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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas cards in school

136 replies

BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 09:00

My child is in reception. They have some social problems, possibly ASD, no diagnosis yet.

Every day last week the other children have been coming out with handfuls of Christmas cards. My child has had just 2.

My child is quite bright, they see what’s going on and it makes them sad. They want friends but are struggling making them.

AIBU to think that if you want your child to send cards to their class then you make sure they include all the children and not leave just a couple out?

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 09/12/2018 09:02

Yes I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t do Christmas cards for the whole class. DD would stand to the whole school if she could such is the excitement at giving them out. It is so unusual not to give them to the whole class I would be checking your DS tray to see if he has had them but they are still at school.

knittedjest · 09/12/2018 09:06

I've never even known who my children give christmas cards to. I just buy them a pack and then they're on their own. Most people I've known in my many years of parenting have done this so it might not be malicious or intentional exclusion. Still sucks though I'm sure.

Original poster
BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 09:06

We’ve checked the tray (and even asked the teacher) there’s no extra cards!

I know as an adult it doesn’t seem much but I’ve been saying for months “of course everyone likes you” etc and now there’s proof otherwise Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 09:07

I’ve spoken to a couple of mum friends and a lot of the cards are written by the parents, at least partially as these children are mostly still 4

OP posts:
Lindtnotlint · 09/12/2018 09:07

Genuinely shocked that there are people who would send but not to whole class. In reception!?! Really sorry, that’s shit.

Kikithewitch · 09/12/2018 09:09

Have you sent cards out? I tend to find that if you send one to them they’ll send one back.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 09/12/2018 09:11

Have you sent cards out op?

Original poster
BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 09:11

Yes, very eager child so we were one of the first.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 09/12/2018 09:11

knittedjest when your DC get older then maybe yes but not in reception. At that age most people ask for a list from the teacher so know one gets missed out. Even now in y4 me and DD cross check against the class picture to make sure we haven’t missed anyone.

MacarenaFerreiro · 09/12/2018 09:16

At that age most people ask for a list from the teacher

Most schools won't give class lists - ours certainly won't. They have a new policy this year to cut down on the waste involved with 30 kids sending cards to 30 other kids - child writes one card to the class, which is displayed in the class. Much more sensible.

Original poster
BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 09:20

That sounds like a fab idea Macarena

OP posts:
Realowlette · 09/12/2018 09:21

YANBU. That's horrible. My 4 year old DD has just written a card out for each of her class mates. It's all or none in this house. (Same way she's having all the girls in her class to her party). I would hate for someone to be left out. It's awful when your child is upset.

gamerwidow · 09/12/2018 09:24

Most schools won't give class lists - ours certainly won't.
That’s annoying and makes things hard! Our school will but first name only, which is all you need to invites.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 09/12/2018 10:07

My daughters in year 3 and still writes cards for the whole class.

Your poor son

MRSMARMITE3 · 09/12/2018 10:36

My lo wrote a card for every child in reception. He's in year one now and I don't have the list of children anymore (plus some have left/new ones started etc) so we've not done any cards

lalalalyra · 09/12/2018 10:38

That's just poor manners on the part of the parents.

The school mine go to only allow whole class cards (no lists, but will tell parents how many children are in the class and cards are sent in in a bundle secured by an elastic band to be given out) or one class card.

LilMy33 · 09/12/2018 10:40

In reception? That’s shit. Usually it’s the parents that write them and its usually to the whole class.

I’m so sorry OP. My son is older and has ASD and it’s awful when I’ve seen him left out of things.

TweeBee · 09/12/2018 10:46

Gosh OP that is so rubbish. My DD was very keen to send cards in her first year and I automatically did the whole class because of course she couldn’t actually write the fuckers I would have thought this would be normal.
I suppose it can be trickier to get the name right sometimes but if you’ve already sent yours that shouldn’t be a problem. We can see class lists if we log into the school website.
Perhaps the teacher will do a bit of work on inclusion though sadly they can’t sort the other parents out.
Lots of love to you and DS.

IACGMOOH · 09/12/2018 10:50

My child has sent cards out but not to the whole class Blush he doesn't know who they are, and if he doesn't how the heck am I supposed to. But I am that parent that wouldn't invite the whole class to a birthday party either.
Although he hasn't had any back

Original poster
BertramKibbler · 09/12/2018 10:57

Birthday parties I wouldn’t be so bothered with, unless he was the only one out of 30 not asked. They’re expensive!

A card costs pennies though and he feels things so deeply. I’m been trying to build up His resilience a bit but he is only 4.

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 09/12/2018 10:57

With DD2, we did the whole class in yR, y1 and y2, and then a small number in juniors. Like party invites, I wouldn't let her do 'most' of the class and miss out a few.

When you do a small number it does tend to be a common core of kids that no one sends to / invites. My DD was one of them, not helped by her closest friend being Hindu.

Round here there is still 2 weeks until the end of term though, so there is still hope.

ivegotthisyeah · 09/12/2018 11:38

I have two children one in year one and one in year four. They were both super keen to write their cards. I let them get on with it but suspect the youngest has missed some of her class off not deliberately but just she can't remember the whole class abs sure she will slowly remember and wrote more cards in the next week.

My girls would love to send your child a card if you want to message me your address x

danni0509 · 09/12/2018 12:01

My ds is asd, he is in reception and honestly he has none at all, not one card, my ds is oblivious bless him he doesn't even know what a Christmas card is but its not the point, I was saying this to my mum last night.

Last year we sent around 50 cards in nursery we got a list of all the children for the morning and afternoon sessions and sent to all as he did mornings and afternoons so used to mix with all the children and I wouldn't want to leave a child out, he got 3 back, all the while the other children were leaving at home time with their see through book bags full of them.

This year he's yet to receive any.

bobstersmum · 09/12/2018 12:12

In our school the teacher has a list of the children's first names if you ask, so that you can send to whole class. Has your child got an unusual name? Just thinking if people have written the cards thrum memory it's easy to forget if it's a difficult name to pronounce maybe?

Dothehappydance · 09/12/2018 12:13

I think dd2 did all the class in reception as we had a list as we needed to do party invites, that is the only time. The dc write their own so I never know who gets one.

Dd2 currently has a card hanger full, ds (autism) has one. That may just be 10 year old boys not sending any though. I tend not to pass comment.

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