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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think separate accounts are odd?

448 replies

AntMoon · 09/12/2018 15:34

How many married/partnered mumsnetters have separate bank accounts to their other halves?

I'm assuming that the majority of people in long-term relationships have joint accounts. I've been with DH 9 years and we've had joint bank, savings & joint credit card account for years.

It it more 'modern' to keep everything separate these days?

OP posts:
Thehop · 09/12/2018 16:36

We’re married with 4 children and a mortgage but no joint account here. We just don’t feel the need.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 09/12/2018 16:36

We have a joint for bills and then personal but to be honest, all money is shared.

I do find it slightly strange when people on here say things like 'we take turns paying when we go out for dinner' (crap example) but they are married. I guess in my mind, because the money is completely seperate, that means one person in a marriage could have lots and lots of money and their partner really struggling or jot being able to afford luxuries because they earn less. It doesn't sit right with me. I may be misunderstanding what people mean by that though.

Blacktoffeecat · 09/12/2018 16:36

I am self employed so run a separate account for ease of accounting/ tax etc.
We have a joint account for joint expenses- mortgage, bills, food, joint meals out. Separate business account (me), personal current accounts and savings are separate.

SachaStark · 09/12/2018 16:36

DH and I have one joint account for bills, then separate accounts for everything else. I would find sharing ALL money very odd, to be honest. DH earns less than me, but I spend more on frivolities every month. I would hate justifying why I was using "family money" (HATE this term) on another dozen books, or a pair of shoes.

Tonicandginn · 09/12/2018 16:37

Another one with a joint household account which we both transfer a set amount into each month
The rest stays in our individual current/Savings accounts
Works fine for us

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 09/12/2018 16:38

Yawn, this topic again.

Married 10 years, never had a joint account and see no need for one TBH.

MarklahMarklah · 09/12/2018 16:39

Married 22 yes. We have a joint account for joint expenses, but also separate accounts for personal spending.

Blacktoffeecat · 09/12/2018 16:40

In our minds all our money is joint though, so we make joint decisions on spending then one pays for something and one pays for something else. DH earns more than me so just paid for a new sofa for example but we chose it together. I paid for our holiday this year but he paid for spends etc. It works for us. We have similar attitudes to money (careful, no debt) and never argue about money.

MarshaBradyo · 09/12/2018 16:42

But it doesn’t mean you don’t have the same finances, make joint decisions and everything else

People are imagining the demarcations are much bigger than they are in reality

MeOldChina · 09/12/2018 16:42

@AntMoon what do you do when you're buying the other person a gift or want to buy something just for yourself?

We have a joint account that we pay into for all bills, food and family/ household spending.

We each have our own accounts to pay for our own cars, mobile phones, subscriptions, clothes etc.
M

Deadbudgie · 09/12/2018 16:42

Tbh I think In this day and age when it’s usual for both members of a couple to work I think it’s bizarre to have a joint account, it’s open to all sorts of abuse (inc a partner tracking what you’re spending on) and also aren’t you paying for your own presents. If anything happens to relationship you’re disadvantaged by a joint account surely.

SachaStark · 09/12/2018 16:43

Yeah, but fuck me, I can't imagine anything more dull than having to go to DH and having a conversation along the lines of, "I'm ordering a new book on Amazon Prime, what do you think?" every three or four days.

I've already spent 60 hours a week earning the money, I don't need to spend more time discussing how I spend it!

GrandTheftWalrus · 09/12/2018 16:43

We both work for the same companies and get paid on the same day so it made sense for it just to go into one account and then pay bills from it.

twattymctwatterson · 09/12/2018 16:44

I think separate bank accounts is fine, totally separate finances, particularly when one person earns significantly more than the other would be a concern to me

Babyroobs · 09/12/2018 16:44

We've been married nearly 20 years and have separate accounts and always have done. We each earn our own money and we just pay for different bills. DH has loads more in his accounts as he inherited a lot of money but I only have to ask and he will transfer some to my account if its getting low. He pays for any major purchases.

BroomstickOfLove · 09/12/2018 16:45

Joint account which covers household and child-related spending. We each pay in the same proportion of our earnings. Everything else is separate.

Loftyswops988 · 09/12/2018 16:45

Separate current accounts and a joint savings. Also have separate savings but the joint one is to encourage us not to dip in to it for things, money that goes in the joint one doesn't come out unless discussed. Would certainly never want a joint current account! DP doesn't need to know about my secret McDonalds trips Grin

cadburysflake · 09/12/2018 16:45

We've got separate accounts but the money in each account is "ours" no mine and yours here. We just haven't got around to merging everything into one (been married just over 2 years).

I can't understand people who do have separate money if you are married and have kids. I mean do you live 2 completely different lives if your income isn't equal? Married couple - "Hey shall we go out for dinner on Friday?" "Sorry no I can't I've only got a fiver to last me until next week" imagine, does one person sub the other until pay day lol?

As soon as we decided to buy a house together we considered all savings and earnings ours. It's probably not a great way of doing things if you divorce. My bil who is a lawyer has always said he will never have joint accounts, even when married, not sure if it's because of divorce, credit scores or that he's just a tight b**tard?!

UserMe18 · 09/12/2018 16:47

Do you mean you don't have your own bank account at all? If so I find that really weird, my husband and I have the accounts we've had since teenagers, we both work so our wages go into them. Why would we close our accounts because we got married, to me that's like getting rid of my independence. That said we do have a joint bank account and share all money, but we have our own banks accounts...just like we have our own phones and Facebook accounts, we're adults. I do find it odd when people don't have joint accounts and one person pays the mortgage and the other the childcare etc etc, that would do my head in. I think there's a compromise between independence and family money.

KitKat1985 · 09/12/2018 16:50

We have a joint account for all shared household expenses (e.g mortgage, bills, childcare) which we pay into equally. The rest of our money is in separate accounts and we each maintain our own cars etc. I earn slightly more than DH so I cover all the groceries out of my account. The rest (not much to be fair) is for us to spend how we wish. For example DH likes nice phones so tends to have expensive phone contracts, and I'm happy for him to spend what's left of his money towards that if it's what he wants, but I don't have to feel like I'm subsidising it.

BrokenWing · 09/12/2018 16:50

A couple of limited access saving accounts are in my name, house (issues with dh self employed when we had a mortgage) in my name only, quite a bit of shares built up in my name only as its a share scheme through my work but it doesn't matter whose name it is in because we are married/marital assets. Can you guess who does all the finance admin?

But our current account and accessible savings are in joint accounts and joint family money. Personally dh and I don't think separate accounts and my money/your money is in the spirit of a trusting, transparent and complete partnership/marriage, but each to their own.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 09/12/2018 16:51

@AntMoon I don't think just joint accounts is the norm anymore at all.

I know it was in my grandparents day but I don't k ow anyone who does that anymore.

There's many reason as PPhave said such as credit scores, but ultimately, it stops one partner having control over another.

ChasedByBees · 09/12/2018 16:52

Different people do different things shocker.

cariadlet · 09/12/2018 16:53

Been with dp for over 20 years and have a dd together.

We have separate accounts. I can see that it would make sense to have a joint account for bills and both put a proportion of our wages into it, but it's not something we've ever got round to it. I'd certainly never want to get rid of our individual accounts and only have a joint account.

AlexaAmbidextra · 09/12/2018 16:55

What I think is odd is when people think it’s odd when others don’t do the same as them. Seems to happen a lot on MN.