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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of women going on maternity leave?

278 replies

TheBestMusic · 10/12/2018 20:59

I know this sounds daft, but I can't help but be green with envy when colleagues go off on maternity leave, knowing they will not have to work for a whole year.

I know they have to look after a newborn which is work in itself, and the money isn't a lot (but it's something). But the fact they get to spend a whole year out not even thinking about work makes me feel so envious.

I haven't had more than a week off since I started working 9 years ago, and every holiday I've thought about and worried about work. I'd love to have a reason to not have to think about it.

OP posts:
Mk1234 · 10/12/2018 22:10

You have no idea...when i had baby i just wanted to go back to work asap...wanted to be me again but that time is there for you to recuperate and become a mother. By the end of my maternity leave i was so anxious about going back...and now juggling work and family life...hard work. I never appreciated that people that are full time mums do have jobs it the hardest bloody job in the world..

kayakingmum · 10/12/2018 22:10

I was looking forward to going on maternity leave and enjoyed not having to think about work.
After a year I was ready to go back, which I did, part time. Having a baby takes a lot of energy, but is very different from the working environment. I don't think you are being unreasonable, to be jealous of people who get to have a year off work.

grumpy4squash · 10/12/2018 22:10

I know it's not exactly the point, but having no more than a week's holiday at a time in 9 years doesn't seem good.
OP why not take off a fortnight in 2019?
Or group it all together and take 2 x fortnight in the year?
It will be more relaxing than a maternity leave (which really, really isn't a decent break from work)

Xmasbaby11 · 10/12/2018 22:11

Yanbu! Loved both maternity leaves and i don't know anyone who didn't! Even if it's hard, switching off from work for a year is amazing.

GreenMeerkat · 10/12/2018 22:12

I used to think like you.

Then I had a baby and went on maternity (not for that reason). Looking after a newborn is harder than work. Work you get breaks, you get to leave at the end of the day, you get to switch off.

I'm on my third lot of maternity leave and some days I don't get to even eat until my DH comes home from work at 5pm.

Does sound like you need a new job though.

Mummyshark2018 · 10/12/2018 22:12

I agree with you OP. I am jealous of women going off on mat leave. I loved my previous mat leave (7years a go). the best 12 months of my life (mostly!). The feeling of leaving work was like going on 2 weeks annual leave x1000

Mk1234 · 10/12/2018 22:12

Are you not allowed to take a sabbatical from work?there are some companies that allow you to do so without losing your job or benefits.+

MamaVV · 10/12/2018 22:14

I totally get you OP. I freaking loved mat leave. I was the mama with angel babies, was a bloody walk in the park compared to how full on work is. Coffee shops, free time, baking, crafting, Netflix, lunch with friends, play dates, sheer heaven. Would happily be a SAHM if we could afford it!

SerenDippitty · 10/12/2018 22:14

My employer allows sabbaticals but they have to be for something worthwhile like helping to build a school in Africa or something. If you wanted a break for purely personal reasons it would have to be unpaid.

BroomstickOfLove · 10/12/2018 22:15

The thing about maternity leave is that when you go back to work at the end of it, you still have a child. And that means that you still get all the shit bits of your job, but you are spending an extra £50 per day on childcare for every day you work, and you can't be flexible about hours or holidays, and you are coping on hardly any sleep and then coming home from the job you hate but not having any free time to spend doing the stuff that you enjoy that relaxes you.

SierraSmythe · 10/12/2018 22:15

nobody is saying it's bloody awful. Just that it comes with its own challenges. You may say that a change is as good as a rest, well comeback tone when you've given birth, had 6 months plus of sleepless nights, and have been back at work plus dropping at childcare, paying for childcare and working around all the bugs they pick up from nursery, and share with you.

Actually, purplehair loads of people are saying how awful it is! And it may well be for them but I don't understand why people are going in on OP when we're all different and she may love every minute of not being at work.

And I completely agree with you that combining work and parenting is ridiculously hard and I'm not looking forward to that in the slightest! I'm purely looking forward to the maternity leave part Grin

3out · 10/12/2018 22:16

Mat leave was no picnic, and the pay was a real struggle.

Your job sounds really crap. There’s no way anyone can properly switch off from an all consuming job within one week.

I know ML looks appealing, as your colleagues are waved off following a final afternoon of cake and cards, but honestly, two weeks of annual leave are much nicer (fair enough, the baby is an added bonus right enough)

AgentCooper · 10/12/2018 22:18

Hell no. I found mat leave very hard. When I get on the bus on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings now for work I know that for 8 hours I will be able to drink as many hot cups of tea as I want, go out to the shops for a browse at lunch, read my book at either side of my commute. And I think being back at work really makes me appreciate the time I have with DS.

In all seriousness, I enjoyed some aspects of mat leave but it was a massive change, going from being out of the house 8 hours a day to 2 on a busy day, being solely responsible for a tiny person at all times, not being able to go to the loo or shower alone. Throw in reflux and cluster feeding for the first few months then separation anxiety meaning I literally could not leave his side without the poor wee soul becoming really distressed and you get a pretty tough year.

SweetSummerchild · 10/12/2018 22:21

So being envious of women going on maternity leave, is a bit like envying someone paralysed from the waist down because they get to sit down all the time and never have to walk anywhere!

Yep, sad but true.

I retired on ill health grounds at 42 from a job I had previously loved. I make the best of it and find other ways to fill my time and feel ‘useful’.

However I have had so many comments about how ‘lucky’ I am to have been able to retire. I even had one comment about how ‘unfiair’ it was that the taxpayer was having to fund my retirement (I worked in the public sector). My answer is that I’d be quite happy to swap - they can have my disability, my employment prospects as well as being looked on as a second-class citizen for not working in exchange for my pension.

Oh, and I only took 6 months’ maternity leave with my first child. I went back to work when DS was 5 1/2 months old so I had all the crap of a new baby and all the crap of full time work rolled into one.

Make the best of your own life and don’t bitch about other people’s.

FestiveNut · 10/12/2018 22:25

Currently on mat leave. Still worry about work. Childcare, part time, work life balance... If you're one of life's worriers, mat leave won't cure you I'm afraid.

Spanglyprincess1 · 10/12/2018 22:25

I'm.on mat leave and you are being very very unreasonable!! It's the single aahrdest thing I've ever done. I'm up all night and all-day . I can't wait to go back to work!

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/12/2018 22:28

Surely you should be envious of people who have - and take - their annual leave entitlement.

Not women descending into the abyss of newbornhood.

Confused
Robots1Humans0 · 10/12/2018 22:29

Let me put this to you

Instead of being on the clock 8-10 hours a day you want to be on the clock 24 hours a day

Instead of having a boss that allows you a lunch break you want a boss that won't even let you shower / make food / drink a cuppa warmer than 5'C

Instead of interacting with adults and then enjoying your solitude you want neither interaction nor solitude

OP you come across incredibly naive probably much like how all the fellow mums here did before having kids

I went back to my physically demanding job to have a break from the mentally demanding job at home
3 days a week I get a hot meal and hot cuppa. Go to the loo without an audience. Have a conversation or two.

During Mat leave you are recovering physically and mentally from the hardest thing you will ever do in your life , and you don't ever fully recover because you are now changed into a different person than the one you were before. You may now have health problems that weren't there before.

Although all this sounds terrible, I now have 2 miniature versions of myself that I get to hang out with every day , I love them unconditionally , I get to see them bloom and grow, and the everyday stresses are now something new. I just don't let work get to me like it did before. I have more important things (or people) in my life now. A job is just a job.

Good luck in getting maybe 2 weeks in a row off OP that might solve your issue here

sar302 · 10/12/2018 22:30

Lol at not having a boss breathing down your neck 😂 I have one, it's just that he only weighs 23lbs. He hadn't mastered the art of the scathing email yet, but he does make me want to pull my hair out by Friday afternoons...

Lettherebelight · 10/12/2018 22:33

Can't be too bad a job if your colleagues can afford a year's mat leave! No-one I met on mat leave could afford that

Dongdingdong · 10/12/2018 22:34

YANBU. I don’t have kids, but I can’t imagine looking after a baby could possibly be more stressful than a highly pressurised job where a difficult boss is constantly breathing down your neck!

MulderitsmeX · 10/12/2018 22:34

whispers quietly yanbu I bloody love maternity leave.

DC has been had periods of being incredibly difficult as well as easy but even when it's mentally tough it's still so much more fun than work. Most days we do an activity then go for coffee, it's just so pleasant.

Appreciate doing childcare+work will be super hard // sahm long term might be a big mental load but for now it literally is like a long holiday Blush

Worst thing is worrying about money though, I do miss being paid!

AlexaShutUp · 10/12/2018 22:34

YANBU. Even though dd was a very bad sleeper, being on maternity leave was like a lovely long holiday. Yes, looking after a newborn/young baby was tiring, but I found it much easier than working.

I only have one, though. I can see that it's harder doing it the second time round if the first is still very young.

Upsy1981 · 10/12/2018 22:36

I loved my mat leave. Only got 6 months but it was on full pay so didn't have to think about the financial side. I had a velcro baby and post natal anxiety but, all that aside, just the joy of being able to get up each day and do as we pleased was marvellous. I was in a job in a contact centre though so we had to account for every single minute we were in the office. Time spent on loo breaks was monitored etc so even having to take a tiny baby with you to the loo wasn't as bad! We went to all sorts of groups at the local sure start. My friend had a baby a month after me so we would meet up. I would go out shopping with MIL who had just taken voluntary redundancy so was between jobs. I would go to my mum's. When I did go back, I worked 2 days a week and my mum had DD (wouldn't have been worth me going back if mum couldn't have had her).

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 10/12/2018 22:38

I think this is far more about a bad work situation than the OP really thinking that maternity leave is better than working (I was thrilled to get back to work after adoption leave btw). I once had a job where I found myself think wouldn't it be great if the train broke down or I was involved in a minor traffic accident and I had a good excuse not to go to work. It's a sign to look for a different job IMO.