Not picking people up for xmas?

[StephenQueenBooks]

I have been asked to pick up my brother, sil and their two kids (3 and 2) on Xmas day as they can't drive/get public transport. I don't drink so fine with this as my mum wants a tipple (I live with her just out of uni).

When I spoke to my brother about it last night I said we should all fit in even with the carseats and he said he didn't have any.

I told him I'm not having two toddlers in my car not in carseats because it's not safe and I don't want the fine. I said you either get car seats or you'll have to come a different day when you can get the bus. My mum is backing me up however him and my sil are annoyed saying it's their children and they don't mind them sitting on their knees.

Aibu to say no carseats, no lift? I've only just started driving last month and lifts are the bane of my life!

Just for info for those who cba to rtft suggestions have already been made plenty of times to
Borrow from friends
Ask on FB
Get cheap ones
See if any on Freecycle

I think the fine is £500 per offence so per child that isn’t in a suitable seat. And the driver is responsible for making sure everyone in their car has seats belts on etc so you’ll be on the hook if you pick them up. Aside from this it’s incredibly dangerous, children are not as robust as adults and need the extra protection a child seat provides in the case of an accident. It must be hard as it’s family but stick to your guns.

@StephenQueenBooks I would hug you if I could. My Cousin was killed in a car accident Christmas Eve as he wasn't in a car seat. Hit his head.

Thank you for sticking to your guns x

There's always loads of free car seats being given away for free on Facebook groups round me. But in any case, I cannot understand the mentality of not wanting to walk 40 minutes with the kids wrapped up in buggies. I've two kids and have routinely walk for at least that just to get the little buggers to have a nap!

Have a great Christmas OP and don't give this pair of chancers a second thought.

I've two kids and have routinely walk for at least that just to get the little buggers to have a nap!

I used to do this too- walks bloody miles with them bundled up against the cold, rather than be stuck in the house with a wailing infant.

They fell asleep much more quickly and I didn't have to murder them to get 5 minutes peace.

We had car seats that went from age 1 up to 12, worth investing in if they want lifts in future. We don't need ours any more I'm sure there are others giving car seats away in the same position.

Your definetely not being unreasonble. No car seat means no travel. No ifs buts or maybes

LadyBathory That makes me sad. Are you far from each other? OP you’re being brilliant and your brother is being unfair. Well done for sticking to you’re guns x

Interesting how everyone assumes it’s a 40 minute walk. Not sure the Op has said that. Like I said, near me 15 minutes in the car could be via dual carriageways, even motorway, dangerous junctions to cross, and potentially be well over an hour to walk. I tried to walk the 10 minute journey once to my parents and it took well over an hour.

I also don’t understand people who says they can’t understand how the kids have got to 2 and 3 and they’ve never owned a car seat. I’m not sure I’d have bought seats if i didn’t have a car and would always be walking or using public transport. If I knew I’d regularly need lifts from people then yes I would.

I still agree though that they need to sort themselves out. Loads of options. When we went abroad when my daughter was just a baby I went online and managed to hire a car seat purely for the taxi ride from the airport to our accommodation and back.

Pretty sure OP said it's perfectly walkable with pushchairs, but the DB and SIL are too lazy to even walk 15 mins to the local shop.

New story Wrexham driver banned for having 11 people in Ford Focus www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-46442579

Yanbu

You are right to decline to drive them and risk being in trouble, as the driver would be!

Are you in Somerset? I have a very basic booster going free (DC, 12 and 13, but a hoarder).

Well done for standing your ground, you clearly have more sense then a man almost twice your age.

Yeah - No. YANBU.

The penalties to yourself if caught are fairly serious. More to the point if an accident occurred (which may have nothing to do with your driving) it endangers the life's of everyone in the car (remember the advert years ago about the person in the back turning into an elephant?)

Try advertising on Freecycle or posting a card in a local shop/church. If you are anywhere near Swindon we can lend you seats.

YANBU- let them borrow carseats. You would be liable as the driver if the children were not in car seats.

OP, you sound lovely and have handled this really well. I'm sorry but your brother and SIL sound awful, and like totally unfit, neglectful parents. Those poor children.

This is not your problem to solve. I hope you have a lovely Christmas day with your mum, and enjoy your car!

I don’t drive but I’ve always had car seats for DS. There’s absolutely no way I’d want to risk no car seats for two toddlers on Christmas Day. If anything happened, you’d never forgive yourself.

Your brother and his wife need to sort their priorities out!!

We don't have a car but have a cheap £35 seat from Argos for occasional lifts from Grandparents or if we need to use a taxi. Taxi drivers get really arsey as you don't legally need to use it but being legal isn't going to protect DD in the unlikely event of a crash.

Good for you OP for sticking to your guns.

Join your local freecycle network and ask if anyone has old ones going spare. I always get anything I need that way - lots of people prefer to give them to someone than take them to the dump. Good luck.

Try and borrow some or put a request on freecycle.

Do you have a Homestart charity near you? They may have some they can lend you over the Xmas period.

"I am the youngest and I'm also the only girl so I feel I'm expected to do more than them."
Small word of advice @StephenQueenBooks. Every time you feel that expectation - squash it. Ignore it. Sit on your hands and absolutely do NOT 'do more than them'. And if someone tries to guilt you into doing more because you're female - tell them to take a hike.

It won't be easy. Like the rest of us, you've been trained - nay, groomed -since birth to put others before yourself, to defer to the menfolks, to be "nice" (how I despise that word and all its implications). But if you are to avoid the kind of shit your brother is handing out right now, best to consciously consider ASAP whether you want to be shackled to those sort of expectations.

At 21, I also felt the weight of those expectations, and knuckled under to them. Thankfully it's something I grew out of! And the sooner you can do the same, the better for you in the long run.

PS : YANBU in the slightest to tell your brother and his wife 'no carseats, no lift'.

You are right to insist as you will be the one charged with not ensuring the children are appropriately restrained in your car if you are the driver. Is there no one who can lend seats just for the day? Your brother and sil are idiots to think its okay with no child seats.

Sounds like you hate them and want to exclude them.

Which is a bit mean.