Not picking people up for xmas?

[StephenQueenBooks]

I have been asked to pick up my brother, sil and their two kids (3 and 2) on Xmas day as they can't drive/get public transport. I don't drink so fine with this as my mum wants a tipple (I live with her just out of uni).

When I spoke to my brother about it last night I said we should all fit in even with the carseats and he said he didn't have any.

I told him I'm not having two toddlers in my car not in carseats because it's not safe and I don't want the fine. I said you either get car seats or you'll have to come a different day when you can get the bus. My mum is backing me up however him and my sil are annoyed saying it's their children and they don't mind them sitting on their knees.

Aibu to say no carseats, no lift? I've only just started driving last month and lifts are the bane of my life!

Why should a 21 year old just out of uni with limited finances pay for a taxi for 2 40 year old grown adults who choose to piss their money away on weed?

Well, you either put yourself out a little bit by looking on freecycle, facebook etc for cheap/free car seats, or you deal with the family fall out for refusing to give them a lift. You are coming across as a bit resentful and self-righteous here.

What EarlyModernParent just said.

YANBU

I wouldn't borrow from someone myself because I would be embarrassed to give the seats back stinking. Not that I know anyone to even lend any off of!

I am not sorting it out, they're both adults and doing everything for them is ridiculous. If the kids can't come they can all have Christmas at home together, it's not like the kids will be alone, their mum and dad will be there.

Well, you either put yourself out a little bit by looking on freecycle, facebook etc for cheap/free car seats, or you deal with the family fall out for refusing to give them a lift. You are coming across as a bit resentful and self-righteous here.

WTF???!!!! Seriously? Two 40 year olds would prefer to spend their limited funds on weed and somehow it's the 21 yr old OP's fault?!

YANBU

I'm a new driver too, although I'm twice your age. Nothing strikes fear into me more than the thought of losing my licence and that's what would happen in this situation.
It isn't your problem to solve, it really isn't. Does your brother have a history of his problems being sorted out by his mother?

They need to come another day and have a "Christmas Day" with their grandmother then. That's quite normal in lots of families.

Is the journey far? Would it be easier to borrow/buy second hand one car seat and do two trips? I don’t think your in the wrong at all I just feel for the kids who will be stuck with two deadbeat parents for the day. I’d be inclined to borrow the seats pick the kids up and leave the parents there 😂

I am reading some of the comments here and can’t see what the OP has done wrong. She has quite rightly refused to put 2 young children’s lives at risk by taking them in her car and should never be expected to buy car seats for other people’s children (family or not). Why should she also go sourcing car seats? They are not her children. They are her families and it’s up to them to get car seats for there kids.

Can they not get the bus the day before as its only 15mins away by car. Don’t children travel free on the bus aswell?

The parents sound feckless but if you care for niece n nephew I'd try to source 2 car seats for the day. Leave them at you/your mum's house. People als have these things in their attics I have 2 baby car seats waiting for the opportunity to give them away. I'll put them on free cycle in new year if not got rid off.

They have plenty of time to arrange getting car seats. You are absolutely in the right saying what you have. Can they not borrow some car seats for the day? Home bargins I think sell booster seats for £4.99 just for the trip! Tell them to get on these free sites on Facebook and ask about.

Why should you get a fine for them to have the kids on their knee. Do they know how dangerous and illegal that is?

YNBU at all @StephenQueenBooks

@ginseng1 - why is this the OPs problem to sort out?

Why shouldn't the PARENTS provide car seats for THEIR offspring??

And if you can't afford two 2nd hand car seats (not saying you should afford them anyway), you'll certainly not be able to afford the hefty fine you'd get if stopped by the police without them. Not to mention probably losing your licence. Oh, and possibly seriously injuring the kids if there was an accident.

Stick to your guns.

@ReanimatedSGB
"Well, you either put yourself out a little bit by looking on freecycle, facebook etc for cheap/free car seats, or you deal with the family fall out for refusing to give them a lift."

So why should OP put herself out even more by finding and perhaps paying for car seats and then go out of her way to give a lift for them when there are TWO OTHER FULLY GROWN ADULTS that are the parents of these children? Why can't the parents of the children sort this out???

They could walk 40 minutes with the kids in a pushchair each and be here but they won't.

I've had a message saying they might be going to her mum's since they're not welcome at my mum's house. They're just saying that to get my mum to cave in. Bloody arseholes.

So reply, "OK, that sounds like a good solution. Have fun."

Boosters aren't legal at that age either I don't think. They need to weigh over 18kg to use a booster. My 5 year old chunky nephew isn't on a booster yet.

All the people giving @StephenQueenBooks grief basically saying it's his responsibility are talking b0ll0cks. Their not his kids they are his brothers. He's said he'll pick them up on the conditions they get the correct seating for the children.

Why should OPs mum go to the brothers house for xmas day? Just because it saves the lazy brother travelling? Plus if his house does stink of weed/fags, why would you wanna go there for food.

@StephenQueenBooks Tell your brother if he doesn't sort out child seats your NOT picking them up. Simple as. And as you've said your mum is on your side with this.

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer "
It might not be op’s problem to fix, but for the sake of her nieces or nephews getting to have a nice Christmas it’s probably worth a Facebook post and a scroll through gumtree."

Why is it OPs responsibility to make sure these kids have nice Christmas? Why wouldn't it fall on OP's mum... OPs other siblings... the brother's in-laws... in-laws siblings.... or shock horror... the PARENTS?

@Cath2907 my 5yr olds both use booster seats now.

I just text back.

" You know you're welcome here if you can find a solution to get here, just get the car seats or you can jump a taxi, or walk down to us. It's up to you but if it's easier to go to mum's that's fine, we'll see you just after, just let me know what's going on so I can put petrol in the car and mum can get the extra chicken xx "

Even if you had car seats, I wouldn't give them a lift if you've very recently got your licence. They sound chaotic and having two noisy toddlers in a car can be distracting and stressful, not what you need when you're still fresh on the road.

They might be pissed off but that's still a better outcome than you losing your licence or having a crash.

Well done for going to uni to make something more of yourself than your brother has!