To ask how long after childbirth...

[bella1426]

...it took to get 'back in the saddle' so to speak. 7 weeks PP and miss the closeness the physical side of our relationship brings but god knows when well have the energy, privacy or time to DTD again...not to mention the horrific thought of being seen naked like this...wondering what's the norm on this subject (if there is one!)

Me - probably 3 months ish, but was also recovering from emcs, then crash cs.

Lady in bed opposite me. About 3 hours. MWs said it happens all the time!

L

Best part of a year for full sex. Had stitches, infection and then needed episiotomy redoing, plus very clingy bed baby. Lucky to have very understanding DP - who was much more willing to check on healing than I was!

Does anyone else find that bf kills their libido totally? I need so much lube it's untrue.

Yes! I was all touched out too, and hated the breasts being touched. Unfortunately the dryness hasn't improved since stopping feeding and my libido isn't where it used to be, but I think that's a result of the trauma and injury.

Most people I have spoken to in real life seem to say anywhere between 3-9 months! I have never actually met someone who did it before the 6 weeks recommended! Don't feel pressure do what's right for you and your vagina!

After my first about eight weeks. I had PND and a traumatic delivery that required an extended episiotomy with stitches that burst open and became infected. I also bled fairly heavily for seven weeks, was sent for a scan to make sure nothing had retained in the end.

Second was about three weeks, as soon as the bleeding had stopped. I had a few stitches from a tear but they never hurt and I felt physically fine.

Third was a month and fourth was two weeks. Fourth was after a c-section so probably not advisable to have sex so soon but I felt physically fine by that stage and the bleeding had long gone.

Both times after CS, around 5-6 weeks. Took around 6 weeks after that to get back to our normal

Most people I have spoken to in real life seem to say anywhere between 3-9 months! I have never actually met someone who did it before the 6 weeks recommended! Don't feel pressure do what's right for you and your vagina!

opposite for me irl I dont know anyone whose waited months.

7 weeks when I’d finally stopped bleeding. DS is 6 months old and we are only just getting back on track properly (probably because he’s been sleeping through). Why anyone would do it in the hospital is beyond me, they must have an unhealthy relationship if it’s necessary to do it straight away

3 weeks both times, C-section both times too. The love drug really flows when there's a new born in our hse it seems! Gentle though...

Probably 8 weeks later or so. Gosh it was horrendous, I just concentrated on holding back the tears and every second of it lasted a lifetime. Whilst I carried on putting out on demand, I only started enjoying it again six years later.

Sleep deprivation and BF put me right off! First time about 7 months but didn’t get back to normal until I stoped BF about 16 months

That's awful, MiraculousMarinette - 6 years of enduring unenjoyable sex.

Are you still with your partner?

i had no idea that so many people would be saying within weeks - i'm fairly sure from the limited info i have from friends and family its' more like 3 months that i considered "average". certainly not before 6 weeks of healing / getting over the hormonal bumps / sorting out sleeping and coping routines... i'm impressed at the energy ,

..but also a little disgusted at the PP saying they felt pressured into it from their partners - what a disgusting time to show their real colours

9 days. My idea. I'd had a really traumatic birth. Induced due to a placental issue. They introduced a staph infection when rupturing my waters and I ended up with an emergency section after 38 hours labour and 10cm dilated. Pushing for 2 hours then failed ventouce, failed forceps and crash team in theatre while I'm starting to fade out of consciousness while they're trying to get my son out alive. Turned out I had sepsis and was actually very sick. Awful. A week in hospital. I was desperate for normality. My husband was apprehensive but agreed to try. I was very lightly bleeding and we didn't finish but it felt like I needed to feel normal. Condom and lots of lube. Then a bit cuddle session after as it was DH last day on pat leave too.

@Aquamarine It's important to remember that birth experiences range hugely, so you can't just breezily say that you should give it a go even if you don't feel up to it (which is problematic in itself - some pps have said similar, but my DH would genuinely not want to have sex if he thought I was in pain/not enjoying it. The idea of anyone forcing themselves to do it is icky. That said, if both parties feel like it then why not). I think the key is communicating with your partner about exactly how you're feeling. Me and DH talk about the whole situation a lot in a non pressured way, so he knows that I'm not physically up to it but hope I will be soon (am still having quite a bit of medical treatment to deal with my post birth issues). We also are super close in other ways.

Not back to normal at all 7 months later as still too sore and exhausted.

Also @Shepherds and @Miraculous I'm so sorry that happened.

Within a week of dc1. And within 2 weeks of dc2. May have been within a week I can’t remember.

I didn’t bleed a lot, and my hormones were raging

Wow, I don't know why but this thread has made me feel really inadequate! We first tried at 9 weeks and it was excruciating, and still is. I'm so worried sex will be awful forever now. My DH is being amazing so far, but I wouldn't blame him for getting frustrated if this goes on for months or years. I would be too!

Just thought I'd put in a word for mums who never really feel like sex again after the first child. There are a lot of us about! Children really changed my priorities.

@Plumbuddle yup. I'm there with you.

@PirateWeasel don't feel inadequate and have you seen a doctor?

I had 4 c-sections, so we had to be very very gentle, but it was 10 days after the first two, 3 months with the third (But I tore a lot of muscles) and 3 weeks with the fourth.

I have friends who haven't, a year later.

It's all individual and there isn't a right or wrong answer.

This thread is so fucking depressing. I don't think I really cared if I ever shagged DH again when I had DD. Can't remember how long it was but probably around a year.

I wasn't in the mood to have a conversation let alone sex at 9 days/9 weeks pp.

@Shepherdspieisminging what a fucking swine. Poor you. Hope he falls on a post covered in barbed wire xxx

@Aquamarine1029

It is SO important to reconnect as a couple even if you're not totally up to it.

That is true for you and glad it worked out. Please don't make it a generalised 'fact' and add to the ridiculous pressure on new mums to just 'get on with it' when sometimes they are just not ready! For some, having 'duty sex' can really damage a relationship. The man feels condescended to and hurt when what used to get you off doesn't any more because you're just not in the mood (any decent partner will be able to tell you're not into it and won't like it one bit), or the woman feels resentful and used in spite of having 'chosen' to have the sex she doesn't want.

Not everybody (or indeed every body) is the same!

less than a week with my last two. I just felt desperately in love with dp and really wanted to. It was really gentle, and I dont think we even finished properly. It seems a bit mad now looking back, but ive always been quite highly sexed.