when I return to work next spring. This behaviour secured me a promotion after my last maternity leave.

I’m sleeping in two hour chunks and looking after two other children.

In so far as “a change is as good as a rest” it is nice to be out of things... but I will be glad to be back.

sleepyhead · 10/12/2018 21:13

Honestly? If in 9 years you've not had more than a week off work then I doubt you'd take a year's mat leave.

Plenty of women are back much sooner than that, either because they want to be, they're worried about taking too much time, or the need the money.

How about planning on taking 2 weeks sometime in the next 3 months and go from there. You could even work your way up to a sabbatical at some point.

PerfectPeony · 10/12/2018 21:14

Unless you have an easy baby maternity leave is 10 times harder than going to work.

Work was basically a holiday compared to my mat leave... ahh to have a lunchbreak...

Wouldn’t change it though. Smile

headstone · 10/12/2018 21:14

Yanbu I’m on maternity leave at the moment and it’s fantastic. It’s the reason I have children.

Purplehairdontcare · 10/12/2018 21:14

Because maternity leave isn't just one long holiday.

Then when you do go back to work you have a young baby to consider and all that goes with it, it to mention childcare costs.

Sleeplikeasloth · 10/12/2018 21:14

I totally agree with you.
Honestly, for me it was like a holiday.
I napped. I slept more (yes often disrupted, but overall far more sleep), I spent time with friends, went places. It was awesome!

I work part time with a toddler now, and when I compare my working days before (often up at 5 am for work, working evenings, weekends etc), with my late rising (half 8 ish) toddler, it's so much more pleasant.

PerfectPeony · 10/12/2018 21:15

And ‘year off’ makes me laugh! I used to think the same.

Popfan · 10/12/2018 21:15

I loved my maternity leave and yanbu - not thinking about work was great!

Mathbat · 10/12/2018 21:15

I loved my maternity leave! Yes, looking after a newborn (or two in my case!) is bloody hard work. But my job was killing me with stress and the break away to concentrate on nothing but looking after my new babies was amazingly restorative for my mental health and gave me some much needed perspective on my job. I’d love another maternity leave, but not a third child, so I’ll never get to repeat the experience.

TheFifthKey · 10/12/2018 21:16

Why not make it a goal to save up and take some time out of work? Or be able to afford to take an “easy” job for a while? One advantage of not having children is the flexibility and the fact you’re not tied to a job - I really wish I’d realised how true this was before I had kids and maybe taken more risks work wise.

Rogue1234 · 10/12/2018 21:17

I've been back at work for 3 months following Maternity Leave... I'm with you, OP!

I'd LOVE to be going off on Maternity Leave again.

Ellisandra · 10/12/2018 21:18

YANBU.
I spent a lot of my pregnancy thinking “yay! Time off work!”
I’ve worked long part time hours since I was 16 and then full time after uni, so in my case 20 years without a break longer than 2 weeks.
Even though I had a non sleeper, my personal experience was that maternity leave was piss easy compared to work. I loved it! I like working too though, and didn’t want to be a SAHM.
I completely understand your feelings.

However - you should focus instead on issues you can change. Why are you never booking more than 1 week off at a time, and why are you worrying about work when you’re off?

Original poster
TheBestMusic · 10/12/2018 21:19

@Monkeynuts18 yes I think it's more about the job. My employers expect the job to be my entire world and number one priority, yet women with children aren't expected to be so committed as their priority is seen to be their family life. I could be committed if I liked the work itself, but I don't!

I think I'd just like a year out not having to think about the job at alll. Obviously looking after a baby is harder, but there are no bosses breathing down one's neck, or stresses of having to be around colleagues for 9 hours of the day

OP posts:
juneybean · 10/12/2018 21:19

Yanbu but probably for different reasons as I'm subfertile and would love dearly to have a year off from work with my child.

Fr3d · 10/12/2018 21:19

Erm...take a career break! Or if that's not an option, save for a while to take a break between jobs. Def cheaper than having a baby, childcare etc.

Having said that, I was very enthusiastic about going back to work after mat leave...it was like a fresh start and fresh energy.

HoustonBess · 10/12/2018 21:20

Why haven't you taken more than a week off work? That's your silly choice.
Going back to work after mat leave is like going to a velvet-coated heaven where people play you gentle tunes on harps and bring you constant cups of tea, believe me. Babies are nice but your time is not your own. You have to concentrate on more than one thing at a time, 24 hours a day. Work's a piece of piss in comparison.

VioletCharlotte · 10/12/2018 21:21

I always know things are getting really bad at work when I start envying colleagues going off on maternity leave! I know in reality that being home with a newborn is really hard work. But sometimes sleepless nights, sore boobs, etc does seem like a better option. Really must look for a new job in the new year!

90mammasophie · 10/12/2018 21:21

At least if you take a week off to go on holiday you actually get a week of relaxation / doing whatever you want.
Maternity leave is not any sort of holiday. It's very stressful, demanding, emotionally challenging and physically draining. As a small example, I lost about a third of my hair.
I only went back to work (half way through my mat allowance) so I would be able to think straight for a few hours a day, get a lunch break and speak to adults.

sirmione16 · 10/12/2018 21:22

@Blueshells Hmm helpful. I'll see how things go thanks, I've lots of options open to me luckily. I was just stating that the OP seems very blasé about it all, when in fact it's a massive life change that lots of women struggle with adjusting to.