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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just stop doing Christmas after this year?

159 replies

Cheekysquirrel · 09/12/2018 14:31

I’m not religious. I don’t believe in god. I hate Christmas. I hate the tat in the shops, the music, the great big giving of crap no one needs, the food and drink (t1 diabetic so I can never even eat a Christmas lunch, much less a mince pie or a glass of wine), the lights, the waste of money for one day, the trees, having to see relatives I don’t really like, all of it really.

Imagine the happiness of just Not Doing It. Any of it. No more worrying about it, sending cards, buying shit, having to pretend to enjoy it. It’s just a massive hassle and the clutter and all the boxes and packaging afterwards drives me mad.

That’s it, I am done. The only issue I have is dh. He is very vaguely religious - believes in god in a half arsed way - but he and his family will never stop doing Christmas. How do I reconcile this alongside just stopping it? Usually I do all the gifts, the buying, the wrapping, filling the stockings, the decorating, the whole lot.

OP posts:
Feefeetrixabelle · 09/12/2018 15:23

Just because your the sahp doesn’t make every job yours. Does your dh have time off over the Christmas period? If not next year (or even this year there’s still time depending on where you are) then either he cooks Christmas Day or you go out to eat. Then even if everyone else is eating to excess at least you haven’t had to cook it.

Likewise with presents. Don’t buy him one and don’t buy yourself one. If he wants a present to open he can buy yours. If he doesn’t he doesn’t get one either. How old are the children? I would go with cutting down on presents in favour of vouchers so they can go and choose what they want in the sales if you can. If still too young then limit yourself to buying them five presents. Everyone else will get them tonnes of crap.

Stop buying for adults. In the jan sale buy a present for every beige and nephew. Wrap and put in the cupboard.

Urgently seek help with your diabetes the gp should be referring you for unmanaged diabetes.

juneau · 09/12/2018 15:26

I understand what you're saying OP - I could quite happily forego Christmas too. I don't believe in god or Jesus, and the modern iteration of Christmas with all its commercialism and excess sickens me.

I think the key (for me, at least), was to find a kind of Christmas that I can cope with - at least while my DC are young. Visiting my family at Christmas stresses me out and we really have to stay over, as it's too far to just go for the day, so we visit them the weekend before, deliver gifts and wish them well. DH's family live OS so we don't have to see them at all. Then we have a quiet Christmas at home, just the four of us and we have a very simple Christmas lunch - one that everyone can and does eat (and I urge you to start making something that you can eat - how miserable to do turkey and all the trimmings and then just sit eating nothing!!), and we go for a walk in the afternoon. Then, and this is the best bit, we fuck off somewhere for new year - it really doesn't matter where - just anything to draw a line under it and end all the festivities asap. So, in short, my advice to you would be to re-imagine Christmas in some form that you can cope with it and then try it. Once you've done it one year, it's much easier to continue your new tradition and brush off family suggestions that you join them.

Alternatively, if you really hate it that much, could you go away to a yoga retreat or something and leave your DH and kids to celebrate without you?

flirtygirl · 09/12/2018 15:26

I don't celebrate Xmas, never have and never will.

My 9 year old has never missed it as not celebrating is our norm.

It is such a nice time of year because I don't celebrate it, as I see how stressed some people can get.

I have a life rule, if it causes undue stress then either avoid, minimise or stop completely. Took me years of stress and anxiety to realise that I needed to say no more.
Not xmas but other occasions that I used to just go along with but since saying no more, I've have been more relaxed.

If it's important to your husband then help him but don't do 100% of the work especially something you dislike. Pitch in as you are married and a family so help 25 or 30%. Basically if your husband wants to do Xmas then he needs to step up.

madmum5811 · 09/12/2018 15:26

We argued because I bought an artificial tree two years ago. Am getting it in the neck for not having a real tree. Well boo hoo, I have to do everything including hoovering up the bloody needles so an artifical tree it is.

Now OH decides he wants a do with friends coming, so I told him to write the bloody list of invitees and have sent him out to deliver them. He can do the cooking I will do the cleaning.

NotTerfNorCis · 09/12/2018 15:27

It's a tough one. I knew a couple where the bloke had been brought up in a 'Marxist-anarchist' household that didn't celebrate Christmas. His partner always loved Christmas, had fond memories of it as a child etc. He won out - there was no Christmas in their house. As someone who loves Christmas myself, I really felt for her.

Schmoobarb · 09/12/2018 15:28

Oh dear, poor you, it certainly sounds like a lot more than just Christmas at play.

You know you can’t really sack it off if you have kids but YANBU to tell your husband that he needs to sort his family’s presents.

I hope you get your diabetes sorted as it doesn’t sound right at all that you can’t enjoy any food and drink

Flowerpot2005 · 09/12/2018 15:28

You lost my sympathy at the thought of telling your DC there's not Santa simply because it makes it easier for you. Think you might have a reindeer stuck up your butt!

ChestyNut · 09/12/2018 15:29

Type 1 diabetes should not mean you can’t eat at Christmas. Are you under a hospital team? Have you done the course on carb counting (DAFNE) in our area?
I know how hard it can be with unstable diabetes but it sounds like you need more support Flowers

SnuggyBuggy · 09/12/2018 15:30

Come on OP think of your kids, scale it down but let them have a Christmas. They will resent you big time otherwise.

Pachyderm1 · 09/12/2018 15:33

If your DH wants it he can do it.

yoyo1234 · 09/12/2018 15:34

If you want to please do "cancel" it if you think it will make it a better environment collectively for your children ( can you do a day at the toy store where they pick out what they like , lots of hugs and kisses and time with them whilst you are more relaxed). I think not all children like Christmas lots of adults just think they do.

Original poster
Cheekysquirrel · 09/12/2018 15:37

My ds usually gets overwhelmed by Christmas anyway tbh. The lack of routine / more sweets / less sleep doesn’t do him much good. By Boxing Day he is insane and driving me crazy.
My daughter has a birthday round Christmas anyway so it’s all a lot for her too.

I just find it all depressing, I find the shops very very depressing. And also any item with the word ‘novelty’ in its title.

OP posts:
Marble2017 · 09/12/2018 15:37

My Daughter is type 1....Why can't you eat Christmas lunch? Do you have a diabetic nurse you could talk to? Do you carb count?

Original poster
Cheekysquirrel · 09/12/2018 15:43

It isnt just Christmas lunch - it’s basically anything at all.
I know how many carbs are in things but it doesn’t help me as my insulin requirements vary so much from one day to the next. If I barely eat and keep carbs less than 15g a day I can just about get by with reasonable blood sugars and no lows because I run solely on the basal insulin.

OP posts:
ChimesAtMidnight · 09/12/2018 15:46

My son is type 1 and has been most of his life; he eats a Christmas dinner same as the rest of us.

nos123 · 09/12/2018 15:46

I’d wait until the kids grow up first and then cancel Christmas

jessstan2 · 09/12/2018 15:48

This reply has been deleted

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recovery18 · 09/12/2018 15:50

I absolutely love Christmas but I bloody wouldn't if I had yours OP

you sound absolutely run ragged and that is probably why you are having such difficulty with your diabetes. If you aren't eating, you must be suffering from malnutrition and exhaustion. If your diabetes nurse isn't helpful try someone else - this just isn't sustainable Flowers

In the meantime - you need to start delegating. None of this "Wifework" crap. Dh can buy and wrap presents for his family. You can all go out for dinner on Christmas Day rather than cooking (if you can find anywhere that still has spaces) or DH can do it.

No cards aside from ones you really want to send (old aunties etc) Dh and DC can do their own.

You need to start establishing boundaries and taking care of yourself.

Floralnomad · 09/12/2018 15:50

This reply has been deleted

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ilovesooty · 09/12/2018 15:51

@jedsstan2 and you don't think your comment was unpleasant?

ilovesooty · 09/12/2018 15:51

@jessstan2 sorry. Horrible comment.

doughnutbits · 09/12/2018 15:54

Sorry to go off message, but every time I see this

I’m a sahm and he works long hours

I want to say, 'and you don't?'

Sahm day is 24/7, that's full time. Anyone doing less is part time.

Here endeth my (Christmas) message.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 09/12/2018 15:54

Do you just pull apart other people's posts?

malificent7 · 09/12/2018 15:56

Ok you cant eat whatever you fancy...that was a bit insensitive but you can have healthy festive treats...i always cook beaised red cabbage, sprouts with chestnuts and roast parsnips . I also get pickles to go with a salad and make carrot and orange soup as i dont want to fain too much weight. All festive but really healthy too. Quark with sweetener and vanilla essence or amaretto makes a lovely festive cream.

ChestyNut · 09/12/2018 15:59

cheeky have you been considered for an
Insulin pump and continuous glucose monitoring?