Not picking people up for xmas?

[StephenQueenBooks]

I have been asked to pick up my brother, sil and their two kids (3 and 2) on Xmas day as they can't drive/get public transport. I don't drink so fine with this as my mum wants a tipple (I live with her just out of uni).

When I spoke to my brother about it last night I said we should all fit in even with the carseats and he said he didn't have any.

I told him I'm not having two toddlers in my car not in carseats because it's not safe and I don't want the fine. I said you either get car seats or you'll have to come a different day when you can get the bus. My mum is backing me up however him and my sil are annoyed saying it's their children and they don't mind them sitting on their knees.

Aibu to say no carseats, no lift? I've only just started driving last month and lifts are the bane of my life!

They should be able to borrow seats. If really pushed they could likely get a free second hand one on freegle or facebook though it's not recommended as you don't know the history.

I would never recommend travelling without seats and add to that at Christmas there are traffic Police checking roads for drink drivers so you have increased likelihood of being caught.

Also, in a crash, holding onto a baby is something like the same as holding an 8kg bag of concrete being ripped forward (if you look it up you can find the exact info).

All of these say it's bad news without a seat, you're right to stand your ground

They are very, very low income so can't get a taxi as they can't afford it, they're coming to us for dinner because they can't afford it (and don't know how to cook it)

What do they normally do at Christmas?

How do they normally get around to visit your mum/get shopping etc?

My mum spends £10 on each kid and then has 9 grandkids to buy for too.

Do any of these 9 grandchildren have a car seat your brother could borrow for one day?

Legally you do not have to have a car seat in a taxi.
So they could do that.
How far away do they live?

Easy answer to carseat problem - ask around to be given some. Quick post on fb, a few freebie sites like freegle and freecycle, you should be sorted

Is there actually enough room in the car? Or were you doing two trips?

How can you “not know” how to ccok a Christmas roast? Especially these days with the internet to tell you

Do they play helpless a lot?

Taxi would probably be double fare. It's tough having no money but unless they can transport their children safely and legally, they will have to decline the invitation. I can't believe they have no issue with this.

As it's an expected journey (planned) you would be breaking the law by not having a seat.

I've just had a look on Facebook marketplace. You can get car seats for a tenner. Could you and your mum go halves on one? I wouldn't normally get second hand for car seats but should be fine considering the number of journeys. I know you shouldn't have to buy one but if you've paid for driving lessons and a car it's a drop in the ocean. Could you just get one and do 2 journeys to pick them up?

Or look on free cycle for one?

If they got a taxi they wouldn't have to go in a car seat (legally)

YANBU. It is the LAW for children under a certain height/weight to be in car seats.
The police are HOT on driving violations over the Christmas break... It's not worth the risk.

We’ve never driven but we always had a car seat available for kind people who would give us a lift. If you have them a lift without the car seats it would be you the law came down on so it is unreasonable of them to fail to consider this.

You are breaking the law by driving them - the driver can be fined and points on your licence, two kids means loosing your licence potentially. They are being vvv irresponsible parents.

Lots of police around on Xmas day too as they like to catch the drunk drivers, it would be a huge risk and you who would be in trouble for it, even though they are the parents. I wouldn’t do it!

Just to answer a few points:

A) presents are already bought and we cannot afford to buy them car seats/pay for their taxi as we would never see the money back.

B) some of my siblings are with their own family or going to my dad's on Xmas day so we wouldn't club together. There would still be four of us at my mum's place not counting people who might drop in so not like it would just be me and my mum.

C) they come here every year even before they had kids. My mum had to pay for the taxi last year and they paid the year before after scrimping.

D) They never visit my mum often, she has to go to them in her car as they are too lazy to get the bus ( they live 15 mins away in the car).

I am doing paragraphs but on mobile, just incase they don't turn out

I'd also try and borrow one. Some people won't travel on Xmas day and others especially slightly older kids may have one they've grown out of. Also I know a lot of grandparents who have bought a cheap car seat when they have a few grandkids for ease of giving children lifts so you probably know someone with a spare even if they don't have young kids themselves

Have a look on Freecycle and post you need car seat ideally can be used with a harness or as a booster (will then last through age 8) suitable for a 2&3 year old who cannot afford one. I gave away my high backed boosters this way (it's not as good as buying super expensive ones but far better than nothing). Plenty of people have them in their garages unused

If they can't afford car seats, they definitely can't afford your fine for breaking the law, can they?
It's hard, but you are of course doing the right thing and you sound strong - don't give in. Show them this thread maybe?

They are asking around to borrow one as far as I'm aware although they don't have many friends, especially where they live. Social services were called after someone from the council came to fix their boiler due to the state of their flat, them constantly smoking cigarettes and weed in there and they were forced to give up their cats.

As you can imagine they don't get on with neighbours.

Here we go with the sledgehammer drip feed 🙄

Can you go to theirs for Christmas Day? Help them to cook the dinner?

As someone elsecsaud - put up a message on your local FB community pages and I am.positive you will get offers to borrow 2. Or given.

Surely they must know someone they could borrow car seats from? Loads of people don’t go anywhere on Christmas Day therefore won’t be using their seats for their own children.

Indeed borrow one or two but it is not up to the OP or her DM to organise this. The parents should be doing this if they really want to spend Christmas Day with them.

OP, you and your DM lovely lovely generous people, don’t let your relatives take advantage of you.

Sorry, I didn't mean that as a drip feed, I just didn't want it to effect people's opinions of them and the advice they were giving.

I know they borrowed a car seat from one of my brother's for their first baby but because it came back smelling of weed he said he'd never lend them anything again (plus he hasn't got car seats anymore)

I sold our old car seats on eBay and someone bought them for 1p! Try there

Ok so it sounds like you really don't want to help him out here. Maybe your mum could drive round to visit him in the afternoon then, maybe even bring some leftover food with her? Something like this just wouldn't happen in my family because we all help each other out.