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Original poster

To be jealous of women going on maternity leave?

278 replies

TheBestMusic · 10/12/2018 20:59

I know this sounds daft, but I can't help but be green with envy when colleagues go off on maternity leave, knowing they will not have to work for a whole year.

I know they have to look after a newborn which is work in itself, and the money isn't a lot (but it's something). But the fact they get to spend a whole year out not even thinking about work makes me feel so envious.

I haven't had more than a week off since I started working 9 years ago, and every holiday I've thought about and worried about work. I'd love to have a reason to not have to think about it.

OP posts:
BertandQueenieforever · 10/12/2018 21:49

The thing is, mat leave isn’t forever. It has to end (and does fly by so quickly). You have to go back to work someday so it doesn’t solve any problems, just postpones them with the added pressure of a child!

WinterfellWench · 10/12/2018 21:50

@Thebestmusic

YANBU to feel envious as that is your right. When work pisses you off and gets you down and you see no end to it ever; the daily grind, paying taxes, dealing with colleagues and managers who are bastards, dealing with nasty customers or clients etc etc, having to meet goals and targets and have performance reviews and kiss ass to get to the top, or stay at the bottom and feel crapped on, it is a natural way to think 'how lucky are THEY getting all that time off?'

However it is hard work, stressful, very little sleep, financially difficult, your relationship suffers, your sex life suffers, and your friendship group dwindles, and you sometimes have to deal with bitchy comments from people, (extended family, neighbours, supposed friends, a mother who thinks she can tell you how to raise your own child, and that you're doing it 'wrong.')

And that's on top of what your body goes through, gaining weight, birth injuries, labour pain, and never having a second to yourself to even have a peaceful bath. It's a 24/7 job being a mother, and you don't get to clock off at 5pm on a Friday, and chill with a bottle of wine, watching netflix, and then lying in bed til midday. (In addition to enjoying a lazy Sunday to yourself....)

Hangovers are off the table when you have a baby/toddler/infant.. or any kids under 11 really! And say goodbye to wild parties and new years eve parties for the next 18 years! NOWHERE allows kids under 18 past 9pm on new years eve.

There are a lot of positives to having kids, and when they're grown, they are like your friends, and your soulmates, who you can have many laughs and adventures with. And the grandkids are a utter treat. But raising kids is NOT easy...........

So being envious of women going on maternity leave, is a bit like envying someone paralysed from the waist down because they get to sit down all the time and never have to walk anywhere!

As has been said, when you have a baby, you will see the 12 months off is certainly not a holiday. It's also very hard to go back to work. I only had 4 months off (with both of mine) as it was all we were allowed back then ... more than 2 decades back.... and I actually bloody envy the 12 months they get off now - coz I didn't get it!

RebelWitchFace · 10/12/2018 21:50

You need a new job.

Purplehairdontcare · 10/12/2018 21:53

Sierra nobody is saying it's bloody awful.

Just that it comes with its own challenges. You may say that a change is as good as a rest, well comeback tone when you've given birth, had 6 months plus of sleepless nights, and have been back at work plus dropping at childcare, paying for childcare and working around all the bugs they pick up from nursery, and share with you.

Then tell me you feel you've had a rest.

I loved my maternity leave, but it wasn't a holiday to do as I pleased.

Wintermuter · 10/12/2018 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

camaleon · 10/12/2018 21:54

I moved to the UK from another European country for a new job when I was 3 weeks pregnant. I did not get maternity leave (2 unpaid weeks). I cannot start explaining my envy towards people who could stay at home. The hurt of leaving a new born with grandmothers who came to look after him from abroad. If you don't have children and feel envy you really have a serious problem.

Blueshells · 10/12/2018 21:55

However, many come back part time and don't notice any financial hit as grandparents will step in. Just depends doesn't it?

GrubbyHipsterBeard · 10/12/2018 21:56

Walking out of work for 9 months was amazing, I’d have been jealous of me too OP
Grin

Mat leave is highs and lows. I’m knackered, frazzled and miss my freedom. I cry most nights as I am so desperate to sleep and frustrated that the baby won’t go to sleep. On the other hand it’s been lovely not to worry about work, and I’ve had some lovely mornings having coffee with others on mat leave (as well as having to make a hasty exit as the baby is having a meltdown!)

Blueshells · 10/12/2018 21:56

I know what you mean winter

camaleon · 10/12/2018 21:57

This thread reads like a massive white woman middle-class British melt-down from people who have no idea about what it means not to have the 'tough time' of maternity leave or the 'incredible luck' of laying around with a child while others are working.

OrdinarySnowflake · 10/12/2018 21:58

Seirra but you aren't the op. The OP isn't jealous of woman going on maternity leave because they get to experience motherhood, but because they get to take a full break from work and not think about it for a year.

That isn't jealously because they will be a parent, that's jealousy because they get to get away from a situation and the OP sees it as the only way to get that mental break.

It would be completely the wrong reason to have a baby so you could allow yourself the excuse to leave a job that clearly doesn't suit you. You are allowed to put your own mental health first - particularly OP, right now when you don't have dependents yet.

camaleon · 10/12/2018 21:59

By the way, I am a white European woman. Probably the only reason I survived without deciding a termination was the only sensible option.

SerenDippitty · 10/12/2018 22:01

So being envious of women going on maternity leave, is a bit like envying someone paralysed from the waist down because they get to sit down all the time and never have to walk anywhere!

I was envious of them for having babies. Something I was unable to achieve. The time out of the workplace was a bonus.

VladmirsPoutine · 10/12/2018 22:02

If you feel like this now, after your year of apparent blissful maternity leave you'll be in for a shock when you return finding that you need to balance work with now having a young child. GLWT.

Elfinablender · 10/12/2018 22:04

You say what now Camaleon?

Yidette86 · 10/12/2018 22:05

Wtf?! YABU Confused

salopek · 10/12/2018 22:05

I don't think you're BU.

I'm a SAHM and I love not having to go to work (ever again)!!!

Gwenhwyfar · 10/12/2018 22:06

"A long mat leave often comes back to bite women in the bum later though as they lose out on promotion opportunities or stop taking them altogether. "

Cherries, lots of people don't work in jobs with promotion opportunities to begin with.

Wintermuter · 10/12/2018 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Welshmum16 · 10/12/2018 22:07

I'm on maternity now for the 2nd time, I only have the 9 months off as that's when any pay ends and I can't afford to have no income.

First time off i had a big wage reduction was a shock to the bank, this time around not much difference as only went back part time.

Also first time I was ready to go back so used some KIT days before my mat leave ended and I hated every day, I was not allowed to do anything I had to read every update there had been since I left do any missed tests and trainings catch up on system and process changes and didn't have a computer for most my KIT days as IT kept doing mistakes but we didn't know until each day I was in and it takes them over a day to supposedly sort it.

Maternity leave us not a holiday, but I have missed out on stuff at work and I do feel going back part time (only part time worker) I am not treated fairly including staff meetings and 2 years in a row now Xmas meal has been on a day I don't work and therefore can't attend as I have no childcare :(

So please don't see this as a holiday for these women.

Somewhereovertherainbow13 · 10/12/2018 22:07

Totally agree op. I’ve had 3 lots of maternity leave and loved walking away from my work each time. I love my job but the pressure is intense and I never feel like I can switch off when I walk out the door. I would love to have another lot of maternity leave to look forward too

shrumps · 10/12/2018 22:07

The time I had on maternity leave was the absolute best times of my life. Adored it. YANBU.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 10/12/2018 22:09

I get it OP, but many people in here will not. It's hard being childless in a world where parents are believed to be so much more important and worthy of a work life balance than we are.

Bluemascara4 · 10/12/2018 22:09

During my mat leave ( ten months) I was the so unwell both physically and mentally .

SierraSmythe · 10/12/2018 22:10

*The OP isn't jealous of woman going on maternity leave because they get to experience motherhood, but because they get to take a full break from work and not think about it for a year.

OrdinarySnowflake, sorry if my post came across that I just want to experience motherhood, which I would also love, but my lifelong desire to be on maternity leave is because I've been working for 20 years and love the idea of my "job" being to stay at home and not worry about business. Who knows, maybe me and OP will hate every minute of it, but I really don't think I will!

A lot of people mention feeling isolated and bored at home but I am a total homebody who couldn't happily go months without needing to see people despite running a people-facing business. Maybe sociable, active people struggle more with the isolation?