Not picking people up for xmas?

[StephenQueenBooks]

I have been asked to pick up my brother, sil and their two kids (3 and 2) on Xmas day as they can't drive/get public transport. I don't drink so fine with this as my mum wants a tipple (I live with her just out of uni).

When I spoke to my brother about it last night I said we should all fit in even with the carseats and he said he didn't have any.

I told him I'm not having two toddlers in my car not in carseats because it's not safe and I don't want the fine. I said you either get car seats or you'll have to come a different day when you can get the bus. My mum is backing me up however him and my sil are annoyed saying it's their children and they don't mind them sitting on their knees.

Aibu to say no carseats, no lift? I've only just started driving last month and lifts are the bane of my life!

I'm not putting up any messages on FB but I have suggested this to him now, thank you!

I do feel it's not mine or my mum's responsibility to organise these things. They're both grown ups who should have seen this as an issue as it has been in the past. Plus my mum is also spending extra to feed 4 more mouths than she should.

If they live 15 mins away by car can they get public transport on christmas eve then walk home on christmas day (or get a taxi).

If you are a new driver you would lose your licence if you got stopped or had an accident, if it was an accident the licence could be the least of everyone's worries .
I wouldn't do it and if fully expect them to day they had borrowed seats then not have them when you turned up so they can pressure you into doing it

They are not that broke then, just prioritising weed / cigarettes. Don't feel guilt op- you are right to refuse the lift.
I'm regularly very short of money, but you cover bills and children first in my mind.

bloody my thoughts exactly!

So your Mum's been regularly picking them up and driving them around without car seats?

Please do some googling and show her just how dangerous this is.

If she's giving them money regularly please advise her to cut them off (if they don't feed the kids, offer to have the kids until they get back on their feet) and save for a decent car seat. Meanwhile ask to borrow on Facebook for Christmas. Avoid cheap Argos / Asda ones they tend to be very poor (£1 trial of which will help you figure out what's half decent)

”Ok so it sounds like you really don't want to help him out here. Maybe your mum could drive round to visit him in the afternoon then, maybe even bring some leftover food with her? Something like this just wouldn't happen in my family because we all help each other out.”

I think you and I can’t possibly be reading the same things from the OP. She is helping him out, she is just very sensibly refusing to endanger his children and her driving licence while doing so! Even though he is apparently the kind of person who thinks doing those things is fine.

turnaround No, she never gives them lifts without carseats which is why she's backing me up. She visits them in their house.

Maybe your mum could drive round to visit him in the afternoon then, maybe even bring some leftover food with her?

The OP already said her mum wanted a tipple on Xmas day so doubt she wanted to drive after she’s cooked everyone Christmas dinner.

So, your brother and his wife have no friends, can’t work out how to cobble a roast together, have no car seats, return things they’ve been kindly lent smelling of weed and want you to break the law for them so they can get a free dinner?

They sound just lovely.

The problem with him putting the message up is you're going to have a stinky car seat in your car and the kids are gonna be inhaling it, bleurgh

If its only 15 mins away in a car they can walk won't take more than 40 with the kids bundled up in a buggy

“ Plus my mum is also spending extra to feed 4 more mouths than she should.”

It’s quite usual to have family round at Christmas, y’know Your brother is just as much your Mum’s child as you are.

Look, it’s quite clear you don’t like them, you don’t approve of their finances, and you don’t want to go out of their way so that the family is together at Christmas.

That’s probably fair enough under the circumstances, but you need to make that clear right now so they can stop getting their hopes up that they’ll be at their Mum’s, and plan to have dinner in their own home.

We are trying to help but when you have people like this in the family it's hard to help out as the only help they see is cash. Everything else is just expected.

My mum is taking them food because she wants to get a little drunk at Christmas, good on her. This is something that comes around every year and they still haven't sorted themselves out. They're also both almost 40, one of them working full time, they should be able to manage dinner if they can't come.

Freecycle , charity shops, eBay, local FB sites all have free or cheap car seats. If they can afford weed they can afford a cheap car seats. They need to get off their backsides and sort them out.

It’s unfortunate but it means they won’t be able to come for Christmas.

Although if you did really want them there, you would ask on fb/freecycle etc and help them out to get car seats. No, it’s not your responsibility but I would do it to help get the kids to a family Christmas.

YANBU. They can walk.

Nine of it is ‘your responsibility’ though. So in the end you have to decide if you and your Mum want them to come. It sounds as if your Mum, at least, does, so if that’s what she and you want, ask around and borrow 2 seats.

They are clearly irresponsible and feckless but it will be good for the children to have a good meal and nice Christmas.

Or just say ‘no car seat, no lift’ and leave them to sort themselves out, or not, as the case may be.

Tbh I can see why they don’t have car seats and don’t see the need to buy any if they rarely ever go in a car. Car seats are pretty expensive and it seems unnecessary for the odd car trip once or twice a year.

However I also wouldn’t be driving toddlers not in car seats, it’s far too risky. Agreed that they need to travel perhaps on Christmas Eve when public transport is running.

Why can’t they walk ?

saucyjack

I am quite aware I'm not her only child. There are six of us.

What I meant by feeding 4 more is because she can't afford to buy presents, and extra food and have drink in for them and then also buy a car seat/pay for a taxi.

Oh my who are these people? Cant cook? kids but dont see the importance of car seat saftey? Smoking weed around the kids? It is not your responsibility at all. You offered, its their fault they dont have car seats. Not your mums problem either. 15 mins away in the car? Get some coats on, crack the buggy out and have an xmas day walk if they want to be there that much! Please dont give this any more thought. You've done what you can.. more than most would! Stand your ground

I'm not running around for two carseats because really, why should I? I'm offering them a lift as I said already. I feel it's their responsibility to make sure their children can travel safely.

I've brought up the idea of him posting online so think he'll give it a go.

can you borrow car seats from someone for the day? maybe put a message up on your local facebook page asking if someome can lend you a car seat for a couple of days over xnas.. worth a try, surely?

YANBU
You can’t drive children without car seats by law. And as a new driver you need much less points to lose your license.
They need to find car seats by themselves.
Just be careful, Onlyjoinedforthisthread is right, they might lie to you that they have them.

They're too lazy to get the bus, they definitely won't walk it!

He's offered to fold up a blanket and sit the eldest on that. Can I just ask would a booster seat with no back be okay or are those for kids older? On is just 3 and the other is just 2.