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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be jealous of women going on maternity leave?

278 replies

TheBestMusic · 10/12/2018 20:59

I know this sounds daft, but I can't help but be green with envy when colleagues go off on maternity leave, knowing they will not have to work for a whole year.

I know they have to look after a newborn which is work in itself, and the money isn't a lot (but it's something). But the fact they get to spend a whole year out not even thinking about work makes me feel so envious.

I haven't had more than a week off since I started working 9 years ago, and every holiday I've thought about and worried about work. I'd love to have a reason to not have to think about it.

OP posts:
BlitheringIdiots · 10/12/2018 21:23

I only had 6 weeks off. Mind you sitting at home all day with a baby isn't my idea of fun. Much easier to go to work and have lunch and a coffee when I want ;)

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 10/12/2018 21:23

Why don't you see if you can work somewhere and apply for a sabattical? Lots of companies offer them now. Or if your company won't hold your job open just save up and quit and reapply. One of my male.colleagues did that and came back to the same job after even though they said they wouldn't hold his job open

7salmonswimming · 10/12/2018 21:23

I don’t think it’s women going on mat leave you need to be envious of. It’s people who don’t have such all consuming jobs. You sound like you don’t have enough balance in your life.

Junebug123 · 10/12/2018 21:23

I've had two mat leaves and still feel envious when it's someone else's turn. I appreciate I am lucky though and look back with good memories. Returning to your career after mat leave with the added pressure of child care drop offs/children's sickness/ hospital appointments is difficult. Not to mention the financial strain of lost wages, losing out on career progression and childcare costs.

Betty777 · 10/12/2018 21:24

The first three weeks of mat leave was fabulous. After that point, not so much...........

Blueshells · 10/12/2018 21:24

And many don't. I don't know where some of you work but I struggle through a shitty commute, spend the day dodging bitchy colleagues and working, not drinking hot tea and pissing liberally.

Maternity leave was probably the happiest period of my life.

BlitheringIdiots · 10/12/2018 21:25

Why haven't you had a holiday? You are entitled to minimum 4 weeks plus bank holidays.

I own my own company and I manage to take holiday. As an employee just book time off

LaurieMarlow · 10/12/2018 21:26

I don't think you're being unreasonable to want a decent chunk of time off work.

However mat leave comes with its own pressures Wink.

Having said that I'm on mat leave now and have barely thought of work. I'm really enjoying my time off, even with a non sleeping baby.

Are there other ways of getting a good stretch off work? Is a sabbatical an option?Or could you switch jobs and take a few weeks before a new start date?

Trills · 10/12/2018 21:27

Someone going on maternity leave won't be on full pay for the whole year.

If they can afford to be on little or no pay for 6 months of that year, maybe you can afford to take 6 months off unpaid too. (except without a baby, so you'll have more fun)

And if your work doesn't offer sabbaticals, and you strongly dislike your job, maybe you could quit, plan to have a couple of months off, and then find a new job?

Theweasleytwins · 10/12/2018 21:28

I got a total of 2 1/2 hours sleep yesterday with my newborn. Its not easy

Im a sahm though so have to look after twin 2 year olds too😭

MotherOfDragonite · 10/12/2018 21:28

Have a kid? Adopt a kid? Take a sabbatical?

Pachyderm1 · 10/12/2018 21:28

I don’t think it’s true that women on mat leave don’t even have to think about work. My friend is 2 months in and constantly fretting that she’s falling behind and getting out of touch. Plus alongside that worry she has a baby to look after! I think it’s easy to imagine it as a lovely relaxing break when it isn’t.

HellenaHandbasket · 10/12/2018 21:28

I get you OP. It's a legitimate way to have a break from work without worrying about not having a job to go back to.

LaurieMarlow · 10/12/2018 21:28

Or can you buy extra leave or something?

Luxembourgmama · 10/12/2018 21:28

I agree I loved my maternity leave. Staying in my pjs s day, napping, meeting friends for lunch.

tenbob · 10/12/2018 21:29

Take a sabbatical?

C0untDucku1a · 10/12/2018 21:30

Take a year sabbatical.

costacoffeecup · 10/12/2018 21:31

I thought this before I had my first. Reality is I was bored and very lonely and couldn't wait to get back to work! I am off on mat leave again next week and I am not really looking forward to it at all, I know it's very difficult and I'll have a four year old too!

Have you thought about a career break?

jelliebelly · 10/12/2018 21:31

YABU - I'd be jealous of a colleague taking 12 months off to do their own thing and coming back to pick up where they left off- definitely not jealous of the mat leave aspect - been there and done that twice and hated it! Op you should enquiry about taking a sabbatical or find another job.

C0untDucku1a · 10/12/2018 21:31

(Yanbu btw. i had my second child less than two years after my first because i hated my job).

Stroller15 · 10/12/2018 21:31

I'm on my second mat leave at the moment and missing work. I'm envious of my husband going off to work everyday so maybe a matter of 'grass is always greener'. I'm also concerned about how this will impact my career as I have barely been back before I was off again.
YANBU though OP, it is lovely and yes it is hard work, but I also see it as a privilege to get so much time off with my little ones. Not many countries have that. And yes to PP, take annual leave and go on holiday!

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 10/12/2018 21:32

I did not enjoy mat leave. It was boring, monotonous and I felt very isolated and lonely.
Sounds like you need a new job. A change is as good as a rest after all.

OrdinarySnowflake · 10/12/2018 21:32

You are in the wrong job.

You have a career you don't enjoy.

It's not maternity leave you are jealous of, it's not having to do no work (as looking after a baby is work - just ask any Nanny), but it's this particular type of work that takes over your whole life.

You need to take the decision this isn't what you want to do with your life, then move on to working out what else you can do, which probably will mean a pay cut.

I remember talking to a friend about how lucky woman were, that they got to their mid-30s and had the 'excuse' of having DCs that if they weren't really loving their career (often picked at uni when they didn't really have much life experience or know themselves), even if they were really good at it, successful and well paid, they could use the DCs as an excuse to step away, have some time off and then retrain to a new career. Whereas for men, if you have a position and status, are successful, high earning and have taken on a mortgage and commitments, it's very hard to find the same excuse to just say "I'm not enjoying this, even if I'm bloody good at it and it gives me a lifestyle others are envious of." - so they end up having a mid-life crisis a decade later We sort of agreed it was one of the 'upsides' of a patrichal society that expects woman to be the primary carers...

Anyway, don't wait for the baby. Start thinking now about how you want to spend your life, with the understanding that what you do now is clearly not it.

ohwownosnow · 10/12/2018 21:32

I had 6 weeks holiday before my mat leave started. It was bloody amazing and time I will cherish forever. DS now 2 and TTC no2 so won't have the luxury of any time alone. Mat leave was hard.

Inmyvestandpants · 10/12/2018 21:33

YANBU. I couldn't wait for my mat leave to start. It was basically my escape route from a job I wasn't that into (baby was planned, but job was getting too much so it was good timing). And instead of going back to work for The Man, once my kids got old enough I started up my own business so I am now self-employed and I love it.

OP, maybe you need a change?