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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how long after childbirth...

159 replies

bella1426 · 09/12/2018 21:24

...it took to get 'back in the saddle' so to speak. 7 weeks PP and miss the closeness the physical side of our relationship brings but god knows when well have the energy, privacy or time to DTD again...not to mention the horrific thought of being seen naked like this...wondering what's the norm on this subject (if there is one!)

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2018 00:35

Less than 4 weeks. It is SO important to reconnect as a couple even if you're not totally up to it. The longer you let that part of your life and relationship go unattended the worse it becomes.

seventhgonickname · 10/12/2018 00:41

Just take it slowly,lots of lube and if you're breastfeeding an orgasm can cause let down so a waterproof mattress protector.

Mossyhill · 10/12/2018 00:53

Dd is 6 months and still not dtd.
I suffered badly in the beginning emotionally/mentally being a new mum, I went back to work when she was 3 months, I’m tired, my body is unattractive and I’m worried about whether it will be uncomfortable.
I can’t put it off forever though, I’d like another baby!

AssassinatedBeauty · 10/12/2018 02:02

"Less than 4 weeks. It is SO important to reconnect as a couple even if you're not totally up to it. The longer you let that part of your life and relationship go unattended the worse it becomes."

Reconnecting doesn't have to mean PIV sex, and there is zero point in forcing yourself to do something uncomfortable/painful/undesired just because you think you should. Assuming both partners understand each other it's ok to do things at your own pace.

I don't think my DP would want to have sex if he knew it hurt me or was uncomfortable and I had no sexual desire.

knittedjest · 10/12/2018 02:31

Depends on the birth. Some of my births were more dramatic than others, others basically fell out without a scratch. It's really up to you and your body.

Brokenanother1 · 10/12/2018 02:54

4 months. Wish I'd dtd sooner, was harder the longer I waited. Bad tear messed with my head. Midwife did a great job though.

SilverDoe · 10/12/2018 03:07

Also forgot to say as a PP asked, some women have really light lochia. Mine was super light and by 5 days post partem was more like a pink discharge than any kind of flow.

jessstan2 · 10/12/2018 03:33

I haven't read all five pages. Everyone is different.
For me, eight weeks afterwards.
Quite a while more before I really enjoyed it again but my husband is a considerate and patient man.
Lots of affection that doesn't lead to sex is important to both of us.

You'll get there but don't put pressure on yourself. x

Want2bSupermum · 10/12/2018 03:38

I gave birth here in the US. My obn was very clear with DH and I that we shouldn't have sex until I had my first period or at least 8 weeks post partum as I had a CS each time. She said the risk of adhesions from not healing properly wasn't worth it.

IACGMOOH · 10/12/2018 04:02

3 months after a horrific vaginal birth that left me fighting for my life and my son in scbu. A month after my first planned section. 19 days after the second sectionBlush

olympic19 · 10/12/2018 04:13

@shepherds That is disgusting, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Stillwishihadabs · 10/12/2018 05:58

Lochia was done by 10 days both times. Newborns sleep A LOT, we were feeling close having spent the first 2 weeks together with DH on paternity leave.

8DaysAWeek · 10/12/2018 09:53

My newborn was stuck to me like glue for months, whether he was asleep or not. I remember when he was 2-3 months old I managed to put him down sleeping in his Snuzpod co-sleeping crib for the first time in weeks. Within seconds DH slid over the bed to me to give me a cuddle and I totally snapped! After months of having another being on me somewhat constantly all I was craving was my own space.

It's all dependent on birth/complications and what kind of baby you have. A breastfed, refluxy velcro baby did dampen the libido significantly. For me, anyway.

cadburysflake · 10/12/2018 10:16

I tried 2 weeks after the first time, it was way too soon!! Tried again a few weeks later, but it took over a year for things to heal properly. I had supposedly only grazed but I had a little tear that was very uncomfortable and refused to heal, it felt like it was catching.

Second time I waited longer, about a month, I recovered ok that time, but we had a small age gap so it was more trying to find time where they were both asleep and we were both awake! The eldest is nearly 3 now and they just refuse to sleep at the same time, it's so frustrating!

blackteasplease · 10/12/2018 10:20

About 8 weeks or so after dc1 I think
Possibly more

Ages after dc2. Can't even tell you. But I think things were already coming to their end between us tbh.

Luxembourgmama · 10/12/2018 10:21

5 weeks, basically straight after my doctors check up. I was in the mood at 2 weeks though I was quite surprised. I drank half a bottle of wine and it was grand. I had had a bad tear and episiotomy.

QueenofmyPrinces · 10/12/2018 11:08

16 months and counting...

It’s been so long for a whole number of factors but now we are just waiting for DH’s vasectomy to be done and then we can start making steps to getting our sex life back on track. Thankfully DH has been wonderfully understanding and has never pressured me.

Nuffaluff · 10/12/2018 11:08

With my first it was about 9 months. I had an episiotomy which meant I had trouble sitting for about three weeks after the birth, let alone anything else.
I experienced pain for months after the birth. Not constant pain, but twinges that told me I wasn’t fully healed yet. Even when we had sex, it wasn’t a comfortable experience the first couple of times. Still a bit sore.
My DH was very patient - never even mentioned sex in that period. Waited for me to suggest it.
He was really surprised (pleasantly) when I wanted to have sex only when our youngest was only about 4 months old. I’d had an uncomplicated birth with just a slight tear second time.

romany4 · 10/12/2018 11:39

4 months.
Loads of stitches and breastfeeding. DH was scared of hurting me too

Lost5stone · 10/12/2018 11:47

Whenever I stopped bleeding, it was around 6 weeks as I had the check up the day after. We didn't have sex the whole pregnancy though as I had a lot of bleeding and pain and DP was terrified of hurting me/baby. It took about 13 after DD was born to fully get my drive back even though she was a good sleeper.
Must have been lucky as had 2nd degree tear but pain was completely gone within 10 days

LaurieMarlow · 10/12/2018 11:50

About 4 weeks. But I'm 6 months pp and we've only done it a couple of times.

Does anyone else find that bf kills their libido totally? I need so much lube it's untrue.

RoboticSealpup · 10/12/2018 11:52

I don't remember but I think it was about 3 months. I had an episiotomy and my stitches burst.

RoboticSealpup · 10/12/2018 11:53

BF didn't kill my libido but he was not allowed anywhere near my breasts. It just felt icky.

LaurieMarlow · 10/12/2018 11:54

he was not allowed anywhere near my breasts. It just felt icky.

Yes me too

OddestSock · 10/12/2018 11:57

It was about 3 months after each of mine.

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