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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think separate accounts are odd?

448 replies

AntMoon · 09/12/2018 15:34

How many married/partnered mumsnetters have separate bank accounts to their other halves?

I'm assuming that the majority of people in long-term relationships have joint accounts. I've been with DH 9 years and we've had joint bank, savings & joint credit card account for years.

It it more 'modern' to keep everything separate these days?

OP posts:

JustHereForThePooStories · 09/12/2018 17:28

Together for 17 years, married for 10. Have separate accounts and very happy with that. Means we have relationships built with different institutions (we use different banks and building societies).

Has never once caused any issues for us, so no reason to change it.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 09/12/2018 17:29

I've been with my DP for 8 years, 1ds and I wouldn't dream of joint accounts.

ImogenTubbs · 09/12/2018 17:30

We had separate accounts until we moved to another country and it made sense to just open one in the new country. No particular reason behind this, we had just never got round to it. We were fortunate though that our finances weren't wildly divergent and we were both earning. If we were dependent on one income then we probably would have merged sooner. I think it is only a problem if one partner becomes dependent on the other and can't access joint finances.

Original poster

AntMoon · 09/12/2018 17:31

@BatsAreCool I think you've hit on a really important aspect here, DH & I have the same income and we're both savers not spenders, so the joint thing works perfectly. We're very similar in our attitude to money.

Can totally understand others wanting their own accounts in terms of privacy/independence, I feel I get this even with joint accounts as DH doesn't 'check up' on spending or anything (don't think he'd know how!). Complete trust and never an incident to question it inevitably helps!

OP posts:

BiccieJar · 09/12/2018 17:31

We have separate accounts. DH is terrible with money and takes out credit cards without me knowing. One major cause of our arguments, so glad I have my own account. I’m very independent and wouldn’t want a joint account. What works for some doesn’t work for others

BitchQueen90 · 09/12/2018 17:32

I would never have a joint account with anyone. Anything can happen in a relationship. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

Never had one with exh and it worked fine.

I would be even less inclined to have one with a future partner now as I want to ensure that the money I have now that I have accumulated as a single parent will go straight to my DS and no one else.

Wearywithteens · 09/12/2018 17:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

snowone · 09/12/2018 17:34

Together 7 years - married 2.5. We have 1 joint account for bills and 2 separate accounts for the rest

MysweetAudrina · 09/12/2018 17:35

Married 14 years separate accounts. Earn roughly the same. Mortgage paid through his account. Food and utilities through mine. Childcare shared. Works for us. Split hols and xmas.

Menolly · 09/12/2018 17:37

We have been together 11 years and have a DD. We have separate accounts, not sure why other than we've never got round to getting a joint one. We earn approx the same as each other, I transfer half the rent to his account each month, some bills come out my account, some out of his, shopping is shared between us.

A joint account would probably make more sense if one of us earned more than the other but as it is the bills about work out equal between us and whatever is left is ours to spend (or more often than not DD's to spend)

bert3400 · 09/12/2018 17:37

Been together for 20 years , only recently got a joint account , but we both have separate accounts . I think it's wierd if you don't have your own bank account...I don't need to answer to anyone what I spend my money on and what's going on in my account.

tinytemper66 · 09/12/2018 17:37

We have a joint account for bills and I have my own account. Works for us.

JustDanceAddict · 09/12/2018 17:40

Had a joint current account since we married but we both have some separate savings.
I find it odd when friends say they’re going to ‘ask’ their dh for money for X. Smacks of control to me. I sometimes ask dh if he’s got cash on him for something but it’s come from our account anyway!!
I have my own credit card so I can buy things for him without him seeing it specifically come out of the account. It gets paid off by dd every month anyway. I am careful with money and he’s reasonably careful!!

HildaZelda · 09/12/2018 17:43

@UserMe18, it's the way it's constantly used on here: "ALL money is 'family' money". No, it's not. What's in my account is my money, what's in DH's account is his money. What's in the joint account is our money (I refuse to use the term family money)
That's not to say that DH and I wouldn't help each other out if one of us was stuck, of course we would, but I just don't understand the whole 'everything MUST be in one pot' attitude that seems to prevail here.

SnailMailFan · 09/12/2018 17:48

I’ve been married 21 years and with my husband for 23. We had a joint savings account when we were saving for our first house, but everything else is seperste. We never ever have arguments about money.

I think, in a way, joint accounts cause more problems, because it’s rare you get a couple with identical views on spending.

MaidenMotherCrone · 09/12/2018 17:48

I’ve had both. Everything joint with first H and awful financial abuse for 22 years.
Separate accounts with new DH and I value my financial independence to ever have a joint account again.

SnailMailFan · 09/12/2018 17:48

Separate, that should say!

Greggers2017 · 09/12/2018 17:49

Nope we don't have joint accounts. Everything gets paid, works for us

UserMe18 · 09/12/2018 17:52

@HildaZelda oh right ok, I guess it's just terminology. My husband and I have been together since teenagers pre incomes and had kids quite young and have just always seen everything brought in as joint money. We have both been in various positions- maternity leave, him taking a step down to change careers etc etc and it's never changed the way our money has worked so for us I very much see it as family money, I'm the bigger earner atm but wouldn't want to see a bigger share, it's for all our benefit...family money lol. You'd hate this...we call the money we keep for ourselves "pocket money" 😂😂 that said we are looking at changing the way we do our money next month as it isn't quite working for us at the moment for various reasons, I think we're going to look at a bit of separation (financially that is lol) not quite sure how to do it yet. Any advice from those who keep money separate appreciated! (We have our own accounts but pool everything, similar ish incomes).

Lazypuppy · 09/12/2018 18:02

@HildaZelda

@UserMe18, it's the way it's constantly used on here: "ALL money is 'family' money". No, it's not. What's in my account is my money, what's in DH's account is his money. What's in the joint account is our money (I refuse to use the term family money)
That's not to say that DH and I wouldn't help each other out if one of us was stuck, of course we would, but I just don't understand the whole 'everything MUST be in one pot' attitude that seems to prevail here.

Completely agree! You are the only person i've seen on here who has the same attitude that i do!

Also 'family money' annoys the hell out of me too

SumitosIsMyWall · 09/12/2018 18:09

My husband and I have been together over 20 years and will never have a joint account. It doesn't appeal to either of us. Our money is shared fairly though...otherwise it would be odd.

Poloshot · 09/12/2018 18:09

We have a joint account but separate accounts too. I think it's odd to have everything in one account

BatsAreCool · 09/12/2018 18:10

I think whether it joint or individual accounts or both the key is that neither party feels hard done by.

sockunicorn · 09/12/2018 18:19

my grandparents had separate accounts for 50 years :). they both worked and earned about the same, had a joint account for bills etc and then a "savings account" (very healthy 6 figure balances) each. Both very generous with other people and each other.

However when my grandma would pick something standard up for my grandad, like the packet of softmints he used to eat daily, he would give her the 60p (or whatever it was) for them every time. She would say "no, no" and then he would leave it on the table. Very sweet relationship.

eggofmantumbi · 09/12/2018 18:24

We've been together 17 years, married for 4. A child and a house and no shared account. Husband died mortgage, I do childcare and then the other bills are pretty randomly split.

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