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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of women going on maternity leave?

278 replies

TheBestMusic · 10/12/2018 20:59

I know this sounds daft, but I can't help but be green with envy when colleagues go off on maternity leave, knowing they will not have to work for a whole year.

I know they have to look after a newborn which is work in itself, and the money isn't a lot (but it's something). But the fact they get to spend a whole year out not even thinking about work makes me feel so envious.

I haven't had more than a week off since I started working 9 years ago, and every holiday I've thought about and worried about work. I'd love to have a reason to not have to think about it.

OP posts:
mugalug · 10/12/2018 21:34

Work is one million times easier than looking after a baby. And I was in a high pressure sales job!

munchbunch12 · 10/12/2018 21:34

And I also found being on maternity leave far, far harder than being at work - physically, emotionally and mentally.

^^^ This
I had 10 months off with each of my DC, and both times was more than ready to go back to work at the end of it. I love my children, but did not enjoy looking after them full time as babies!

10PollyPockets · 10/12/2018 21:34

My maternity leave hasn't been all fun. I've found it very lonely and isolating, looking forward to going back to work next month. Babies are hard work and mat pay is quite low. Maybe get some annual leave booked in or a weekend away so you have some rest and something to look forward to.

TillyMint81 · 10/12/2018 21:35

When I was expecting my third a close friend said 'I think I'll have to have a baby. I could do with a year off'Hmm
Three years later I go to work for a break.

Stompythedinosaur · 10/12/2018 21:35

Hilarious! Maternity leave is about a million times harder than working.

I used to be very jealous of people who could sleep for more than 2 hours in a row and have conversations with other adults.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 10/12/2018 21:36

I agree with you Op! Being off work is a dream and for a whole year! So lucky to have such an opportunity and weird to be off and wishing you’re back at work.

Merryoldgoat · 10/12/2018 21:37

I’m finishing my mat leave in January. I’m going back to a job I love and I don’t think I’ve truly enjoyed more than 2/3 weeks of the last 10 months.

YANBU but you lack any kind of insight into the change maternity leave can be.

I’d take stress at work over PND and no sleep. I’m averaging 4 hours a night and given I have high blood pressure (thanks for that lasting gift DS2) it’s ruining my health.

TheKrakening3 · 10/12/2018 21:38

I finished work and had theee babies in quick succession. Even at its hardest it was so much better than the grinding anxiety of work.

Original poster
TheBestMusic · 10/12/2018 21:38

We're not allowed to take sabbaticals :(

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 10/12/2018 21:40

Maternity leave is about a million times harder than working.

Personally, I couldn't disagree more. Every situation is different.

2isabella2 · 10/12/2018 21:40

YANBU - I have children and I'm envious too! Was sad going back to work every time, and not just because I didn't spend every day with the children. In all seriousness though, maybe it's time to look for new jobs, a change is often good too.

worstpersoneverr · 10/12/2018 21:40

I loved maternity leave can't wait to do it all over again someday 😂

Lobsterquadrille2 · 10/12/2018 21:41

I had DD overseas. You leave work only when you are in labour to go to the hospital and you get six weeks' maternity leave. If you are very lucky, you can tack on some holiday. We don't all get a year .....Smile

KathyBates · 10/12/2018 21:42

I'm 6 months into a 14 month maternity leave and loving it. I couldn't wait to finish and even with a Velcro baby who needs feeding every 2 hours it's hands down better/ easier than my work. I barely think about work and don't even like speaking to colleagues because I don't want to hear about the office politics when I'm not there. I think I need to find a new job 😂

OrdinarySnowflake · 10/12/2018 21:42

You are in the wrong job.

Listen to yourself, this is not what you want to do with your life.

Sometimes you can get so focussed on if you can do certain careers, get promotions etc, you don't stop to think if this is really what you want to do with your life. And it's ok to say "I made this decision before the reality of doing it for years hit in, I've changed my mind."

Step back. What would be better for you, because this does not suit you.

WilburforceRaven · 10/12/2018 21:42

I could never afford to take an entire year off. But it's no holiday at all.

SerenDippitty · 10/12/2018 21:43

YANBU. When we first started ttc I had been working full time for 10 years and I was really looking forward to some time out of the workplace as well as being a mum. Not because I thought it would be a holiday but because I thought it would be a change and that I’d benefit from it. What I got was no baby and another 28 years of working full time. So yes I do feel I missed out by not having a break at that point in my working life. Yes it has meant that I can now in my late 50s think about early retirement but I would rather have had a family.

anniehm · 10/12/2018 21:43

For most maternity leave is poorly paid and even if you are fine looking after your baby during leave, when you go back to work you have to juggle life in and out of work. I couldn't imagine it and quit work - 20 years on I still haven't got back to where I was

LaurieMarlow · 10/12/2018 21:44

We're not allowed to take sabbaticals

That's a shame. Can you buy extra holiday?

Or would you consider switching jobs?

LearningToDrive · 10/12/2018 21:45

I couldn't wait for mat leave to start - my brain was already turning off in the final few weeks.

It was a hard year though. And yes, now I welcome work as a break from home!

SierraSmythe · 10/12/2018 21:45

YANBU! I've been looking forward to maternity leave my whole life! Of course it's hard but a change is as good as a rest.

The "I haven't had a shower/hot drink for 5 years" brigade really get me. We know it's hard but would still like to experience it! If it's so bloody awful being at home with your LO why bother having them? How do you explain the many women who actively choose to be a SAHM rather than go back to work? Maybe you didn't enjoy it but OP would love it.

Some of us who haven't been lucky enough to experience it yet love the thought of a different type of work; child-rearing and managing the house. It's not ignorance at all!

OP, ignore this lot. Some people just have a chip on their shoulder.

MissMalice · 10/12/2018 21:45

I used to go to work for a rest Grin

littlegecko · 10/12/2018 21:46

It took me over 2 years to adjust to being back at work after maternity leave. Whilst I was off there were a lot of changes to our system, staffing and premises. The whole dynamics of the team had changed too - I felt like a stranger when I went back.

It took a whole new shift in staffing and systems for me to feel part of the team again.

I loved maternity leave, but returning was so much harder than I anticipated.

OrdinarySnowflake · 10/12/2018 21:47

Added advice; do you think you will want DCs in the near future? (other than for leave reasons). If so, then way up are yo likely to want to go back to this job afterwards? If the answer is no, think about whatelse you'd like to do. If it's something that will need more training, trust me, it'll be easier to do it now when you don't have DC than when you do.

You need an escape plan, a baby is one option, perhaps take some time to think of others.

SierraSmythe · 10/12/2018 21:48

You are in the wrong job. Listen to yourself, this is not what you want to do with your life.

This may well be true for OP. I am self-employed and love my job but still can't wait for maternity leave (one day...!)